Trapped because of first home

Keep_pedalling

If the relationship is that poor he should make a clean break, force the sale of the house if nessasary.

Suman91

Oh believe me I don’t want the 200k- I would love to rent but husband sees is as a waste of money. Different levels of desperation I guess!

Suman91

His parents gave gave it to them years and years ago- way before me when things were good. Culturally we’re expected to stay with the in laws forever. See how that’s working out

Rosemary7391

Suman91 wrote: »

Oh believe me I don’t want the 200k- I would love to rent but husband sees is as a waste of money. Different levels of desperation I guess!

This is starting to sound more like a relationship problem than a housing one tbh. You have options, you and your husband need to get together to decide which one to take and how to deal with the downsides (financial, emotional) that come with it.

AdrianC

Suman91 wrote: »

Culturally we’re expected to stay with the in laws forever.

That's just emotional blackmail.

moneyistooshorttomention

Suman91 wrote: »

We live in an incredibly tense environment with his family. Has gotten abusive with bus family and I’m at breaking point living there. We have no say in our life’s or the house and it’s used an leverage to control us so I would rather forfeit 200k we are never going to actually see for a happy life. He may own that share but we would never expect them to buy us out as they can’t, cant sell to anyone as culturally not acceptable and can’t afford to buy with this share so I would say it’s more like a ligature than an asset

But you will see your £200k back at some point - even if their house doesnt get sold until they die. If you've got it safely legally in writing that you own x% of that house - you indeed own x% of that house and they can't steal that from you.

All they can do is delay their house sale until their deaths.

So - I'd be concerned in your position that they might disinherit you from getting an inheritance of some/all of THEIR share of the house. But they cannot "disinherit" you from YOUR share of the house - it belongs to you...end of.

I think the questions you need to ask in your circumstances are:

1. Do you have written proof you own a proportion of this house?

2. Is there a legal way to force them to sell this house (so you can get back that bit of your money tied-up in it at present). I would imagine you would use the same laws we use here ourselves if a married couple separate and one of them is trying to resist selling the house to hand over their "share" to their ex-spouse.

Personally - I'd rather get disinherited from receiving THEIR share of this joint house if it meant I had freedom to live my life as I chose without them interfering and I'm British (ie my parents wouldnt try and interfere so much as yours might). So if you are trying to live in a way they don't actually like - but that is perfectly normal for us - then all the more reason to "cut ties" with them if they are trying to get you to live in a different way (ie their generations way).

"Cant sell as culturally not acceptable" my *** - I've never heard of that one as an excuse for people to do (not do in this case) as they want. Tough - on them. Perfectly the done thing to sell if one really wants to - rather than making excuses not to.

Mojisola

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

This is starting to sound more like a relationship problem than a housing one tbh.

You have options, you and your husband need to get together to decide which one to take and how to deal with the downsides (financial, emotional) that come with it.

And if he puts his parents above your health and well-being, find somewhere to rent on your own.

AnotherJoe

So, unfortunately I was right its nothing to do with the in laws, its your husband.


I suggest you make it clear, either he steps up, or you move out.

James1968

In some cultures it is the custom for families to share a house.

It seems that in this instance, the arrangement isn't working as it should as the op finds her in-laws are controlling and overbearing.

I agree with the renting is a waste of money argument when you are looking to buy. However, in this case it would get you out of the situation you are currently in.

xylophone

Then the one third share was a gift ( and from parents who may well be approaching retirement now) - on that basis, proceeding down the forcing a sale route might well be a non starter. The court could well take the view that their need was greater than their son's.

I still don't understand why the OP and spouse don't just save up the extra cash required (on nearly £70,000 a year between them they are hardly paupers) and move out?

Or is the case that the spouse still wants to live in the property despite

We live in an incredibly tense environment with his family. Has gotten abusive with bus family