Residuary & Non Residuary Beneficiary

GillyFlower

P.S. I would like to say thank you all for your input.

I am surprised to learn that he can, at our mother's expense, arrange what he considers is the funeral that she should have and not what she wished for. Hence - the accounts will reveal all.

izoomzoom

GillyFlower wrote: »

P.S. I would like to say thank you all for your input.

I am surprised to learn that he can, at our mother's expense, arrange what he considers is the funeral that she should have and not what she wished for. Hence - the accounts will reveal all.

I already know that I will not be able to carry out my mothers wishes (including written in her Will) with regards to donating her body to a medical school when she passes away. We've done all the registering etc, but the t&c state NO to dementia, and Mom was diagnosed with this a few years ago.

troubleinparadise

izoomzoom wrote: »

I already know that I will not be able to carry out my mothers wishes (including written in her Will) with regards to donating her body to a medical school when she passes away. We've done all the registering etc, but the t&c state NO to dementia, and Mom was diagnosed with this a few years ago.

You could, if you wished, donate your mother’s brain for dementia research which might go some way to meeting her wishes, even if her body cannot be donated.

https://www.hta.gov.uk/guidance-public/brain-donation

It appears that this decision can be made by an appropriate person connected with the donor, if the donor is not able to.

My mother donated her brain to Parkinson’s research, which she organised in advance herself, and the process was handled very sensitively.

GillyFlower

izoomzoom wrote: »

I already know that I will not be able to carry out my mothers wishes (including written in her Will) with regards to donating her body to a medical school when she passes away. We've done all the registering etc, but the t&c state NO to dementia, and Mom was diagnosed with this a few years ago.

I admire you for wanting to carry out your mother's wishes.

For my brother and I we are having to watch our younger brother now do exactly what he wants as executor.

He was the 'golden child' but our mother thought we would be 'working together' and on her letter of wishes she said I know you will work together to do the best you can if she has forgotten to list any items. She was talking about any little items she had forgotten. (Basically what you would find in a charity shop but were sentimental to her). She would be so upset to see what he is doing. Just completely acting as though he will contact us when he is ready and not before - so we are left waiting.

What he has done is made my husband and I know that we will put a solicitor as our executor - this state of affairs is so hurtful and mentally damaging.

SevenOfNine

GillyFlower wrote: »

What he has done is made my husband and I know that we will put a solicitor as our executor - this state of affairs is so hurtful and mentally damaging.

It may be emotionally less stressful, but a solicitor may well take twice as long & cost a packet! There are many posts on here where some (but by no means all) rue the day their deceased loved one chose a solicitor as executor in their will.

Unfortunately you are stuck with your mum's choice as this sounds more like sibling disagreements for the way things have/are being handled, as opposed to wrongdoing which could see him removed as executor.

I'd be wary of challenging him over the amount spent on the funeral if (& it's a big IF) you get sight of draft accounts. What will you do with the information? He may decide to purchase a plot & erect a massive, expensive headstone just to be more of a spendthrift with what your mum intended to be shared inheritance.

It's a sad state of affairs for you, he's being a p rat just because he can, but just let the things he's done that you cannot change go. He can be a pig with money, stuff, keepsakes, trinkets, but you have lovely memories he can't take those. When this is finally settled, he can do one.

GillyFlower

Thank you SevenOfNine.

We would not pursue him for any money that he spends even if it is a massive headstone - somewhere.

Yes - we have our wonderful memories and want to move on.