I feel like such an idiot....

GettingThingsDone

Hi krayzechick - I've found it's a bit like a diet; if you set yourself goals that are unsustainable, at some point you will 'crack' and fall off the wagon.

I think the trick is to find a steady live-able balance and just stick to it, with the occasional course-correction.

It sounds like you're doing/have done all the right things, just maybe you're out of balance slightly. Imagine you're overworking yourself on one of the machines at the gym - you will injure yourself and/or knacker your training plan.

As you have a lot going on in your life, maybe you just need to tweak the way you organise things? Get those reclaiming letters out for example. Also, don't beat yourself up so hard when you 'fail' - just learn why whatever happened and try to avoid the situation again or react differently. Although sometimes you might not feel it, you are still young - it's something many of us go through, or have been through, but you have the benefit of having MSE to hand!

Good Luck!

gtd

immoral_angeluk

You need to stop having your parents bail you out. All that's doing is giving you free reign to go shopping again. I'm the same age as you, difference being I'm married with 2 kids. Yet we've still managed to all-but-sort our debt out through making essential sacrifices an cutting down here and there. 20k worth of debt at 22 is a lot and you really need to focus on why you're in this position. you've only been able to get credit for 4 years and yet you're 20k in the red which would've been more if your parents hadn't kept bailing you out. Imagine what that 20k could've bought you. Sizeable deposit on your own house... even this with change left over..


Please don't think I'm judgemental, I'm not. As I'm say I'm the same age as you so I know the temptation is massive just to go 'what the hell', go shopping and put it all on plastic. But you're setting yourself up for a very uncomfortable future. What happens when you want to settle down with someone and get a house and kids?

oops_a_daisy

krayzechick wrote: »

Thanks Sy

I have written to Choice a few times in the past and heard nothing back I think a phone call is required there.

I think a visit to the Citiznes Advice Bureau is needed here - get them to help write a letter to Choice and post it recorded delivery. Take copies of all correspondence to Choice, dates and times of phone calls. Can you remember which courier company collected the items ? They are chasing money now so this needs to be sorted out as it will escalate.

All the best xoopsx

krayzechick

immoral_angeluk wrote: »

You need to stop having your parents bail you out. All that's doing is giving you free reign to go shopping again. I'm the same age as you, difference being I'm married with 2 kids. Yet we've still managed to all-but-sort our debt out through making essential sacrifices an cutting down here and there. 20k worth of debt at 22 is a lot and you really need to focus on why you're in this position. you've only been able to get credit for 4 years and yet you're 20k in the red which would've been more if your parents hadn't kept bailing you out. Imagine what that 20k could've bought you. Sizeable deposit on your own house... even this with change left over..

Please don't think I'm judgemental, I'm not. As I'm say I'm the same age as you so I know the temptation is massive just to go 'what the hell', go shopping and put it all on plastic. But you're setting yourself up for a very uncomfortable future. What happens when you want to settle down with someone and get a house and kids?

My parents have only bailed me out once as they got a loan with a really low APR. The idea was to consolidate down to 6.5% instead of paying 20+% ! The theory was there... then things went wrong with my car and the only money I had 'available' was on my credit card... things spiralled from there. Same old situation, I only had enough spare cash to pay towards my card bill, so all my spending was on credit card.

Depressing thing that tears me up is that if I didnt have my debt i'd be able to afford a house myself! I pay £900 a month out at the moment on bills!

My main problem was getting a credit card at 19. Lloyds offered it to me and my parents thought it'd be a good idea to get my credit rating going. I thought so too. it was only a £500 limit. I then started a new job and a girl who became my 'friend' kept encouraging me to spend money. We'd go into town at lunch time and spend £300 easily on shoes and clothes!! ...She had everything she wanted and I wanted to be like that too. I learnt a year later that at 25 she had 30k debts!!!! By that time I was on the downward spiral, I'd had this life of spending engrained into me. I tried to break the cycle but I wasnt strong enough to do it on my own. And I had Chloe in my ear telling me to just spend and buy things!! ...I'd buy gig tickets for my friends totalling £150, when they'd give me the cash I'd treat it like extra money and go out spending it (usually when I was out clubbing as I had no other way of getting cash!)...then the bill would come in and i'd only pay off £30. I had some bad advice too (from the same person!) who encouraged me to get a loan more than I needed at a stupid APR!..

