Separating and finances

Billy1885

Hi am new and don’t know if am in the right place lol 😆 am moving out of my family home after Xmas my so called wife cheated and feel our relationship been dead a few years now we have 3 kids age 6/3/2
I know it’s going to be hard am 27 she’s 26

we currently live in a council house we agreed on stuff with kids and money etc just when I was looking at moving out am not i entitled to a council house so I’ve looked at private housing only option but that’s the problem

I earn 1200 after tax and insurance the time I pay bills and rent and money towards my kids comes to 1340 more than what I get paid and that’s without food shopping!!!

I don’t really have savings so I can’t put a deposit towards a house !

Plus the kids would stay with her mainly as she might be a bad wife but great mum and she has her family support where’s I don’t have any at all and I feel it’s a battle with myself to pretend we happy in front of people/family as she don’t want them to know what she did !!

I’ll havs my kids on the weekend! I feel am being punished for something she done that ruined the family unit she don’t work and so she be able to claim benefits!! But I’ve checked if I can have some sort of help but the turn to us website says I wouldn’t get nothing!!! I can’t just stay for financial reasons not fair on the kids

fabforty

Billy1885 wrote: »

Hi am new and don’t know if am in the right place lol �� am moving out of my family home after Xmas my so called wife cheated and feel our relationship been dead a few years now we have 3 kids I know it’s going to be hard but it’s the best solution and get the family situation on track and better for the kids we agreed on stuff with kids and money etc just when I was looking at moving out am not i entitled to a council house so I’ve looked at private housing only option but that’s the problem I earn 1200 after tax and insurance the time I pay bills and rent and money towards my kids comes to 1340 more than what I get paid and that’s without food shopping!!! I’ll havs my kids on the weekend! I feel am being punished for something she done that ruined the family unit she don’t work and so she be able to claim benefits!! But I’ve checked if I can have some sort of help but the turn to us website says I wouldn’t get nothing!!! I can’t just stay for financial reasons not fair on the kids please anyone with advice would help !! I live in Wales if that makes any difference thanks in advance

Have you discussed or considered the option of your wife leaving, and you remain in the marital home with the children?

You probably need to provide more information before people can advise, how old are you, how old are the children, is the family home owned or rented for a start. Can you edit your original post, I personally found it hard to follow?

pmlindyloo

I think you would be better off posting on the debt free wannabe forum as this may be a case of sorting out your income and expenditure.

The forum is not just for those in debt (although if you have debts there may be help available) but for help with your expenditure.

I say this because your shortfall is huge and there may be ways to cut your expenditure.

You also say that you have sorted out the kids and money with your wife. It may be that you are offering too much in child maintenance based on your salary and having your children at the weekend. You can put your details into a child maintenance calculator to get an idea of what you should be paying. Although not ideal to be paying the minimum you do have to be able to live yourself.

Also, you may have to compromise on the accommodation your find. Obviously it would be great to have a 3 bed house to accommodate your children at the weekend but you will have to compromise. A one bed place will be mush cheaper and you can have a put up bed in the lounge and your kids can have your bedroom. Not ideal but manageable.

Can you get a second job? Overtime at work during the week? Bar work during the week? Anything to up your income.

I am going to say that it will be easy and I do feel that non resident dads get a rough deal in these circumstances but with some planning it can be done.

Accommodation will be your main outlay so another compromise may be that your have the children during the day at the weekend and they spend the night with their mum.

xylophone

Plus the kids would stay with her mainly as she might be a bad wife but great mum and she has her family support where’s I don’t have any at all and I feel it’s a battle with myself to pretend we happy in front of people/family as she don’t want them to know what she did !!

The extra marital affair is now over? Does your wife want you to leave?


Have you considered reconciliation - counselling from Relate might help.

Billy1885

Hi yes it is over now second time in 8 years 1st time when married i couldn’t forgive her this time

My priority the kids now our marriage is unfortunately over

I just can’t get my head around the fact there’s nothing out there for men in same situation i don’t have savings i work silly hours dame hard to support them and am the one that’s worse off we have mutual agreement on everything and me having the kids on the weekend it’s just housing situation for myself surly there’s something out there !! I’ve obviously I’ve missed something

Darksparkle

What is your gross income?

How much is your rent and for what size of property?

As previous poster mentioned, is the maintenance agreed more than the minimum amount suggested by CSA?

[Deleted User]

Why can’t you get social housing?

poppy12345

MarkN88 wrote: »

Why can’t you get social housing?

It's not that easy and the waiting lists for most areas all over the country is huge.

[Deleted User]

Maybe not council but housing associations are easier, well they are in my area anyway.

The flat I’m in now from registering to viewing and signing paperwork took just under two weeks.

[Deleted User]

Hey,

Sorry to hear about your situation.

I don't have any great advice but maybe post this in the moneysaving dads part of the forum in marriages and relationships.

I would imagine some of the posters there may have some personal experience of situations like this so may be able to advise you better?

Dxxx

xylophone

You might just have to "rent a room" and return to the family home at weekends to be with the children while your wife stays with a family member - you said she had family support.