Employment issue since sudden death of my mum

mobileuser

I would like some advice. My mum died suddenly December last year. Coping with this has been really hard. Since then I have been back at work and admit not been performing at 100%. But still working to a good standard. I was pressured by my boss to come back to soon I feel(I had 5 days off).

I also recently have been put on a performance improvment plan and feel this is unfair and show lack of understanding on there behalf. This has already added more stress on what has been a stressful time for me with another death of a close uncle and my fathers ill health.

Is there anything I can do?

I feel really anxious and stressed out about all of this. Hope someone could offer me some advice. I don't want to lose my job and would like them to be just a bit more understanding of my situation.

Thanks,

Undervalued

mobileuser wrote: »

I would like some advice. My mum died suddenly December last year. Coping with this has been really hard. Since then I have been back at work and admit not been performing at 100%. But still working to a good standard. I was pressured by my boss to come back to soon I feel(I had 5 days off).

I also recently have been put on a performance improvment plan and feel this is unfair and show lack of understanding on there behalf. This has already added more stress on what has been a stressful time for me with another death of a close uncle and my fathers ill health.

Is there anything I can do?

I feel really anxious and stressed out about all of this. Hope someone could offer me some advice. I don't want to lose my job and would like them to be just a bit more understanding of my situation.

Thanks,

Only ask them nicely to show "just a bit more understanding" I'm afraid.

Technically there is no automatic entitlement to any form of compassionate leave (although it would be a rare employer who didn't give at least some and indeed many can be quite generous). The same is true with "cutting the employee some slack" for a while. Some / many / most will but they don't have to.

Obviously if you are not well enough to do you job properly there is the option of seeing if your doctor will sign you off sick. Or, he may make recommendations on a "fit note" as to what adjustments would allow you to work. However this is advisory and the firm do not have to accept the recommendations and could say "do your job fully and properly" or go home sick. Being off sick can have consequences, particularly with an employer who takes a firm approach, so I would think long and hard before going down that route.

lincroft1710

I think that as it has been nearly a year, your employer will be expecting you to be performing 100%. They probably believe they gave you a reasonable amount of time off. They don't have to be "understanding", they don't have to "cut you any slack".

You have been under-performing, so a performance improvement plan gives you a chance to show you are capable of performing your duties to the required standard. Don't expect any favours from your employer and you won't be disappointed. But having said that, many employers would be even less understanding.

Bereavement affects different people in different ways. I do not recommend taking sick leave as this can give an employer ammunition for a dismissal on capability grounds. It is not clear how you think your employer can help you. Will being away from work help you?

Takeaway_Addict

mobileuser wrote: »

I would like some advice. My mum died suddenly December last year. Coping with this has been really hard. Since then I have been back at work and admit not been performing at 100%. But still working to a good standard. I was pressured by my boss to come back to soon I feel(I had 5 days off).

I also recently have been put on a performance improvment plan and feel this is unfair and show lack of understanding on there behalf. This has already added more stress on what has been a stressful time for me with another death of a close uncle and my fathers ill health.

Is there anything I can do?

I feel really anxious and stressed out about all of this. Hope someone could offer me some advice. I don't want to lose my job and would like them to be just a bit more understanding of my situation.

Thanks,

To be fair your mothers death was 11 months ago, how long should they wait until they start a performance improvement plan?

Rosemary7391

lincroft1710 wrote: »

Bereavement affects different people in different ways. I do not recommend taking sick leave as this can give an employer ammunition for a dismissal on capability grounds. It is not clear how you think your employer can help you. Will being away from work help you?

I'd take a serious think over this, especially the last question. What is it that you specifically want when you say "more understanding"? Switch to part time, less challenging work, different tasks, flexibility to seek some sort of support for your bereavement ...? And is that sustainable for the length of time you think you'll need it?

Les79

lincroft1710 wrote: »

Bereavement affects different people in different ways. I do not recommend taking sick leave as this can give an employer ammunition for a dismissal on capability grounds. It is not clear how you think your employer can help you. Will being away from work help you?

Sorry, but I think you are being a bit callous by saying "I do not recommend taking sick leave as this can give an employer ammunition for a dismissal on capability grounds".


It is also potentially something similar to what the employer said to OP 11 months ago which led to them now saying "I was pressured by my boss to come back to soon I feel"


I feel that OP should make an appointment with their GP and discuss their situation, allowing the GP to make a determination as to whether or not OP is considered sick. At the very least they can give OP some info on coping strategies etc.


I feel that OP should also speak to the likes of ACAS and/or their union for advice on what an employer can and cannot do.


I also feel that a 1-4 week period on the sick would unlikely (always a chance mind you) lead to dismissal on capability grounds, mainly because OP has not had much time off previously and a performance improvement plan is a few steps away from formal warnings etc (it was like toilet paper in my previous job). It would also give OP the opportunity to discuss, with their GP, what could help to support their return to work and a "fit note" stating "may be fit for work" can potentially be drawn up which outlines recommendations (can't force the employer to make them) to help them get back into work and give OP the opportunity for a possible phased return to work.

BrassicWoman

Would a change of scene help? Are you feeling up to looking for other jobs yet?

LilElvis

lincroft1710 wrote: »

Bereavement affects different people in different ways. I do not recommend taking sick leave as this can give an employer ammunition for a dismissal on capability grounds. It is not clear how you think your employer can help you. Will being away from work help you?

I've seen at first hand what can happen when an employee takes sick leave due to depression following a bereavement. He was absent from work for around two months and a week after his return he was out of the door with a separation agreement, a guaranteed neutral reference, PILON and three months in additional pay. Our employer simply didn't trust that he would be able to work in a pressurised role in the short to medium term and decided to cut their losses.

TBagpuss

I'm sorry for your loss.

As others have said, I don't think that your employer is acting unreasonably, nor does it sound as though they acted unreasonably in terms of the amount of compassionate leave they gave you.

I would suggest that you treat it as 2 separate issues.

1. Getting any support you may be able to access to help you deal with your ongoing grief. If you have not already done so, look into whether grief counselling or support would help you. Your GP may be able to suggest a counsellor, or try https://www.cruse.org.uk/ as a starting point.

2. Addressing the issues at work so that you pass the PIP. Try to set aside any feelings that the manager was unfair in putting you on a PIP, and concentrate instead on making whatever changes your boss wants.

If you feel that it would help you to have some time out of work then speak to your G about signing you off, but bear in mind that this won't necessarily mean that the time for the PIP is extended, and you would have to consider whether being out would be helpful, or would just mean that you were under greater pressure, when you returned, if you had to try to catch up with work and address the issues under the PIP with less time to do it.

Genuineguy03

I'd recommend you speak to your GP, its clear the grief from losing your mum, and close uncle has impacted your mental health over the last 11 months, whilst worrying about your dad on top of that, who will be suffering from the loss of your mum and uncle - You may be suffering depression in some form or another, which isn't unusual.

I know how hard it can be in your situation, as I lost my mother unexpectedly in september myself, granted your loss was greater due to the loss of your uncle too, and your concern for your father.

Its difficult to advise with out a full picture of the circumstances, as it involves some speculating as to your employers company structure etc - But I'd also suggest you speak to HR and explain how your feeling. Open up to them so to speak and ask about occupational health scheme - Off course that's if your employer has an HR department (though may use outsourced HR) and if you've not already spoken to HR.

You might find they are not aware how your feeling and the effect its having on you, so they may take a more supportive approach after you've talked to them about it. And assuming its you direct manager and not HR that's doing the performance reviews, HR may even speak to your manager to put a stop to the reviews - but that may depend how far below 100% your performance has been.

TELLIT01

I think your employer was wrong to put pressure on you to return so soon after the bereavement, but is not unreasonable in thinking that you should be functioning fairly normally a year on. I agree that you should speak to your GP as you clearly are still struggling to cope. That isn't a great surprise considering what has happened in the year since your mother's death.