Argument with OH over saving VS spending

GreyPilgrim

themaccas wrote: »

do you see it as 'your own' money or jointly owned money, if it's joint, then she has as much say as you do in what happens to it. I see of a lot of 'me', 'I've', 'mine' in your post. I was just wondering if this partnership stretched to being a financial partnership too......

Toto wrote: »

Why not give her some financial control? Rather than all of the savings going into one account have 2 ISAs so she can get the pride in seeing her money grow each month too.

I was very much aware of the 'me' and 'my' as I was typing the original post. It's purely the way I type, I promise you. Our finances are pretty simple to be honest. I throw the majority of money into the savings and bills, OH puts in a little bit but then takes care of all the groceries, household spends, ready cash for day to day spending and such like so it all works out in the end. The savings are 'our' savings. We have two ISA's in my name and one in hers, and thats purely down to the order in which we set them up.
She's happy to let me do all the admin work with the financed because I'm a nerdy geek by nature and kind of enjoy it, but I've made her aware of all the documents, account numbers, passwords etc so that she's got full access to it and she's always aware of where we stand at any time. I've mdae it clear to her that I feel like I'm taking control sometimes and that I wish she'd get a bit more involved but I promise you, she's completely happy for me to do all of the boring stuff.

Toto wrote: »

And hang on a minute Mr Pilgrim... weren't you on about getting yourself a flashy motorbike a little while ago???? tut tut

yeah I know, but I've canned that idea for a while for these exact same reasons...when I've worked out exactly how much it's going to cost for a bike, helmet, leathers, tax, insurance and somewhere secure to keep it, it would mean an even bigger chunk out of the savings. See, at least I'm consistent in being tight fisted and don't have double standards!!!

themaccas

I understand GP, I'm exactly the same. I have complete control of our finances and although OH has access to every thing, he just leaves it all to me to sort out. I like it that way although I do wish OH would look at the accoun ts every now and then. Occasionally I'll ask him how much we have in our account and he'll pick a random number thinking I won't actually know the answer!:rolleyes: Although he is now getting very fussy about how much we should have for our xmas budget and it is a lot lower than I suggested so maybe he is learning:D

two_sheds_2

Me and OH are opposites when it comes to money. I save as much as poss, he spends as much as he can, on rubbish mostly (he is a compulsive spender). We're meant to be saving up to move in together, but he isn't saving anything at all.
He just got £3k for his old car. Is £10k in debt already, and just blew £8k on a new car. he's now £15k in debt, but is pleased because he's saving 10p a mile on fuel !
What does this tell me about his future intentions ????

ZTD

GreyPilgrim wrote: »

I find the thought of actually spending the savings hard to contemplate. There isn't really a 'goal' in sight...at first it was a deposit on a mortgage to get us out of the crappy area where we live, but at the moment with the state of the market, I think it would be a stupid move...we have really cheap rent at the moment. So I just want to keep on saving...

Just going to pull this up from below...

GreyPilgrim wrote: »

As I said we live in a crappy area,and I'd rather leave a £200 car in the street to be vandalised / stolen than leave a £2,000 car out there.

Well first, you should sit down and look at the rental market and study it in detail. Is the rent you're paying now worth it for the area it is? Cheapest is not always best. A sucking knife-wound to the chest is not high on MSE's freebie list.

GreyPilgrim wrote: »

Problem at the moment is the family car. Missus passed her test last year and we bought a really cheap (£180) car for her to run around in. She's of the opinion that it's going ot die any second, whereas I think it'll last another few months.

What does she mean by "die" - and what do you mean by "last"?

GreyPilgrim wrote: »

She want to buy another one, I don't. she says we'll need to spend about £2,000 on a decent car, otherwise if we buy another banger then we'll have to spend £1,000's on repairs. I think that's rubbish, We could spend a lot less and still get a decent runabout.

You *can*, but that doesn't mean to say you *will*. The reverse also applies - you can spend £2,000 on a car and still have to pay thousands to repair it.

GreyPilgrim wrote: »

Maybe I have become a bit obsessed about saving money, but is that a bad thing? It upset me a bit, to be honest...there are a million worse things to be obsessed with, surely...prostitutes, horse racing, slot machines, alcohol, but I've ignored these and plumped for building up a bank account.

I hope you're not thinking about "winning" this argument. If you're spending on something she wouldn't - you're wasting your money. If you're not spending on something she would - you're wasting your money.

