My SOA

Willing2Learn

Need_Help_Now wrote: »

...I am in bits here, I really am. Unfortunately it was gambling. I am really kicking myself and can't believe I lost control like this. I have been careful for many years and never missed a payment but I have really taken my eye off the ball and paid the ultimate price it seems this time.

Have you ever considered talking therapy? I only mention it because sometimes, gambling can be a coping strategy, a method to manage one's emotions and thoughts. If you were interested in giving it a go, then you could ask your GP about IAPT therapies in your area. (IAPT - Improving Access to Psychological Therapies).

Need_Help_Now

Hello everyone,

I am so sorry for the delay in coming back to you. I am just back from an emergency appointment with my GP there. I have been given anti-depressant medication and sleeping tablets to help me sleep (one-off). My GP is also getting therapy arranged for me too. This has been building and building and finally I came apart today - I have never cried as much in my life and I still am now.

But, I am ready to own up and take action for what I did. The gambling I am totally ashamed of and needs to be addressed definitely. I think I'll find it difficult to forgive myself for what I done but I will try.

Thank you all so much for the advice. I will respond to your posts shortly. I really appreciate the help folks, thank you so much.

Need_Help_Now

worriedDan wrote: »

Rather than berating yourself, give yourself a pat on the back for gaining the courage to sign up and post of this forum.

We all kick ourselves when we realise the level of debt we are in, but you should remember that this will be the most debt that you will EVER be in - the only was now is downwards.

There is a really inspirational thread on here by a use called herowhenzero - I would recommend that you take a look at his diary.

My debts were in excess of 60K when I started. This was on top of living costs, mortgage and the costs involved with raising a kid.

Looking at your figures, a DMP could work for you. I agree with others that your SOA is too restrictive, however I do think that you could pay at least a grand a month, so you could be debt free in 4 years. Another good thing about a DMP is that it will prevent you from being able to access additional credit.

I think that you need to get some professional help for your gambling. It's nothing to be ashamed of and there are lots of others out there in the same boat. I can personally think of two people I know who have run up gambling debts. One of them managed to spend 100K inheritance, on top of the debts he racked up.

Most importantly, I want you to remember to take care of yourself. You are in a bit of a pickle at the moment, but it can be sorted out! You have taken the first steps to turn this around.

Keep posting

Thank you Dan for posting - I really appreciate you taking the time.

I am going to take a deep breath then contact StepChange this evening to set up the DMP.

Thank you for your encouraging words. I will keep posting and keep updating this page.

Thanks again Dan.

ratrace

Need_Help_Now wrote: »

Hello everyone,

I am so sorry for the delay in coming back to you. I am just back from an emergency appointment with my GP there. I have been given anti-depressant medication and sleeping tablets to help me sleep (one-off). My GP is also getting therapy arranged for me too. This has been building and building and finally I came apart today - I have never cried as much in my life and I still am now.

But, I am ready to own up and take action for what I did. The gambling I am totally ashamed of and needs to be addressed definitely. I think I'll find it difficult to forgive myself for what I done but I will try.

Thank you all so much for the advice. I will respond to your posts shortly. I really appreciate the help folks, thank you so much.

Ahh, thats great news your deferentially making positive progress and it just goes to show that things will work out for you, hopefully the medication will ease some of the stress that you are going through and you will then be able to make positive stride in getting this sorted out


as gambling goes have you stopped if not then that is the next step you need to take im not sure what's out there in terms of help maybe others can post a link to some good website for help or a helpline


keep going, stay strong


“no one said it was going to be easy but its going to be worth it”

Need_Help_Now

worriedDan wrote: »

Just a few comments below. Don't be too restrictive - your SOA needs to be realistic as you are entitled to a decent quality of life.


Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1712
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1712

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 100- Will this remain at this rate for the next 4 years? Yes, I live with my parents and they are happy for me to continue with this payment.
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 0
Electricity............................. 0
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 0
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 10 (Pay as you go)
TV Licence.............................. 0
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 40 (Currently tied in to 12 month contract with Virgin)
Groceries etc. ......................... 20 - Is this realistic? Do you ever eat out etc? you are probably right Dan. I may need to add to this.
Clothing................................ 0
Petrol/diesel........................... 60
Road tax................................ 17
Car Insurance........................... 34
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20 - I would up this to £50 so that you have a buffer Thank you Dan - I'll do that.
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 15
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 9
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 35
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 40 - Is £10 per week realistic? You need to ensure that you can still have some fun I'll bump this up too. Again, me being hard on myself.
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0 - I would put £50 away for emergencies Great stuff Dan, thank you. I wasn't sure what to put here.
Total monthly expenses.................. 400

If you do decide to go down the DMP route then I think it's important that you are able to live comfortable during the process. Being too restrictive will make your life unnecessarily harder.

