Taking back the control

Thick_n_Thin

Hello diary,
I’ve been feeling a bit down over the last few days, the realisation that I haven’t actually paid off my debt by consolidating but have just moved it and camouflaged it in with my mortgage and possibly put my house at risk. If I’m truly honest I haven’t really addressed my spending habits, time to be honest but when we remortgaged from interest only to repayment we ended up with the investment vehicle that we had set up to pay off the capital which was £30k, we had decided that we would save this for our retirement and not touch it! Guess what happened? Yes we spent it !!! On what... well 2 holidays, down payments on two new cars and other bits and bobs for the house, we do have 12k left which I’m determined not to touch and treat as the start of our retirement savings but I’m just so angry at myself for allowing it all to happen ..... I feel sick at the money we have wasted over the years. OH is quite frugal by nature and I feel like I have corrupted him, everything we do is at my suggestion and I want so much for things to be different but I just get so impatient for things and when I see something I don’t want to wait! I can’t even bare the thought of us not having a holiday next year, everything just seems so hopeless and if I’m honest boring! Is this the way it’s got to be, watching every penny cos I don’t think I can do it and I’m scared that I’ll never be able to change! Sorry for the rant!

Onebrokelady

Thick_n_Thin wrote: »

Hello diary,
I’ve been feeling a bit down over the last few days, the realisation that I haven’t actually paid off my debt by consolidating but have just moved it and camouflaged it in with my mortgage and possibly put my house at risk. If I’m truly honest I haven’t really addressed my spending habits, time to be honest but when we remortgaged from interest only to repayment we ended up with the investment vehicle that we had set up to pay off the capital which was £30k, we had decided that we would save this for our retirement and not touch it! Guess what happened? Yes we spent it !!! On what... well 2 holidays, down payments on two new cars and other bits and bobs for the house, we do have 12k left which I’m determined not to touch and treat as the start of our retirement savings but I’m just so angry at myself for allowing it all to happen ..... I feel sick at the money we have wasted over the years. OH is quite frugal by nature and I feel like I have corrupted him, everything we do is at my suggestion and I want so much for things to be different but I just get so impatient for things and when I see something I don’t want to wait! I can’t even bare the thought of us not having a holiday next year, everything just seems so hopeless and if I’m honest boring! Is this the way it’s got to be, watching every penny cos I don’t think I can do it and I’m scared that I’ll never be able to change! Sorry for the rant!

You don't need to go without,you just need to budget and save for the things you are going to want,once you get into it it becomes quite addictive
I am an emotional spender who suffers from depression,I spend my way out of sadness but I've learned to turn it around and now I'm saving my way out of sadness,I begrudge spending money now and although I am tempted on a regular basis I now go away and think about it before I spend and usually I don't bother

Take the Xmas scenario for me,normally I haven't budgeted for it and leave it until the last minute hoping for a miracle windfall to drop into my lap,I then realise this isn't going to happen so out comes the credit card and off I go buying all sorts of things without thinking about it
When I had my lightbulb moment last January I decided then I would never use a credit card again and would save for Xmas, so now I have a Xmas savings pot and I have set a lower budget than I used to allow so I don't get carried away and this year I feel so much more relaxed about it all,it's a much more pleasant experience and I know come next January I am going to be so happy that I haven't run up a huge credit card bill that I can't pay

I think it was you that I spoke to when I said I consolidated my debt before by taking out extra on my mortgage but it didn't help me because it was a quick fix and although I genuinely meant to not get into debt again it didn't take long before I was back to my old ways,this time I'm in a DMP that is going to take a long time to pay off and my credit rating is trashed but I needed that to happen,I wouldn't or indeed couldn't get credit now and seeing that payment to my debt go out of my bank every month is enough of a deterrent to keep me in line forever now

Maybe now you have actually had a genuine lightbulb moment and can now budget and plan for the things you want,I am another who wants everything yesterday but I am developing patience now,also you might buy something now that you really want and think you need it but in six months time there will be something else or something better that you want,so I just think to myself "I won't buy that now I will wait because in a few months I will see something better and so it goes on"

I struggle with this advice myself but try not to look back at your financial mistakes because it's done now and you can't change it,you just need to move on and learn from the past and not repeat it

Thick_n_Thin

Thank you onebrokelady, I know what you are saying makes sense, no point thinking about it now what’s done is done! I really need to work on managing my mindset and my moods as I know that this is a big factor in why I spend, I think I do suffer from low level depression although I’ve never spoken to anyone about this and I just accepted that it’s part of who I am! Anyway I have had some success with eBay over the weekend, my big item bought me £50 so this has been redirected from the decorating fund to my current account to cover my dentist bill! My personal spends are now £6 and I have 13 days to go until payday, the grocery budget has been blown, I have enough to last until next weekend but then I will need to supplement from e bay sales, my one objective is not to go into overdraft territory before I get paid! I can do this !!!