It's the double-Y chromasome...

GreyPilgrim wrote: »

Sorry for the rant, I just need some perspective in this. When I get in this angry mood, I get tunnel vision and find it hard to see it from someone elses point of view, but right now it feels like I'm in the dog house for trying to make / keep our family solvent. I can appreciate that it's pointless just saving for the sake of saving but at the same time it's not as if our family really goes without. Jesus, if she thinks I'm being tight and overbearing now, they should have seen my grandad...

Well, some general observations:

1. That car will need to be replaced.
2. It's always better to replace things at your lesuire, rather than in haste.
3. Once-in-a-lifetime bargains are pretty common. It's just their timing is never when you need it. It's the timing that makes them once-in-a-lifetime.

So why don't you start looking for a replacement now - study the market and determine what is "normal". When that once-in-a-lifetime bargain comes along, not only will you recognise it's a bargain (because you know what is "normal"), but you'll have the money ready to take advantage of it.

How does that sound?

kizzykizzywizzy

You've done really well, but you do really need to chill a bit about the savings, £2000 wouldn't make that much of a dent.
You get one life, don't go mad and spoil the future by spending too much today, but don't look back & think I wish I'd done that either.
If it was all of your savings I would have said make do, especially if it's a keeping up with the Jones's kind of thing.
I'm the saver in this family, so I know what it's like when the other half isn't quite as passionate about it :mad:
Good luck & no more arguments :rotfl: ( not that I can say much as argued at the weekend, because he put the dishwasher on half full & kept leaving lights & tvs on everywhere! )

GreyPilgrim

Well, it's all made me think about stuff, so thank you for the repllies. Oddly enough one of the 'goals' I originally had when I got debt free and started saving was a for a new car. Not a brand new one, just one that cost more than £50 where I was fairly confident it would start everytime and where the doors would shut with a nice smooth "Ssshump" noise rather than a bone-jarring clang.

But that got replaced with a graph and a steadily increasing line called "total savings".

I think what's swayed me the most is the thought that my two most precious things in the world will be inside that metal box a lot of the time and they deserve to have a metal box with a decent set of brakes and a secure frame. You'll be happy to know I've emailed my wife and backed down, apologised for being too controlling with the savings and told her to start looking for a new car now at he leisure, rather than when the current car breaks down and we're desperate enough to take the first car we find.

Thanks for the input. I guess I was dumb to ever imagine that I could win an argument with a lass. :rotfl:

Emmzi

Maybe it's time for a whole review, and this car-buying thing is the catalyst.

Personally? I'd move somewhere I wouldn't need to worry *too* much about a £2k car getting knocked off... or I'd buy it anyway, knowing the 'fire and theft'bit of the insurance is for just those circumstances.

Time for a full discussion of 'where we're going'?

Emmzi

GreyPilgrim wrote: »

Thanks for the input. I guess I was dumb to ever imagine that I could win an argument with a lass. :rotfl:

You do win. You get a safer family out of it = win
She thinks she's won = win!

For you, the whole thing is made of win!

silkglade

Hi,

I hope you don't mind me butting in, but (well I am a woman too :rotfl: ) With what you have in savings and what your wife wants to spend on a car is so totally reasonable, I had a car that was falling to bits and I ended up spending far MORE on it than it was worth (total waste of money) I got a newer car 3 years ago (was 4 years old then, with low mileage (for me anyway) and I have to say that she has flown through all her MOT's and I have not had to pay out on her once (apart from windscreen wipers and bulbs) I have to say there is nothing like knowing your car will start and handle the long distance journeys.

The money you are potentially going to throw away on Hire cars and repairs are just not worth it.

Oh and by the way when I got my lovely shiney newer car I lived in a really terrible area and I have to say I never had a problem once with my car being vandalised or stollen.

To be honest the older cars are easier to steel and its the brand new ones that get vandalised. Or stolen to ship aboard. Also ones that are about 6 years old now seem to have immobilisers fitted too.

But thats just my opinion.

fistfullofdollars

From another blokes perspective (and one thats got to replace our car soon!), if you are going to spend more make sure its NCAP 5 Star but with loads of power so you can have fun to.

That way the good lady wife stays safe and I get to hoon around.

I'm actually more worried about my ones driving let alone the poor car. It I'll have a new gearbox and parking scuff on it in 6 months.

She agrees it will be nice to have a car that has airbags! (yikes!)