Thanks Dan. I really appreciate your input on this as I am total newbie to it all.

Willing2Learn

Need_Help_Now wrote: »

I am just back from an emergency appointment with my GP there. I have been given anti-depressant medication and sleeping tablets to help me sleep (one-off). My GP is also getting therapy arranged for me too. This has been building and building and finally I came apart today - I have never cried as much in my life and I still am now.

But, I am ready to own up and take action for what I did. The gambling I am totally ashamed of and needs to be addressed definitely. I think I'll find it difficult to forgive myself for what I done but I will try.

The waiting list for therapy in most areas is quite long. If you wanted to, you could check whether your local group of MIND facilitate any talking therapies or art therapy groups . It could tide you over until you get to the top of the waiting list. They might also do other activities that get you out and about and socialising.

Need_Help_Now

Willing2Learn wrote: »

The waiting list for therapy in most areas is quite long. If you wanted to, you could check whether your local group of MIND facilitate any talking therapies or art therapy groups . It could tide you over until you get to the top of the waiting list. They might also do other activities that get you out and about and socialising.

Thank you Willing2Learn,

I appreciate all your help with this. I'll definitely check that out. My GP couldn't tell me when the therapy would commence but that it was being organised for me.

I do need to get out and about as I am very deep in depression at the moment.

I am now waiting on my application pack to begin the setup of my DMP with StepChange.

Thanks for everything Willing2Learn. I will keep you posted.

another_casualty

Howdy!
I too didn't want to read and run .)
You are actually very brave , and believe it or not , once you have the d m p up and running you will feel like a huge weight has left your shoulders . Okay , you will not be able to obtain credit for six years but that is the only thing that you have to bear in mind when doing this . The plus side , is that you will not be harrssed by the creditors that you owe money to . They will receive a monthly fee paid over x amount of years .
Step change will probably call you on an annual basis to see how it is going and whether you could pay the same amount depending on your circumstances . Payplan did that with me, so I would imagine it would be the same procedure . Try to put aside an emergency fund , and allow for a beer or two if meeting friends once every so often.

The only other thing I can echo here, is that so many have been in similar / worse situations .
Once the Dmp has gone through , stand back and stop thinking of the worst . You have stopped gambling and realise this is your last chance to put it right . You are doing everything right by addressing everything on here .
Stress is a massive killer in itself , but a lot of your stress will be gone once the wheels are in motion .
If your could get yoga or Pilates free on the Nhs then that would be the way to go imho . Or if you have the room at home , try it via you tube .

There will obviously more good folk with good advice to help you I'm sure .
Best of luck .

Need_Help_Now

another_casualty wrote: »

Howdy!
I too didn't want to read and run .)
You are actually very brave , and believe it or not , once you have the d m p up and running you will feel like a huge weight has left your shoulders . Okay , you will not be able to obtain credit for six years but that is the only thing that you have to bear in mind when doing this . The plus side , is that you will not be harrssed by the creditors that you owe money to . They will receive a monthly fee paid over x amount of years .
Step change will probably call you on an annual basis to see how it is going and whether you could pay the same amount depending on your circumstances . Payplan did that with me, so I would imagine it would be the same procedure . Try to put aside an emergency fund , and allow for a beer or two if meeting friends once every so often.

The only other thing I can echo here, is that so many have been in similar / worse situations .
Once the Dmp has gone through , stand back and stop thinking of the worst . You have stopped gambling and realise this is your last chance to put it right . You are doing everything right by addressing everything on here .
Stress is a massive killer in itself , but a lot of your stress will be gone once the wheels are in motion .
If your could get yoga or Pilates free on the Nhs then that would be the way to go imho . Or if you have the room at home , try it via you tube .

There will obviously more good folk with good advice to help you I'm sure .
Best of luck .

Thank you for your kind email,

I have put the wheels in motion for the DMP. Unfortunately I left a debt out of my list so I have to contact them tomorrow to get it amended.

I am actually delighted I won't be able to obtain credit for 6 years as I think it will keep me honest. It scares me a lot I'll admit but I guess things won't get any worse (hopefully).

I will keep all you wonderful folk informed on my progress. I really can't thank you enough.

Need_Help_Now

worriedDan

Really please that you have been to the GP. Best thing I did last year. Your health must come first at all times. Everything else is secondary.

I know it's hard but try to drop the feelings of shame. You have got nothing to feel ashamed about. You haven't broken the law or done anything wrong. We can all look back at decisions that we have made and feel regretful, but what really matters is what we do from this point on.

Do you have anyone in real life that you can confide in? Does anyone else know about your debts?