Thick_n_Thin

So to keep myself motivated this is my small wins from this weekend,
eBay sale went straight to current account to cover a bill - in the old days it would of been put in my purse and frittered away on nothing.
Food shopped from a shopping list that was derived from a meal plan- realised that I could of made the budget last longer had alcohol not been included, from now on I will include 1 bottle of wine per week and anymore will need to come from personal spending
Made use of some leftovers for Saturday evenings meal
Nice walk around a nearby nature reserve and parking was free as the meter was broken, took a flask and a small picnic to eat in the car so we wouldn’t be tempted whilst out!
Tilly tidyed some cash into savings so total from Tilly tidys now stands at £2.99. I think I will let this build up and save it for Xmas 2019!
Some days I think I may be getting the hang of this !

Kitten868

Have you looked at a LISA? You and hubby could get one each and put £4k each in and the government top it up with £1000. You'd have to look into if you're eligible but I think it would definitely take it out of temptation as you can't spend it. The remaining £4k keep £1k as an emergency fund and the other £3k to over pay your mortgage. Then you can whittle down the credit card and then your next challenge is to fill up the LISA with £4k again and then overpay the mortgage. Rinse and repeat every year? Trying to see it as a challenge to keep you on the straight and narrow. Xxx

Onebrokelady

Thick_n_Thin wrote: »

Thank you onebrokelady, I know what you are saying makes sense, no point thinking about it now what’s done is done! I really need to work on managing my mindset and my moods as I know that this is a big factor in why I spend, I think I do suffer from low level depression although I’ve never spoken to anyone about this and I just accepted that it’s part of who I am! Anyway I have had some success with eBay over the weekend, my big item bought me £50 so this has been redirected from the decorating fund to my current account to cover my dentist bill! My personal spends are now £6 and I have 13 days to go until payday, the grocery budget has been blown, I have enough to last until next weekend but then I will need to supplement from e bay sales, my one objective is not to go into overdraft territory before I get paid! I can do this !!!

Well done on the eBay sale and coming up with a plan to get you through,I'm useless with money if I can do it you can do it

Thick_n_Thin

Kitten868 - what is a LISA?

Thick_n_Thin

So apart from £20 for diesel today has been a nsd! Been paid for another 2 eBay items and I have one non payer! Why do people do that????? Very frustrating especially as tomorrow is the only day I can get to the post office!!!
PayPal funds are building up so I am confident now that this will get me through until payday, I read on Pinterest today a piece by Dave Ramsey that it can take up to 6 months to find a realistic budget that works for you so I’m not going to beat myself up to much about this months not being correct! I know where I have gone wrong. The grocery budget of £280 is sufficient but only if I make a meal plan, shopping list and reduce the amount of alcohol bought. My personal spends where not adequate as I had a birthday that I had not budgeted for, so going forward I’m going to continue with my Tilly tidys and also my loose change jar to support this. Also I borrowed £30 the week before payday last month and frittered it away on shop bought lunch’s and takeaway coffees, had I not done this I probably would of been able to get my roots done, oh and an I didn’t budget for the dentist which was £59, so from next month I’m going to start saving towards household bills and personal bills such as dentist/optitions etc I’m thinking £100 for house hold bills and £20 for personal bills, I’ll have to see how this one goes!
Feeling a little more optimistic today, swings and roundabouts!

Onebrokelady

Definitely the way forward to have saving pots for everything,that way you don't get any unpleasant surprises and if you have a pot for it you can treat yourself

Thick_n_Thin

Just wrote a long post and then lost it!!!

I have looked into LISA however it’s only available if you are under 40 which rules us both out!
I have so many though swimming round in my head at the moment with regards to my 5 year plan, our mortgage has 8 years and 5 months left so do I overpay and try and reduce quicker then free up that cash to find retirement savings for a few years or so I let nature take its course and let the mortgage run and start building up savings now? I need to think about this in more detail and make some proper calculations but my gut is telling me to pay down the mortgage, realisticly nothing will happen until I get rid of my credit card so I have a few months at least to tinker with the plan!

I think I have miscalculated the budget in my favour, my council tax dosnt leave my account until the 31st of each month and I get paid again on the 30th so there is potentially £132 there! I won’t touch it but if it’s still there when I get paid I’m going to use the £100 to completely clear the overdraft and use the £32 as an additional overpayment on the cc!

Today’s plan looks like this
Speak to financial advisor at 1130am, our current mortgage deal ends in March next year so hopefully he will get us a better deal!
Wrap 2 eBay parcels and walk to post Office ( non payer has still not paid!)
Try and find 3 items to eBay, aim is to constantly have stuff listed so I will have a constant little drip of cash into PayPal!
Check bank account and tidy up funds
Visit gym for a run and weights session, I have been slacking in this area and I need exercise to keep my moods on an even keel!
Quick tidy and clean of the house, should be no more than an hour,

I am feeling a bit frustrated that my precious eBay sales are going to be swallowed up by nexts weeks food shopping so I am going to meal plan like crazy at the end of this week and try and get nexts weeks shopping for under £30, I haven’t even considered how I am going to fund any Christmas shopping this year!
Oh and I forgot to mention I declined a December night out the other day!! I just can’t justify it!