Employment issue since sudden death of my mum

GothicStirling

After my Dad's death in 2015, I dropped out of my degree (just got an offer to recommence in June), all my hobbies like reading etc. stopped. I switched to working in a hospital as a kitchen assistant, and found just doin routine tasks helped a lot.

Have you contacted Cruse? If not, they can put you in contact with a bereavement counsellor, as this sounds more complicated that a straight forward bereavement. https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/helpline

I also found reading Elizabeth Kubler's 'On Grief and Grieving' helped me a lot.

lincroft1710

Les79 wrote: »

Sorry, but I think you are being a bit callous by saying "I do not recommend taking sick leave as this can give an employer ammunition for a dismissal on capability grounds".

What is callous about stating a possibility? As LilElvis has posted this is exactly what can happen. It would be callous to recommend OP takes sick leave, knowing there is a possibility it could lead to dismissal.

sangie595

lincroft1710 wrote: »

What is callous about stating a possibility? As LilElvis has posted this is exactly what can happen. It would be callous to recommend OP takes sick leave, knowing there is a possibility it could lead to dismissal.

I agree. In fact, I would go further. Taking sick leave may make the OP much sicker. There's no such thing as statistics on this, but I see hundreds of cases every year going through our office, and here's the simple fact- go off sick with stress or similar and you won't likely be going back. The longer someone is off work with an "open-ended" condition - and by that I mean a health condition which does not have a clear recovery path and end point when you are now "well" - then the harder it is for them to face up to returning to work. It's not just the reaction of the employer one needs to be concerned about. The mental ill health, the restrictions of losing ones compass in life, the sitting around with nothing to do but worry, the lack of money, the worry about what it will be like to go back.... basically, for many, many people it just gets too much and then it's over. The next stage becomes being trapped by poverty and the illness feeding on each other. And unless you are lucky then that becomes a lifetime without work and suffering ill health.

Work might be hard, but it is grounding. If you know you aren't performing, and you do, then you need to fix that. The alternative is a lot worse. By all means talk to your employer about what they might be able to do to help you perform better (not to cut you some slack - that isn't going to happen, so you need to turn the tables on your approach), and definitely talk to your doctor and possibly some potential support organisations about how you can refocus.

When it comes to grief, there is no "normal". But there is an "abnormal", and letting it impact on your life for this long to this degree is not right, and it certainly isn't what your mother or anyone else would want for you. But if you value honesty, I'll tell you that it is surprising that the employer has let you get away with poor performance for this long, and a year actually suggests a very sympathetic and caring employer. This sounds much more like they've run out of patience rather than they've not given you support.

mac.d

If possible perhaps reducing your hours could help? I agree its no good at all to go off on sick leave for the reasons sangie595 has just posted, it does help to go to work, the normality of it and giving your mind something else to focus on, instead of sitting at home thinking about your loss, your mental health, worrying about your work etc.

Perhaps reducing hours would relieve a little of the pressure you feel and allow you some breathing space but at the same time focus on performing to your previous standard while at work. And definitely speak to someone at Cruse.

marliepanda

Genuineguy03 wrote: »

Mac.d

Oh lord, don't suggest reduction of hours. Some posters here will start having fits, as apparently reductions in hours is not a reasonable adjustment.

Only when people act like it’s a legal obligation for employers to allow it..:

Genuineguy03

Marli

They are "legally obliged" to when said adjustment is reasonable and not unreasonable I.e. where costs are disportionate.

Les79

lincroft1710 wrote: »

What is callous about stating a possibility? As LilElvis has posted this is exactly what can happen. It would be callous to recommend OP takes sick leave, knowing there is a possibility it could lead to dismissal.

I do not disagree with you, LilElvis or sangie about what could happen.


It was more about the fact that you dismissed the possibility of OP going off sick out of hand, because of "what could happen". Not even a mention of going to the GP, even merely for advice or out of work support (counselling etc); though maybe you mentioned that in an earlier post?


Health is more important than work. If OP is sick then OP is sick. That's what SSP and maybe company sick pay exists for too. But, admittedly, a prolonged amount of time off could lead to the wider problems which sangie elaborated on so I would mirror the caution.


Also, "may be fit for work" boxes could be used in the process of helping OP to communicate "reasonable adjustments" to the employer. The employer may not agree like, but you never know.

lincroft1710

Les79 wrote: »

It was more about the fact that you dismissed the possibility of OP going off sick out of hand, because of "what could happen". Not even a mention of going to the GP, even merely for advice or out of work support (counselling etc); though maybe you mentioned that in an earlier post?

Which is still not callous. I was replying to the OP's concern about their job and correctly stated what could happen. Undervalued had already mentioned in the post previous to mine about the OP consulting their GP.

JCS1

Genuineguy03 wrote: »

Marli

They are "legally obliged" to when said adjustment is reasonable and not unreasonable I.e. where costs are disportionate.

I thought that was for a disability, what disability does the OP have?

Genuineguy03

@JCS1

That's correct. Me and Marli (and others) were in debate over disability and reasonable adjustments on other threads. My post in response to Malipanda here was inlight of that debate on other threads.