Huge Gambling debt from OH. Sell house

[Deleted User]

He is very lucky to have you, I would kill him for putting his family in jeopardy. Even an addict knows they are an addict and he should have done everything in his power to limit access to funds and that includes confiding in you.

oldhand

Perhaps a little late now but you have shackled yourself to someone who will likely drag you down with them,unless he recognises his problem and is willing to take action you should make sure your not associated with him in bank accounts or anything that makes you liable for his bills.
Check the various credit agencies to make sure he hasn't taken out loans in both your names.wish I could give you a magic way out but as long as he has his problem keep a check on all letters coming to your home,look out for any loan forms etc ,can only wish you good luck..

tetley

Cruel to be kind would be to kick him out, and let him hit rock bottom.
It may be the only way he will admit his addiction and get help.
Doing it the hard way will then give you the control over him he needs, I.E, he can only move back in if he has his wages paid into your bank account, until he can sort himself out.
I work for a Blue Chip company and they will pay for ONE course of treatment for gambling, drug or alcohol addiction.

Maybe worth finding out.

Cygnet47

I’m very sorry to hear about your circumstances. I grew up in a household with a gambler, and had to help my mother deal with it.

This is going to be hard for you, but you can deal with it.

You are not responsible for his actions. And you can not change him, the decision to alter his life has to be his. Finally, even if he really wants to change, he may fail, either for a period, or for ever. The sad truth is that chronic gamblers will lie, and hide what they are doing, only admitting things when they have no choice, and then only to the minimum extent required to get money.

Firstly, don’t ever pay off his debts. As long as you give him money, and enable him to gamble, he will keep gambling. There is no reason for him to stop.

At some point he will probably have a financial car crash, and have to default on his gaming debts and loans. This is a good thing. It may prompt him to change his ways. If even that does not get him to change, then the sooner it happens the better - it will make it harder for him to get more and more loans, and you will have less chance to be sucked in.

You need to make sure that your finances are as separate as possible so that you don’t loose your assets. So don’t sign any loan agreements, or have any join credit cards. Don’t take out any further loans on the house. Write to the bank providing your current account telling them that you do not want any overdraft facility. Make sure that you keep receipts for the things that you buy, so that the bailiffs can not seize them. Monitor your credit rating to see if he is faking your signature on things, if he is, contact the lender immediately and tell them that you are not part of the loan.

There are three main things that he can do to help himself.
- Self register with the various gaming companies as a problem gambler, to exclude himself from their use.
- Offer complete financial transparency. That means that you see all of his income that is paid into his account every month, and can immediately spot any diversion.
- Join a self help therapy group, like gamblers anonymous.

If he will not self register, and give you complete financial transparency, he is still gambling.

Don’t EVER, give him money to do any of these 3 things, especially if he promises to change in the future if you bail him out now. He has to do them himself, because he realises they are the best ways to help himself. If he won’t do it without money from you, it will not last.

Most gamblers have low confidence, and self esteem issues. Support him emotionally as much as you can. Accept that this is an addiction, just like drugs, and tell him you will help him overcome it. But don’t ever provide cash.

Post on here again if you have questions.

Cygnet47

Also, think about googling “gambling codependency” and joining a self help group for the partners of gamblers.