Advice please!

gilly41

I am hoping that someone can give me some advice. This is a really long story and I dont want to post too much but would love to have some opinions.My dad, ten years ago was extremely rude to his grandaughter(my daughter).She was only 13 years old at the time and her and my son had gone to stay with my parents for the weekend. OH and I dropped them off and my DD and DS we laughing with each other and my dad thought they were laughing at him(yes i know a grown man in his 60s been concerned that kids aged 13 and 11 were laughing at him---which they werent!!!).He then turned round and told his grandaughter to **** off and called her another really horrid name which i couldnt post on here!!!Suffice to say(and to this day i still feel angry just talking about it!!!) none of us(OH and I and the kids) havent spoken to him from that day to this!!! He never apologised and he has missed out on seeing his beautiful grand kids grow up to fine adults and all that goes with it!!! My mother claimed she never heard what he said(she was standing in the same room as all of us!!!) and has totally sided with him! They have never sent the kids(they are grown up now---DD is 24 and DS is 21) any birthday pressies, Xmas pressies or even cards on their birthdays from that day to this. All i get is a card on my birthday saying please get in touch!!!!!Ummmmmmmmmm!!!!!!My parents have doted on my brother and this is where the advice comes in . He is 41 and two years younger than me. He has always done no wrong and treated my parents in what i can only describe as a very rude way. Anyhow, a relative of mine has told me that my dad has completely written me out of the will and that my bro is to get everything.OH tells me not to worry about it but it has obviously upset me as my dad was the one who was completely in the wrong and I feel i am being punished for this!!!They are very very well off and my bro would get a huge amount(about 400K!!!!!).Does anyone have any advice. Would I be able to contest this if it came to it?Thanks for any advice xx

pinkshoes

I would say forget about the money and concentrate on your own family. You wouldn't enjoy £200k if you knew it came from someone who insulted your daughter and wouldn't apologise!

It's a very petty thing for your parents to do, but if it's bothering you that much, get in touch with your mum and talk it through, and we are only talking about 1 incident 11 years ago, so maybe it's about time you all forgive and forget?!

Blood is thicker than water

Dan_Thunder

You may not want to hear this but.......

It sounds like rather than trying to explain to your father that they weren't laughing at him you've automatically severed all contact with him. Whilst it's unacceptable the way your father reacted to an innocuous comment, from his perspective he was being mocked by some kids.

Plus, you're also saying that on your birthday you're getting a card asking you to get in touch? It sounds to me like they're trying to extend an olive branch which you're choosing to ignore and you're only now concerned because they may choose to cut you out of their will?

I'm sorry, but I don't see where the issue is. To reiterate; your dad was out of order - though it was through a misunderstanding - and it's caused a rift in the family, they're trying to get back in touch and you're choosing not to let them. Maybe you're being "punished" because you keep throwing back their attempts at reconciliation?

You say they've missed out on their grandchildren growing up but have you made any attempts to talk to your parents about this? Aren't you in any way accountable for this by choosing to cut them out of your life?

Correct me if I'm wrong and I'm sorry if this seems harsh but, from what I garner from your post, you've chosen to cut them out of your life despite their attempts to get back in touch. I just don't see how you can complain when they then eventually cut you out of theirs.

As for a contesting the will, as a dependent - so to speak - I believe that you may be able to on account of the current will not providing for you. I think there's also something called the 'Inheritance Act Claims' which you may want to look into.

RadoJo

You either want a relationship with your parents or you don't. Wanting their money is not the same as being entitled to it, and frankly, if you haven't made any effort to mend fences with them, then why should they give you anything? You say your brother actis 'in a rude way' but to them, they probably think not speaking to them for 10 years is pretty rude.

What if (God forbid) one or both of them became really ill and all the money was used up on caring for them in years to come. Would you be reaching into your pocket to pay for care homes? It doesn't sound as though you intended ever to have a relationship with them again - would you reconsider that if you thought it would make the difference between whether you get an inheritance or not?

I am not debating the fact that your Dad may have acted completely unreasonably, and upset your daughter, and I personally think that you may well have done the right thing - I know I wouldn't subject my kids to any nonsense from my parents having put up with it myself. But you can't have it both ways - they are entitled to leave their money to whomever they choose, and why should they choose you?

gilly41

Thanks for the replies---I really would like to have posted more but I would probably get "thrown off" the boards! The language he used is far worse than i have posted on here. Yes, I have tried several times to talk to my mum about it and it just falls on deaf ears. As I said the story has a lot more too it than i posted but I dont think I would be able to post it on the boards!!!Sorry I maybe shouldnt have asked for advice if i cant post the full story xx

djdido2

Its bad what he said/did but surely not that bad that you do not speak to each other for 11 years. (eek!). Life is way to short to fall out over things that are said in the heat of the moment.

I would sort it out, move on and love your family. You cant tell them when they are gone.

r.mac_2

In scotland you cannot disinherit your children, they are entitled to legal rights, but you can in England. I suppose legally you could contest the will when your parents die. But this is at the discretion of a judge, and with years of no contact as much by you as by them, I think it would be unlikely they would award in your favour, and if they did, it wouldn't be as much as half.

Think about this carefully though - would the upset be worth the hurt it would cause the remainder of your family? Do you NEED the money? After years of no contact, why do you think you are entitled to the money?

sorry if its not what you want to hear - I don't mean to be blunt, and I do feel for your situation. If you are worried and want more advice, try speaking to a solicitor - many do 1/2 hour free consultation.

good luck

NAR

gilly41 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies---I really would like to have posted more but I would probably get "thrown off" the boards! The language he used is far worse than i have posted on here. Yes, I have tried several times to talk to my mum about it and it just falls on deaf ears. As I said the story has a lot more too it than i posted but I dont think I would be able to post it on the boards!!!Sorry I maybe shouldnt have asked for advice if i cant post the full story xx

It sounds to me like this "situation" has festered into a disease because it was not resolved shortly after it happened. What a pity - because everyone is a loser when family disagreements (and I wholly accept he was in the wrong) spiral into long term fallouts.
To me this sounds like it has gone past repairing; unfortunately you will just have to accept being cut out of his will.

lifeisgood

gilly41 wrote: »

OH tells me not to worry about it but it has obviously upset me as my dad was the one who was completely in the wrong and I feel i am being punished for this!!!They are very very well off and my bro would get a huge amount(about 400K!!!!!).Does anyone have any advice. Would I be able to contest this if it came to it?Thanks for any advice xx

Your OH has given you the most sensible advice.

Any inheritance doesn't exist until your parents have died. And if they live for a long time, a great deal of this capital could disappear, as after all, it is theirs to spend on themselves, or any care they may need or choose to have.

gilly41 wrote: »

Suffice to say(and to this day i still feel angry just talking about it!!!) none of us(OH and I and the kids) havent spoken to him from that day to this!!!

You could contest a will, it I wouldn't like to bet on your chances of success.


I do agree with the others though, he was totally wrong, but they can leave their money to whoever they like. Don't beat yourself up over this for the rest of your life.

miserly_mum

You chose to exclude them from you and your kids lives on principle.

Your principles disappear pretty quickly when the sniff of 200K appears.

You and your Dad ........maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree