How to slow down?

Mojisola

A_Simple_Home wrote: »

My dad passed away 2 weeks ago and the house reflects my state of mind. A bit of a mess!

The garden on the other hand looks great as I love gardening and it is my therapy.

It sounds as if you've got things just right - you have to be kind to yourself at times like this.

To be honest, looking back to after Mum and Dad died, I just wasn't really 'there' half the time.

Don't make any big changes or expect too much of yourself - if you need help and people are offering, accept it.

If not and the house is getting you down, use a cleaning agency to do a couple of big, one-off cleans for you.

trulymadlyhannah

GreyQueen - I totally agree and am with you on the sofa with my cup of tea! I will have a look for those books too

A Simple Home - I am so sorry to hear about your loss, my dad passed away just at the end of november last year, grief is so complicated and it took me at least 6 weeks to fuction 'normally', and even then I had days where I felt the wind had been totally knocked out of my sails. I wish I could come and do your housework, and you are totally welcome to come potter in my garden :rotfl:

Hope you are feeling brighter soon, its still early days, potter in the garden and drink all the tea if it helps xx

bit_by_bit

Hi A Simple Home, I was very ill a few years ago and tried the list thing which helped. But.......don't getstressed about not completing it. I had a mantra.....Do One Thing. Making a cup of tea was my starting point. That helped. When I get overwhelmed I pick a corner of the house and just do that, be it the bathroom, porch or kitchen, 10 minutes at a time.

Hugs for the loss of your Dad. Xxx

Nonnadiluca

I have an autoimmune condition which flares up from time to time and used to get really stressed about what I wasn't managing to get done on bad days, so I have a baseline: walk the dogs and put food on the table. If that's all I do the day has been a success and anything over and above is a bonus! Also, getting rid of stuff has made a huge difference to the amount of housework that needs doing; things you haven't got don't need cleaning, moving, maintaining or anything else.
It's also surprising what you can do in a few minutes - clearing a worktop while waiting for the kettle to boil, wiping the bathroom sink while cleaning your teeth, flicking a duster when you're on the phone. The thing is to find a level of tidiness/cleanliness that is acceptable to you, not your family, friends, neighbours or writers of magazine articles, and maintain it as best you can. No-one looks back and regrets that they didn't do enough housework!

PollyWollyDoodle

A Simple Home - I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Quite honestly, two weeks on, I think you're doing very well if you can just get dressed every day and speak coherently - don't underestimate how much a bereavement can shake your world. Everything probably seems overwhelming - baby steps are the way forward. Please let us know how you're getting on, I think you'll find that as the fog of grief begins to clear, things will seem better.

A_Simple_Home

Thanks all.taking things one day at a time.

[Deleted User]

I am sorry for your loss honey, and now its even more important to look after yourself, and to come to terms with your loss.

I was with my DDs ma-in-law yesterday, and she lost her OH our brave Frank after 62 years of marriage in January 8 months on she is obviously still grieving, and she asked me does it get better?

I lost my lovely OH and best friend 15 years ago and no it will never be 'better' it will be different, and this is what you have to get your head round .

Remember the good and happy times and they more than ourweigh the sad and unhappy times .Two weeks means you are still very raw and it may take you weeks, months or even years before you can adjust your life .

It's a bit like breaking your leg ,you recover, and although you may limp at times, you will walk again,maybe with the odd limp on bad days, and that's the nearest analogy I can think of for grief.
I even after all these years have 'limping' days when life seems so unfair and horrible ,then something nice happens, or one of my grandchildren give me an unexpected smile or text or cuddle and my 'limp' subsides a little to a rather less sore ache.

But do be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time
I wish you well, and we are all here to help when you feel like letting off steam
much love

JackieO xx

lessonlearned

Jackie. Loving the “limp” analogy for grief. It explains it very well.

Simplehome. I am sorry For you loss. It’s very early days for you. Just take your time. If gardening is your therapy then just get out there and enjoy whilst the weather holds. The housework can wait.

I also would second getting done help if your feel overwhelmed. A one off clean would help you get back on track.

I lost my husband 4 years ago, swiftly followed by both my parents. 3 deaths within 2 years 4 months. It’s only niw that I’m starting to feel that I’ve finally turned a corner and am starting to live again.

Don’t be hard on yourself, bereavement knocks the stuffing out of you. Take care.