I am struggling

datlex

OP if you can get hold of "The Money Secret"- might be worth asking your local library. I found it really helpful.

-taff

What happens if you default on this holiday payment? Is it UK or Europe/elsewhere based?

Grumpelstiltskin

Getoutofdebt wrote: »

Most of the debt is my fault, OH doesn't know about it all, Hence him buying a different car

This may sound a bit harsh but...……………

You are not in a position to get out of this mess on your own.

You must tell your husband and get him onside, you know the old saying 'A problem shared is a problem halved '

If you have any joint accounts he will find out if TSHTF


Surely your mental heath will improve if you are totally honest with your husband, you are trying to live a lie at the moment.

oaktree500

Getoutofdebt wrote: »

Most of the debt is my fault, OH doesn't know about it all, Hence him buying a different car

Grumpelstiltskin wrote: »

This may sound a bit harsh but...……………
You are not in a position to get out of this mess on your own.
You must tell your husband and get him onside, you know the old saying 'A problem shared is a problem halved '
.

THIS.

For what it's worth, I am the husband of a person who had this exact same issue. I found out about her mountains of debt, of my own accord and I can tell you, that was not what I expected that day. If she had sat down and told me about it, and we could have worked together to sort it out. Luckily it was all that bad, but it's still set me personally back a few years because of mistakes made and my wife burying her head in the sand.

I think step 1 here is to speak with your partner and come clean about your situation, not just with money but how it's effecting you mentally. Due to the above and other debt issues I've struggled with because of it, I can relate, as I'm sure many others can. The first step to getting things done and recovering from this and your debt, is to be honest with yourself and others.

For example:
Do you NEED 2 cars? Like REALLY need it? If not, sell one. - sounds simple because it is. If your husband drives for work, fair enough. Do you personally NEED a car? Or can you share/can you walk/bike/whatever else? I personally share a car with my wife and we both work. I walk to work everyday, for 30-40+ minutes at a time each way, because it's 1000 times cheaper than owning a car. Plus it's better for for health wise haha.

Can you down size your weekly shop? - We switched from shopping at Tesco to Aldi, and saved BIG TIME. The difference in quality of food/products isn't all that noticeable, plus if you get just what you NEED and not what you WANT, again you'll save big.

If you're not working, look into any further benefits you can obtain. You can get some benefits even whilst working, so when you're not working, options are available.

And speak with your creditors, like really speak to them. If you're having difficulty in paying things back (debt wise) communicate this to them, and reduce your payments where possible.

Finally, just be realistic about things. I haven't been on holiday abroad in 10+ years, all because I can't afford it. It sucks, but it's the truth. I often have to give nights out/friendly gatherings a miss, again because I can't afford it. It's nothing to feel bad about, as again, its the truth and in the long run, when you're debt free, you can move on and do all these things.

I think the most important thing here is speaking to your partner and letting him know, before he finds out. And he will find out eventually, so it's best that it comes from you rather than him uncovering letters or something similar, like I did with my wife.

macman

I'm really struggling to come to terms with the idea that, with £65K of debt, you let your husband go out and buy an £18K car for cash?
I'm also unclear from your SOA as to how much of the debt is yours and how much is his, or shared?
I'd echo the above advice that you need to discuss this with him fully: until you both understand the extent of the debt, you cannot begin to solve the problem.

Gettingtherequickly

macman wrote: »

I'm really struggling to come to terms with the idea that, with £65K of debt, you let your husband go out and buy an £18K car for cash?

My instinct is that the £17k loan relates to the car.

Teamocil

Your husband is spending money completely unaware that you (plural!) are in crisis. You need to stop this NOW. If he's amenable, you could probably just move house and clear this overnight.

System

If you are unable to work, and unable to meet the demands of your creditors, you're unable to run your own car.


Also, you need to come clean to your husband...you are teetoring on the edge and one false move will force you into a pretty difficult place. He needs to know now.

MEM62

PO You finances are on the brink of imploding and you other half is running around in a car that cost a years net salary. You need to speak with him and get this under control as a couple. Of course this will be difficult for both of you and it will not be a quick process. However, the consequences of taking no action will be disastrous.

zippygeorgeandben

If and when the OP reads these responses, please remember that this is advice being given to you and not to be taken personally. I would take particular heed to the post by oaktree500 which has now got 10 'thumbs up' from other members.


The shopping one I find interesting... You both have cars, yet then have shopping delivered? and 'having' to spend £40 to qualify for delivery is just a big fat NO NO. I know how that goes... you need a few items which add up to mid £20s and say 'well I'll save on £3.99 delivery if I just put stuff in to make it £40.'

My partner and I have shopping delivered twice a month. Neither of us own a car so for bulky items (and save on transport costs) we get it delivered (living on the top floor in a block of flats).


You have to sort this out. Now.