I'm not blaming everything on everyone else and taking no responsibility for my own actions. I was young and naive and had no clue on anything. No i'm paying the price!

according to my snowball, on my current wages I can be debt free in 38 months. I just need to adjust my life so as to not get into any more debt!!!!

I need a new laptop for xmas (wow that sounds so stuck up!) for my uni work as this one is dying rapidly. Without it I cannot do half the work I need to and I stuggle as it is. I'm not putting a penny towards it though. I shall sell lots of things, get money from people for xmas and do extra chores for money. But then in the back of my head I have a nagging message telling me that £600 is a lot and I could cut my debts with that money =/

Larumbelle

Hi Krazechick

Congratulations on coming back. It takes a lot of guts.

My thought is that you need to take a really good long look at why you end up in the same place time and again. You know exactly why, but you are very defensive about it, and I think you mistake harsh reality for people being harsh towards you. People here are just trying to help you. That's why they come on to this board day after day. To offer help.

Whether or not you want to take that help is up to you, but I think you need to change the way you think about yourself, and about money, or else you will carry this cycle on throughout your life, falling harder and farther every time. These things, I think, are just as important as actually paying things off. And please bear in mind that all of the people who are replying to you have made either the same mistakes or similar ones, they are not judging, they are offering their observations, which is, at the end of the day, what you asked for:

1) It doesn't matter who encourages you, who is complicit in your spending, YOU are the person who spent the money. You keep saying that you're not blaming people, but I think that you do still consider other people partially responsible. They're not. It begins and ends with you. 'Young and naive' is not an excuse. It might be a reason, but it doesn't give you a reason not to take responsibility for your own actions and behaviour.

2) Just as you make your own mind to spend, you make your own mind whether to cut back. I'm sorry to say this, but you don't 'need' a laptop. You don't 'need' a gym membership. You don't 'need' a mobile. You make the choice that you would rather have these things than pay off your debts further. It is not harsh to point this out. I do without all three, because that was what I felt I needed to do. If you choose not to, I'm not going to judge, but I'm not going to agree that you need them either.

3) Why not be a little bit proactive about finding extra income? There is a whole board devoted to the subject on this site. Have a look and see what you can find.

4) Regardless of how it is put, yes, you need to stop buying crap. You could be out of debt relatively quickly and painlessly if you accept that you need to make some sacrifices. Life won't be perfect without that 'extra' £100 but it won't be as bad as you imagine, and it'll make your life a lot happier in the long run.

5) if you choose to stick around here, people will be only too happy to help you, but only if you listen to their advice. I'm not saying that you have to follow all of it, but you have to at least consider it and stop behaving as though people are being mean if they are pointing out anything you don't like hearing.

Good luck.

krayzechick

silvercharming wrote: »

Hi Krazechick

Congratulations on coming back. It takes a lot of guts.

My thought is that you need to take a really good long look at why you end up in the same place time and again. You know exactly why, but you are very defensive about it, and I think you mistake harsh reality for people being harsh towards you. People here are just trying to help you. That's why they come on to this board day after day. To offer help.

Whether or not you want to take that help is up to you, but I think you need to change the way you think about yourself, and about money, or else you will carry this cycle on throughout your life, falling harder and farther every time. These things, I think, are just as important as actually paying things off. And please bear in mind that all of the people who are replying to you have made either the same mistakes or similar ones, they are not judging, they are offering their observations, which is, at the end of the day, what you asked for:

1) It doesn't matter who encourages you, who is complicit in your spending, YOU are the person who spent the money. You keep saying that you're not blaming people, but I think that you do still consider other people partially responsible. They're not. It begins and ends with you. 'Young and naive' is not an excuse. It might be a reason, but it doesn't give you a reason not to take responsibility for your own actions and behaviour.

