Help! 2 yr old pushing baby over!

immoral_angeluk

I'm at my wits end. Our 2 (3 in march) yr old is constantly pushing our 9 month baby over, often for no reason at all. She seems to hate her going anywhere near her which is a nightmare as she's just started cruising around furniture. IF our 2 yr old is sat on the sofa and our baby pulls herself up on it she will push her off so she falls and whacks her head off something.
We've tried ignore it, paying attention only to the baby when she does it, explaining, even time outs. Nothings working HELP!!!!

svmitche

I know having a young baby is all-consuming, but are you giving your 2-year-old any time on her own without the baby around? She's had you to herself for a long time before the baby arrived and might just now be acting out the jealousy she is feeling but can't quite put into words? Are there any times when you might be able to leave the baby with someone and just take your daughter out, even if it's just round the block, or to the park and give her some individual time? She might find it easier to get used to having this 'interloper' around her if she knows that mum and dad can still give her some individual time.

Also, could you try asking her if she wants to sit with the baby, phrasing it like 'X wants to sit with big sister, would that be ok?'. If she says no initially, just keep asking her occasionally, trying to treat her like the grown up who has to look after baby and as someone who baby wants to spend time with. This gives her a measure of control and also if you ask her if she can watch baby for mummy like a big girl then this might make it seem like she is doing a favour for you, putting control in her corner and then she might get used to having her near.

These are just suggestions - I'm currently pregnant and reading a lot of baby books about dealing with new arrivals and older siblings - some of the advice is contradictory, but these approaches seem to be mentioned a lot!

Good Luck!

ChasingButterflies

ah remember this well :rotfl:

Honestly I hate to say it - but I think this is "normal" behaviour... doesn't make it acceptable - my best advice is a firm "no - naughty" to the older child and then time out - every single time. I know it is really hard when you have 2 so close together but a few days doing this and the older one should get the message...

My eldest was a bit younger than your when her little bro was at the crusing stage and this worked for us.

Just a thought It might be something that you already do this but another way to break the habit could be distraction. When lo is about to "go for a wander" why not get a book to read to your eldest? they then get some one to one with you and will have boosted confidence so may not need to sabotage lo attempts to walk?

Really hard I know but try not to let it get you worked up - otherwise it could be done just to get a reaction out of you.

:eek: the more I think about what our lot used to do to "the baby" :rotfl: and what I saw them thinking about doing :rotfl:

immoral_angeluk

We've been doing the time out thing for a month now and it's as if she wants to go on the step!!! nightmare!

ChasingButterflies

Try another location - our middle one was like that - loves going to naughty step - however the utility room on the other hand...

Aoife's_mum

Hello

Just wanted to let you know that you weren't alone! We also went through this and it drove me completely mad. we have an 18 month gap between them, and as soon as ds learnt to sit up, dd would push him over. We did as others have suggested - put dd by the front door and gave ds lots of attention and cuddles. but it still went on for months. really I'd say it only stopped when dd got sturdy enough that he couldn't be pushed over. I worried that it would start again when he started walking but it hasn't thank goodness.

on the whole siblings getting on thing, I'd recommend Sibling Rivalry by adele faber - mainly for older kids but a section on younger ones and the ideas seem pretty good. Touch wood, for now mine seem to get on most of the time and enjoy playing together.

hope it gets better for you soon

mrcow

I think you've received some good advice. I can only say that you have to keep up with the firm "no"s.

If time out isn't working, then how about taking a toy off her, or a dummy or anything else that will provoke a reaction.

I also think it's important to keep some real 1 to1 time with your two year old. It can be hard (I know!), but trying to find something that only you and her can play with is good (eg. my daughter is just little younger than yours and I play Barbies with her which the baby is not allowed to touch). Also perhaps trying to intercept the shove before it happens is obviously useful.

In the meantime, perhaps move any furniture that the baby is falling against (eg. if it's a coffee table). It will all blow over once the baby gets more steady on their feet, or when your two year old learns that she can't do it, or when they've got their pecking order sorted (whichever happens the soonest ).

november

No useful tips to add that haven't already been posted but another 'you're not alone' post. I had a four year age gap between my two eldest and in my turning my back for 5 seconds I turned back to find my DD upside down in her bouncy chair with her head to one side of the feet divider and her feet at the top :eek: Fortunately she seemed to find it funny :rotfl:My DS meanwhile was saying 'I never touched her'. Who else picked her up and put her back in the wrong way I don't know :rolleyes: I still remind him of that now and he's 22 - mother's revenge

Pink_butterfly_3

This won't seem helpful at the moment, but its just a phase.

I'll never forget the day my youngest (about 11 months old at the time) turned round and whacked my eldest (who was 2) when she pushed him. Not only that but he then pushed her over and pulled her hair.

It was like he was saying 'F*** off Sis, i'm not taking it anymore!', lol!!

Well, she doesn't do it anymore and tells other people off is she sees them pushing!

squibbs25

My MIL said that my hubby often used to pick on his sis (there's 28 months between them), pushing her over and the like, but MIL did say that when sis was about 18 months old, my hubby had done something to annoy her (sis) and she turned round and whacked him as hard as she could that he went flying. She said the look of shock on his face that his timid little sister had done that was a picture :rotfl: .
MIL still laughs about it now.
On the plus side, apparently he backed off after that.

No real advice other than i know but it is just a phase.
The prob i had was getting our ds to understand that his little sis couldn't play like him as she was too little. (He was nearly 5 when she came along).
Thank god they are older now (5 and nearly 10) and are the best of friends (most of the time)

Good luck,

Squibbs

Counting_Pennies_2

I've only wizzed through the others replies, so might be repeating myself.

But I would recommend, a firm 'no' while you go down to their level. Then march them off to the time out step. If the step doesn't work for you, then time out in a room where there is no interest for them. Time out a minute for each year of life, i.e. 3 for your little one.

It does work eventually, just consistency, and age (as your toddler gets older!)

Sadly it is a regular thing at this age.