What do I do for the best

NeverendingDMP

Hiya. If your hubby is willing to talk please do so. You either have the option (joint SOA will tell you for sure) of having some frugal times and then saving for the house deposit or defaulting getting the debts hopefully interest free and getting shut of them but delaying the house purchase due to defaults.. Either way is probably going to be naff you just have to decide the best way for you. Also without meaning to sound rude your SOA doesn't allow for school uniforms, school trips, endless invites to parties, school photos if you buy them etc etc. I've got no room to talk as I've just spent 30 quid on school photos...which I didn't consider at all in my -school trips, contributions pound for Pudsey day etc etc fund. Some of your debts have most probably come about due to the never ending cost of children's shoes uniforms and presents and such like . I've been on a DMP a while so am out of date with interest rates but some of yours seem impossibly high. Have you done a snowball calculator thing just to get a realistic estimate? Aside from all of that hello and keep posting, others will have specific advice I just wanted to give the no longer full time working person but now a mummy and still having to buy everything for the kids perspective. A bit of a hunch feeling so apologies if I've got it wrong. X

zmblake

Hi guys

Well talk with husband just didn't happen, his response was for me to either up my hours at work or get a weekend job ��. Have to admit upset me so I didn't say anymore. I get up at 6am, walk the dog, come back get the kids up and ready for school and me ready for work, drop kids @ school, then work 9am - 2pm, as soon as I finish work I go home, walk the dog, then drop him back home, then go to school for 3.15pm to pick boys up, then it's back home to do homework/dinner/housework. he has debt as well but as he can obviously pay his half of household bills, and his debts and has money to live on, he is fine. I have told him how much I am struggling every month and he says it's my fault. Which yes it is, I've always worked full time until we had 2nd child. I then did 30 hrs a week however I was off sick from work more than I was there so I cut down to 16 hrs, this was not enough money so I upped it to 20 hours a week until my youngest started school, and now I do 25 hrs a week.

I do struggle, haven't been able to adjust due to all the school costs, exactly like you have said 'Neverending' school parties, school special dress up days, birthdays, Christmas, food. My sons wouldn't have any presents ir birthday parties or Christmas presents if I left it to my husband. my eldest was also diagnosed as dyslexic this year and so we have spent extra money on aids to help with that which the school gas recommended. The school have been awesome, however they don't have the budget to buy all the equipment he needs according to them. That's another reason why I don't want to go full time, as firstly we'd have to pay out for a childminder, plus my eldest needs me to do extra homework with him and also my youngest, I don't think he'd cope as he's shattered after school as it is. If I couldn't pick them up till 5.30pm, his behaviour would get worse. We do pay for swimming lessons, once a week, as we felt this was an important life skill for them to learn, we did try ourselves to teach them however found they listen better when in a proper teacher lead environment. We are going to stop the lessons as soon as they both swim confidently as we can't afford it to be honest.

I don't want to go ahead with the DMP behind my husbands back as this is not fair, however he keeps going on about buying, how he thinks we are going to buy, I have no idea.

Have to admit, I get very down, worried but if I say to him, he just goes yep me too........that's it.

Heather2603

Honestly why are you putting up with this? A marriage is meant to be a partnership. Why are you doing all the childcare? Can you up your hours at work? I would do that and tell him he needs to either cover half the pick ups or contribute to after school care.

Is he always this selfish? I couldn't stay with someone like him, I could have no respect for a man who would let his wife suffer alone.

Potbellypig

What do I do for the best?

Sounds like you need a new partner.

NeverendingDMP

It's hard isn't it. I've lost count of how many times I've had the we need to talk about money conversation and got no where. Keep trying even if you just print it out in all its glory, with all the extras no one thinks of and keep putting it in the kitchen side. And the just up your hours response I've had to. If only it was that easy eh. If you don't want to DMP or anything yet is there a way of rejigging the balances. Do you have enough to cover just the minimum or are you short still.

fatbelly

I wasn't suggesting that you went behind his back when I suggested a dmp in post #15 after reviewing your statement of affairs in post #8.

You can tell him what the problem is, and what the solution is.

You have £267 plus £209 available after putting the loans in their correct position. I would continue with the £100 x 45 month repayment to Dad.

If the other 15k of debt are to be cleared in a similar timeframe that would need £333 per month which is do-able. You will need some figures in there for car repairs, clothes and a holiday but if you're careful you should be able to save a bit on the side as well - either as an emergency fund or a fighting fun for settlement deals somewhere down the line.

You should be debt-free within 4 years.

BabyStepper

Just read your thread and have to agree with the above posters, your marriage needs to be a partnership, the money belongs to you both and you both need to decide how it will be allocated. The debt also belongs to you both, likely you overspent because the children needed things and you were down to part time wages and trying to cover these costs yourself. Stop worrying about being 'fair' to him, none of this is fair to your children when you are living like a single parent. The debt seems to be a symptom of that situation.

It's not impossible to fix but you do need to keep trying to speak to him until he lisitens. He has his head in the clouds with the thought of a mortgage and home ownership.

Best of luck.

MrsPorridge

If you are ever going to achieve your goal of your own home and a mortgage then it seems like you need to work together to achieve this and pool your money together - it doesn't seem to be working for you to have separate finances.

Mnd

Heather2603 wrote: »

Honestly why are you putting up with this? A marriage is meant to be a partnership. Why are you doing all the childcare? Can you up your hours at work? I would do that and tell him he needs to either cover half the pick ups or contribute to after school care.

Is he always this selfish? I couldn't stay with someone like him, I could have no respect for a man who would let his wife suffer alone.

Thanks Heather, agree with every word.
A marriage is a partnership, when I met my current wife she had lots of little debts and a big mortgage, I had no debts and a little mortgage. It was obvious from early on that we were going to be together and then her money issues became ours...

zmblake

Hi guys

Sorry I haven't been on and thank you all so much for your comments, they are appreciated.

Husband doesn't want me to do a DMP, so am trying to write to each of my debtors and ask if they can help. have also asked my boss if I can up my hours from 25 hrs a week to 27.5 hrs a week, not a lot however an extra 10 hours a month so should help a bit and I can still pick my sons up from school. Fingers crossed my boss says yes.

I re-did my SOA properly and it shows every month I'm short of £223.90.

Husband does not want to seem to talk to me regards this, I think this is as when he usually does say anything, I go on the defensive (if I'm completely honest) as he feels I spend money stupidly...........he is right but I usually go on the defensive due to the way he says it. We are both at fault if I'm honest and I'm still with him as I do love him. He is a bit selfish, but then I'm not perfect either.

I will keep trying to speak to him though but not sure if will help me really!