Helping family member

shinytop

Not sure if this is the right forum but I'll try anyway. My son currently rents; it's expensive and I end up 'helping' more often than I want. What's the best way for me to buy a house for him to live in? He'll struggle to get a mortgage because of work and credit history. I'd rather the property were in my name (for now anyway). I'm not looking to make a profit from him, just use my better financial standing to help and to avoid paying a lot of money as rent. I've considered BTL, 2nd home, buying outright through mortgage on my house (plenty equity available). I want something that's cheap (obviously) but reasonably reversible - either to abandon the whole thing if it doesn't work out or transfer the house to him if/when he's in a better position. Any thoughts welcome.

mrginge

Is there any way that you could encourage him to help himself?

McKneff

Do you really tnink he will pay you the rent, mo th after montn after month.
You are making a rod for your own back

Edi81

Your son needs to take responsibility for himself.
Helping him out like this isn’t helping in the long term.

getmore4less

kevfm wrote: »

Not sure if this is the right forum but I'll try anyway. My son currently rents; it's expensive and I end up 'helping' more often than I want. What's the best way for me to buy a house for him to live in? He'll struggle to get a mortgage because of work and credit history. I'd rather the property were in my name (for now anyway). I'm not looking to make a profit from him, just use my better financial standing to help and to avoid paying a lot of money as rent. I've considered BTL, 2nd home, buying outright through mortgage on my house (plenty equity available). I want something that's cheap (obviously) but reasonably reversible - either to abandon the whole thing if it doesn't work out or transfer the house to him if/when he's in a better position. Any thoughts welcome.

That criteria is a BIG problem.

For you to buy.
The setup costs will be high due to second home stamp duty and selling costs if you need to abandon.


There are mortgage products designed to help where you support by depositing up funds for a period and get it back if the mortgage gets paid.

if the credit history is patchy that could be an issue.

I would get to the bottom of the need to subsidise currently, it is more than just high rent.

The starting point on a purchase would be to look at costs of owning against renting and a proper budget.

shinytop

Thanks Getmore4less. I know about stamp duty and reselling costs and realise I may be asking for something that doesn't exist. To the others - with respect I didn't ask for advice on my family relationships; if I wanted that now I certainly wouldn't do so on a mortgage discussion board. You know nothing about me other than what I have posted on these boards so making statements like "Helping him out like this isn’t helping in the long term." isn't helpful. How do you know that given what you know about me and my situation?

Anyway, if anyone can help me with what I'm actually asking I would be very grateful.

(Text removed by MSE Forum Team)

MortgageMamma

KevFM

I sympathise. I have a 21 year old daughter who was struggling also. Working 60 hours a week to pay her rent and bills whilst living alone. BUT - part of her difficulties were of her own doing. She wants a champagne lifestyle on lemonade money. A week after payday her wages were gone. Some of the things I tried to talk to her about were

1, getting taxis to work 3 miles away. Expensive. A weekly bus pass would have sorted that, ro she could have cycled or walked.
2, buying branded food and clothing. I'm on a decent income and still do my weekly shop between aldi and iceland. I use the savings to pay for holidays. She shops in next I shop at sports direct etc.
3, Nights out. Yes I know she's only 21 but does a night out have to cost way over £60 each time
4, Tattoos and piercings - why pay for these if you then can't afford to eat two weeks into the month
5, Designer make up - she shops at benefit, I shop at Avon. Does just as good a job at a fraction of the price.
6, Expensive mobile bills - she always has to have the very best phone with a chunky contract - I have a SIM only deal and still use an iPhone 6.

So what I am saying is your childs lack of budgeting skills is not your fault and you should not be judged for it. I am sure you have done your best to help your child save money, as I did, and I am still being accused of nagging even now.

I was literally subbing my daughter £600-£700 a month and then I found out she'd been tapping her grandad and pleading poverty also - my blood boiled at this point. She was facing homelessness if I stopped paying her rent so I convinced her to move home and live with me again, and had to insist my two younger girls shared a room together.

Now she's back home she is still skint two weeks before payday and I only take £25 a week off her for food. Its infuriating. I still try to curb her spending but no luck.

If your situation is anything like mine I'd recommend letting it play out - if your child is genuinely struggling and not spending excessively then its understandable you want to help, but you are in that situation where you don't want to help too much as it hampers independence, and you don;t want to cost yourself a fortune by trying to help. What sort of property do you have? A friend of mine built a well insulated summer house at the bottom of the garden that her son sleeps in most of the year, (happily) but then when its really cold he comes and stops in the house. She says its a happy balance between helping out but not having too much disruption to home.routine etc. You could also consider buying a caravan and doing the same. You get your space, your child gets theirs and it won't cost a fortune

csgohan4

kevfm wrote: »

Thanks Getmore4less. I know about stamp duty and reselling costs and realise I may be asking for something that doesn't exist. To the others - with respect I didn't ask for advice on my family relationships; if I wanted that now I certainly wouldn't do so on a mortgage discussion board. You know nothing about me other than what I have posted on these boards so making statements like "Helping him out like this isn’t helping in the long term." isn't helpful. How do you know that given what you know about me and my situation?

Anyway, if anyone can help me with what I'm actually asking I would be very grateful.

(Text removed by MSE Forum Team)

money and family shouldn't mix, you will be the one losing out if you on a chance you buy him a house.


If you really want to buy a house and don't mind being a lifetime ATM for him, engage a broker to evaluate your options

shinytop

Mortgagemamma, I think you are talking a lot of sense and I would probably do something similar if my circumstances were the same. I wish my son were merely frivolous and irresponsible but it's more serious and permanent than that.

I must say I'm disappointed with the knee jerk reactions like these

If you really want to buy a house and don't mind being a lifetime ATM for him, engage a broker to evaluate your options

Your son needs to take responsibility for himself.

You are making a rod for your own back

It's not a case of 'do I mind'; Unfortunately my son is, and will be for the foreseeable future, dependent on me, financially and otherwise. I will be a 'lifetime ATM' for him if you want to put it like that.

All I'm trying to do is work out whether there's a better way of providing what I do now and was asking for some advice.

csgohan4

kevfm wrote: »

Mortgagemamma, I think you are talking a lot of sense and I would probably do something similar if my circumstances were the same. I wish my son were merely frivolous and irresponsible but it's more serious and permanent than that.

I must say I'm disappointed with the knee jerk reactions like these



It's not a case of 'do I mind'; Unfortunately my son is, and will be for the foreseeable future, dependent on me, financially and otherwise. I will be a 'lifetime ATM' for him if you want to put it like that.

All I'm trying to do is work out whether there's a better way of providing what I do now and was asking for some advice.

As you are fully aware of the ramifications of your actions, your next step is to approach lenders or engage a broker in moving forward to buying a house.



In regards to the 'knee jerk' reaction, we have seen it time and time again when money and family goes wrong. Have look at the forums


Here's one to start you off


https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5842250/desperate-need-of-advice

If you don't live with your son, there will be tax and legal implications if your son pays rent to you. That is if you can get past that a large proportion of lenders don't like lending if a family member is staying and your not staying there, effectively a buy to let.

Teamocil

kevfm wrote: »

making statements like "Helping him out like this isn’t helping in the long term." isn't helpful. How do you know that given what you know about me and my situation?

You have to remember that these forums are populated with lots of BTL landlords who have a vested interest in the young being trapped in private rented accommodation.