Telling the parents, and thanks.

50p

Hi all,

Firstly I have to say this site is a wonderful resource, I guess I’ve been a lurker for some time.

I am ~29k in debt - two unsecured loans and two credit cards.

For too long now I've hidden my debt from the people I am nearest and dearest to. It's not just the debt that gets me , it's the way I’ve been avoiding my family so they don’t find out. I have such wonderful and caring parents, and I honestly feel I’ve not been much of a son to them over the past couple of years. If I’m being truthful this hurts me more than the debt does, a lot more. This alone has made me very unhappy (trying not to use the word depressed!) and probably hindered me making the progress I know I’m capable of.

One of the things that makes this difficult for me is a proportion of the debt is gambling related, the rest is over spending and generally poor budgeting. To make matters even more confusing, I wouldn’t say I have a normal (if such a thing exists) gambling problem. I don’t have a real urge to gamble unless I’ve got a drink in me, but I wouldn’t say I’ve got a drinking problem either! I drink no more, maybe less than a lot of my friends. I know one thing for sure, I do have an addictive personality and tend to do things to excess, which runs in the family.

So with my ramblings out of the road I hope that explains why I really need to tell my family. Tonight I’m putting the finishing touches to completing my CCCS debt remedy report as I wan't to go through the options with my family, tidying the house (as I’ll no doubt have a family visit shortly!) and tomorrow I’m going to approach the parents and tell all.

I guess the purpose of this thread is to thank all the contributors who have given me ideas even if they weren’t directed at me. The CCCS site really is wonderful, and reading other peoples experiences has really let me know that I’m not alone. I have thought in the past this would be enough to put me on track, but I really do need the added support from my family. Even if they disown me, which I very much doubt they would, the fact I’d opened up would alone be a weight off my shoulders.

Secondly, I’ve never really opened up about my addictive personality and my losing combination of alcohol and drink. This is almost like a practice run, because telling them will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Thanks again to all, and I will report back. If anyone wants to share any stories of 'coming out' in a debt sense to their family I'd be glad to hear them:)

SOA:

Monthly Incomings:

My salary - £1,275


Monthly Outgoings:

Mortgage £380
Electric £51 (going to have a look at uswitch etc)
Virgin Media £20 (was £55 but have cut it back)
Vodafone £25 (still under contract, going PAYG in 2 months)
Factoring £15
TV Licence £11
Council Tax £95
Insurance £16
Petrol £40 (but variable)
Food etc £140 (less when I've been budgeting correctly, can be more when I'm not. Used to be a lot more)

Loan: Nationwide (APR 6.4%) £10519.97
Loan: Cahoot (APR 9.7%) £9936.84
Barclaycard Visa £4850
M&S Visa £4300

millionaire_in_training

Good luck to you. I'm sure your family will be glad that you want to share this with them and they will support you. Keep updating and let us know. You could always stick on your SOA and we can have a look at it for you x

doodledo_2

Good luck telling your parents hopefully once they know they will be able to provide you with the support you need to deal with your debt.

Like the PP has said put up an SOA and I bet there will be some good suggestions for you from the lovely people on here.

50p

Doh. I have no idea why I wrote that ramble and never even thought it include an SOA. Going out a moment but will edit the 1st post on my return. would be happy to hear others opinions of what my options are. Thanks for your kind words.

Spirit_2

Good for you, by "coming out" you will make a better recovery (in every sense) because you are willing to be open about it. I am sure the debt drinking and gambling will be a bit of a shock to some of your family but you sound as if you have mentally prepared for that. Do come back on here if you need support.

Good luck, your desire for honesty deserves it.

Spirit

poppyoscar_3

Good luck 50p, and I know you'll feel so much better for being open with those closest to you - a problem shared and all that.

Will be following your story, if that's ok with you. I know you will do great! You sound like you're really raring to go!

Bon courage!

50p

Monthly Incomings:

My salary - £1,275


Monthly Outgoings:

Mortgage £380
Electric £51 (going to have a look at uswitch etc)
Virgin Media £20 (was £55 but have cut it back)
Vodafone £25 (still under contract, going PAYG in 2 months)
Factoring £15
TV Licence £11
Council Tax £95
Insurance £16
Petrol £40 (but variable)
Food etc £140 (less when I've been budgeting correctly, can be more when I'm not. Used to be a lot more)

Loan: Nationwide (APR 6.4%) £10519.97
Loan: Cahoot (APR 9.7%) £9936.84
Barclaycard Visa £4850
M&S Visa £4300

A complete rush copying and pasting figures from the spreadsheets I've been trying to work with, one of which I couldn't find. Will update when I get back but really wanted to get this posted just now. Right, I'm late!

Thanks again.

In_Search_Of_Me

The main thing is that you're dealing with things...have you sought help from AA or Gamblers anon? The first step is ack that you have a problem with these issues so that you can move forward & only you know whether you have done this in your heart of hearts. If you are open and honest with your family it will be easier for them to support you in dealing with this but you may need to give them time to absorb what you say; you know more about your family than we do & traits do run in families!
Good luck & keep us updated...

bored_of_debt

Good on ya mate... certainly sounds like your heading in the right direction.

Your situation doesn't sound too dissimilar to mine was, both in terms of running up the debt and hiding it. Keeping an eye on the pound notes doesn't mean not goin out and getting on the beers it just means thinkin about your spending a bit more.

I'm sure your feel much better when you tell them about your debt, they'll probably be a little shocked at first but give em time to come round and they'll probably be fine, they can then offer you support even if it is just asking you how your getting on with it now and then...

Good luck you heading in the right direction!

Willsnarf1983

hey mate

I'm a little worried about the denial that you only gamble when u've been drinking, 29k is alot of money to do that whilst only on the drinking terms. Are you being completely honest with yourself about that?

Also i would suggest as others goto GA to get some help and make sure u give them a chance, don't just go for one night and jack it in as u think ur cured.

As for the debt, its not going to go away overnight and its going to be a long slog btu the main thing is not to worry about it, the more u worry the more likely u'll gamble and the more debt u'll get in. I wouldn't suggest cutting away ur life, personally i believe u just need to get back to a normal life and start chipping away at the debt without losing a 'normal' life...if that makes sense

Cheers

Will

MushyPeas

Good luck 50p, I hope this is a new start for you