Argument with OH over saving VS spending

GreyPilgrim

So to get debt free, I changed my lifestyle. As with so many other people on these boards it was hard to get the message across to other half, who wanted to get debt free too, but wasn't as immediately willing to face the debts full on. The initial urge to put money in savings accounts rather than paying off credit cards was a hard one to combat too, and had to try really hard to explain why it made sense to pay off debts first, and then live off the credit card each month and then pay it off in full leaving salaries in bank until the last minute. I'll admit I got very fanatical about it...tried to change every habit so that I was saving a few pennies, rather than spending a few pennies, and to understand that 'even a few pennies' were worth saving because they added up.

I know that this seems to be a common problem here - one half of the partnership 'sees the light', and tries to make their other half believe in what they're doing but it's like leading a horse to water sometimes...I get frustrated that my OH isn't as fanatical as me.

When we actually made it to the debt free date, we allowed ourselves a few more luxuries, but in general we kept up the DF lifestyle. Salary goes into bank, chunk of money gets transferred to bill account, chunk gets transferred to savings account, every spend is considered as 'do we NEED this, or do we just WANT it' and documented so that we don't overspend. For the first time in my life, I have a savings account (well, not strictly true. I should say for the first time in my life I have a savings account with money in it ). I won't try and pretend here - I AM OBSESSED by the fact that I finally have money - a security blanket in case something drastic happens - something that proves that I've moved on from being a hard drinking, dope smoking 'never really stopped being immature' quasi-student waster and am now a responsible family man with a wife and daughter who provides them with security and a warm home. I check my finances everyday, always look at the savings accounts, get a buzz each month when the money from our salary goes in, and then a couple of quid extra in interest gets added on. The thought of compound interest is great too...


So yeah, I admit, I'm obsessed by it but it's there's an argument on the horizon now.


I find the thought of actually spending the savings hard to contemplate. There isn't really a 'goal' in sight...at first it was a deposit on a mortgage to get us out of the crappy area where we live, but at the moment with the state of the market, I think it would be a stupid move...we have really cheap rent at the moment. So I just want to keep on saving...

Problem at the moment is the family car. Missus passed her test last year and we bought a really cheap (£180) car for her to run around in. She's of the opinion that it's going ot die any second, whereas I think it'll last another few months. She want to buy another one, I don't. she says we'll need to spend about £2,000 on a decent car, otherwise if we buy another banger then we'll have to spend £1,000's on repairs. I think that's rubbish, We could spend a lot less and still get a decent runabout. She implies (but doesn't say) that I've become so obsessed with saving money that I just don't want to spend it. i think that's unfair. I personally think it's because it's a battered little fiesta. Her sisters and her best friend passed their tests at roughly the same time and all of them actually went out and bought big, newish, shiny cars on credit. We also had a hire car last week (it was a long journey and we didn't think our car was up to it) and she's finally experienced what a new car feels like.

Maybe I have become a bit obsessed about saving money, but is that a bad thing? It upset me a bit, to be honest...there are a million worse things to be obsessed with, surely...prostitutes, horse racing, slot machines, alcohol, but I've ignored these and plumped for building up a bank account.
I even want to tell her it's for our retirement, but does that sound a bit premature when we're in out mid thirties? I don't want to stop enjoying life now, but at the same time I don't really want to work until 65 then find we've got nothing in the bank to relax with.

I see her point though - she says we can't take it with us, so it makes little sense to just continually horde money away without ever spending any of it, but I don't see the point in spending £2,000 on a car. As I said we live in a crappy area,and I'd rather leave a £200 car in the street to be vandalised / stolen than leave a £2,000 car out there.

Sorry for the rant, I just need some perspective in this. When I get in this angry mood, I get tunnel vision and find it hard to see it from someone elses point of view, but right now it feels like I'm in the dog house for trying to make / keep our family solvent. I can appreciate that it's pointless just saving for the sake of saving but at the same time it's not as if our family really goes without. Jesus, if she thinks I'm being tight and overbearing now, they should have seen my grandad...

Emmzi

Pilgrim,

for a woman (wwell, for me), having a 'safe' car is about more than show. It's about not getting stuck in the middle of nowhere and feeling vulnerable. It's about being there on time for your kids. It's about knowing the brakes are going to stop the damn thing.. and so on.

How much do you have saved? How many months 'emergency' money is it? Are you only going to have one car in the family?

As a rough guide, my next car will cost me about 12 months 'savings', but I'm only buying it once I have that in cash, plus 6 months emergency money.

GreyPilgrim

Emmzi wrote: »

Pilgrim,

for a woman (wwell, for me), having a 'safe' car is about more than show. It's about not getting stuck in the middle of nowhere and feeling vulnerable. It's about being there on time for your kids. It's about knowing the brakes are going to stop the damn thing.. and so on.

How much do you have saved? How many months 'emergency' money is it? Are you only going to have one car in the family?

As a rough guide, my next car will cost me about 12 months 'savings', but I'm only buying it once I have that in cash, plus 6 months emergency money.

The safety thing is a fair point and I completely accept that. See...a bit of impartial perspective. You've already made me reconsider my position (you cow , I'm sure all you woman are in it together.)

Savings at the moment are about £8,600. I know that taknig £2,000 out of them for a car is still going to leave me more money than I've EVER had in my life, but it's still a big chunk to lose.

Emmzi

GP,

there is a balance between 'tomorrow' and 'today'. (Have just been watching last week's wifeswap where they guy worked 80+ hours a week and hadn't seen his kids properly in months...)

Let's offset it against
- cost of taxis
- hire cars
- ability to do shopping at cheaper out of town sites
- emotional cost

Personally? I would spend it and see her in something safe. And then I would make damned sure I ENJOYED my car, by having all those runs out in the country.

But she has to buy her own furry dice, and it gets hand washed, not put through the machine!

GreyPilgrim

Hold on....my missus is called Emma...it's not you, by any chance is it?

pollyanna24

I can appreciate where you are coming from. Strangely enough, me and bf have almost exactly the same amount of savings as you (£8,504 to be precise).

He now wants to blow pretty much the whole lot doing the electrics and plumbing in the house. While I'm sure this is a pretty good idea in a 50s ex-council house, I just can't bear to let go of the money. To me, it was to supplment our income if one of us lost our job, or if I got up the duff, then I could afford to be off work for a while.

themaccas

I think she has a point, you have done an amazing job of building up such a secure foundation in your savings account but you and she need to LIVE too, do you see it as 'your own' money or jointly owned money, if it's joint, then she has as much say as you do in what happens to it. I see of a lot of 'me', 'I've', 'mine' in your post. I was just wondering if this partnership stretched to being a financial partnership too......

Good luck and well done to you though

Toto

Why not give her some financial control? Rather than all of the savings going into one account have 2 ISAs so she can get the pride in seeing her money grow each month too.

I would certainly let her buy a car she is comfortable in, safety is a big issue and you'd never forgive yourself if she was hurt in a crash in a rusty old bit of tin would you?

Toto

And hang on a minute Mr Pilgrim... weren't you on about getting yourself a flashy motorbike a little while ago???? tut tut :eek:

I'm on Mrs Ps side here I think :rotfl:

LookingAhead

I don't envy you this one GP!

I do totally understand your reasons for not wanting a nicer car if you live in a crappy area. It attracts all the wrong attention. However as people have said, there is no price on your family's safety, none at all (can I say that applies to you too pollyanna ) and you can start saving again immediately.

How about the insurance & servicing costs on a new car too and things like cambelt replacement etc? You should look into all this before you say yes to anything specific. So perhaps there is something to compromise with. Yes you can have a newer car but it's got to a certain type?

Good luck!

LA x

marksandsparksgal

Could you guys not compromise, and buy say something that's £1000-1500? plenty of prefectly decent , but just a bit older cars. Although as others have said, do your homework before hand. And I know exactly how you feel with being obsessive with my money, I was lucky enough to come into a little bit a while ago and now I'm obsessive about my cards / ISA etc, can't wait for those magic words, "interest recieved" on my ISA statement lol!

(And regarding Fiestas I bought a lovely R reg which was in tip top condition 2 years ago for a grand, so IMO there's nothing wrong with them!)

XX