What do I do for the best

heartbreak_star

zmblake wrote: »

Husband doesn't want me to do a DMP

a) why not?

b) it's not his choice...

HBS x

zmblake

He says because it will ruin our changes of getting a mortgage for he next 6 yrs, as some creditors will no doubt put a default on my file and therefore we wouldn't be able to get a mortgage x

Grumpelstiltskin

Only you can decide if you are happy with the situation as it is now.

Only you can decide if you want to carry on living with his attitude.

What ever you do decide do NOT take any more credit, no more using catalogues etc. If you can't pay cash you don't have it.

Mnd

You are going to be in no position to take on a mortgage unless you get your current situation sorted anyway.
Good luck..M

ratrace

zmblake wrote: »

Hi guys

Sorry I haven't been on and thank you all so much for your comments, they are appreciated.

Husband doesn't want me to do a DMP, so am trying to write to each of my debtors and ask if they can help. have also asked my boss if I can up my hours from 25 hrs a week to 27.5 hrs a week, not a lot however an extra 10 hours a month so should help a bit and I can still pick my sons up from school. Fingers crossed my boss says yes.

I re-did my SOA properly and it shows every month I'm short of £223.90.

Husband does not want to seem to talk to me regards this, I think this is as when he usually does say anything, I go on the defensive (if I'm completely honest) as he feels I spend money stupidly...........he is right but I usually go on the defensive due to the way he says it. We are both at fault if I'm honest and I'm still with him as I do love him. He is a bit selfish, but then I'm not perfect either.

I will keep trying to speak to him though but not sure if will help me really!

Thats really good that you have recognized that this not all his fault and you are also to blame (what happens with forums is that the op, is the one doing all the writing about the situation and the other partner gets judged based on what's written without being able to tell they side of the story)

But you both are still not working togeather to solve this and the main reason really is that both of your finances are seperate so after you have both paid your share of the bills, one has more money that the other to spend as they like etc... you have a joint life and a joint goal together so its very important that you also join the money aswell, from his point of view he thinks you spend too much money unnecessarily which he may or may not have a point only you know that, but on the other hand you are not working as much hours due to looking after the boys and the house which takes a lot of time up plus cooking dinner in the evenings



If he feel that you need to full time hours thats fine then you need to employ someone who can take the boys to school, pick them up do homework, cook dinner etc... so thats a nanny which are expensive and will cost more than what you will bring in (what a silly thing to say to you without look at the bigger picture)


the only way this is going to be successful you have to work together because there is going to come a time when the boys will move out and its just going to be you two at home and you really dont want to live in a mizzarble atmosphere as thats not healthy

to work as a team you need to list all the income and all the outgoings, then once all the debt is paid off you need to set up savings/funds to pay for things as and when you need them such as cars, holidays, household stuff etc... its the only way your more like housemates than a couple all the best ill try to chip in as best as i can

Money_maker

zmblake wrote: »

. My sons wouldn't have any presents ir birthday parties or Christmas presents if I left it to my husband.

Does he not contribute at all towards the costs of his children?

fatbelly

Please re-read my previous posts. I have suggested a policy that will get you debt-free in 4 years with defaults at the start of that process so in 6 years you will be in a position of a clean file and no debt.

I've suggested a d-I-y plan so that is not a straight dmp like stepchange or payplan would do. Call it something different. Just tell your OH 'this is the problem and this is the solution' - call it the fatbelly plan if you like.

The problem if you do not do this is that you will be paying massive sums in interest and in six years time you will still have debt and will probably not have avoided defaults but those will be more recent and still showing on your file.

This is basically a maths problem and your OH is clearly not a mathematician.

Red-Squirrel_2

You've had really good advice about your debt, but I'm going to suggest that you have a look at the Relate website. There is a facility for a free online chat with a counsellor and you can take it forward from there.

You have two problems here. Your debt is solveable, is your marriage?

https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/money-and-work/were-debt-and-its-affecting-our-relationship

zmblake

Thank you 'fat belly' finally got husband to tal this evening, we are sitting down at the weekend to go through all of his debts as well. He's seen where I'm coming from, and we are going to sort it together, many thanks to everyone for your advice x