2) Just as you make your own mind to spend, you make your own mind whether to cut back. I'm sorry to say this, but you don't 'need' a laptop. You don't 'need' a gym membership. You don't 'need' a mobile. You make the choice that you would rather have these things than pay off your debts further. It is not harsh to point this out. I do without all three, because that was what I felt I needed to do. If you choose not to, I'm not going to judge, but I'm not going to agree that you need them either.

3) Why not be a little bit proactive about finding extra income? There is a whole board devoted to the subject on this site. Have a look and see what you can find.

4) Regardless of how it is put, yes, you need to stop buying crap. You could be out of debt relatively quickly and painlessly if you accept that you need to make some sacrifices. Life won't be perfect without that 'extra' £100 but it won't be as bad as you imagine, and it'll make your life a lot happier in the long run.

5) if you choose to stick around here, people will be only too happy to help you, but only if you listen to their advice. I'm not saying that you have to follow all of it, but you have to at least consider it and stop behaving as though people are being mean if they are pointing out anything you don't like hearing.

Good luck.

I dont know why I spend. Nothing happened in my childhood that caused me this way... I see something I like and buy it... only when I get home and look at it still in the bag 3 days later do I think that I dont need it! I get a buzz out of spending money - some people get that buzz from sports or smoking or drinking or playing music. I get it from shopping.

I seriously dont have the time to earn extra income by means of a part time job. I work 37 hours a week, and am doing a part time uni course which needs 25 hours a week. I run a Guide unit and a Ranger unit. Plus my boyfriend of 5 years lives 200 miles away so occassionally I need to see him! I'm usually out at uni or Guiding til 10 at night so when I get home I flake out! ...I do quidco click-throughs and Pigsback online, sell things on ebay when I have clear outs. Summers I do car boots. I shall look what other things the threads suggest though

Thanks for all your help

Larumbelle

I do know about that spending buzz, I used to have it!!!

My OH used to be a drug addict, and I swear, all of the drug advice applies to spending.

I now get a far bigger buzz from knowing I haven't spent anything, I promise it's possible. And wow, your life is so full I'm surprised you have time to spend!

krayzechick

silvercharming wrote: »

I do know about that spending buzz, I used to have it!!!

My OH used to be a drug addict, and I swear, all of the drug advice applies to spending.

I now get a far bigger buzz from knowing I haven't spent anything, I promise it's possible. And wow, your life is so full I'm surprised you have time to spend!

I work in the town centre...! Lunch times are a killer!

kiwigirl

Take your books to work with you and read during your lunch break - stops you shopping and lets you get on with your course - win win situation. When you do see you OH you've not got to get back home to look over the books or think I've got to go and do this assignment or 5 hours of reading over the time you see each other.

I work about 40 hpw, and have currently got up to 2 hours travelling per day thanks to roadworks :mad: , I do voluntary work for 2 charities, on committee for both and treasurer for one of them - they're trying to persuade me to be the Chairperson for the other one :eek: so I know how much time can just disapear. I can be doing an additional 6 hours per month with one and an additional 20 hours per month with the other one - and I know others on committee who don't do anything to help - they're in every organisation, just like to put on their CV's I do x volunteering work.

Can you not ask someone else to do some of the voluntary work and say you'll do 2 nights per month whilst your studying?

krayzechick

kiwigirl wrote: »

Can you not ask someone else to do some of the voluntary work and say you'll do 2 nights per month whilst your studying?

Unfortunately I run both my units by myself as we have such a shortage of leaders in the area! My mum does the accounts for me and keeps all the records up to date. I plan my meetings in the lunch breaks sometimes. I think over the next month I shall keep a record of just how much voluntary work I do do! Its defo a killer!