Prenuptials and any alternatives.

Concerned75

Hi. I have just had the proceeds of my home and have moved in with my fianc! officially. Before the proceeds, I notice my fianc! was sometimes quite short and felt I was just getting in the way, although it was his suggestion we live together. Overall, it makes sense that we can continue our relationship in one property.
My fianc! only really has two main interests; money and politics. I have mentioned in the past about his slight obsession with money, or making sure he always maintains a certain amount, but he dismisses my observations.
Since the proceeds, his attitude has become more relaxed and perhaps, more like the man I met 3 yrs ago.
I have brought up marriage now and again, which he tends to sit on the wall with the conversation, but just recently, he has become more attentive and he isn't especially romantic overall.
I love him and vice versa, but we are not young kids living at home and I don't want to be in a dire financial situation, if we don't workout in the end.
I know that people shouldnt perhaps think like this, but these days are real life and sometimes you think you know someone, but find out you don't.
Im just wondering what options are out there to protect any savings, especially in this case, if we were to get married.
It may sound selfish, but I have struggled in a big chunk of my life, long before he was on the scene, so to speak and whatever savings I have are going towards my pension and health matters, as work is intermittent. He doesn't have to worry about money, as he regularly talks about inheriting what he thinks his parents will be leaving him and his brother.
I just want to be safe and sensible as no-one knows whats around the corner. I would prefer to have something in place, that doesn't involve both parties having to sign lots of paperwork, hopefully just something between my solicitor and I, if possible.
Thanks in advance.

mattpaint

Concerned75 wrote: »

Hi. I have just had the proceeds of my home and have moved in with my fianc! officially. Before the proceeds, I notice my fianc! was sometimes quite short and felt I was just getting in the way, although it was his suggestion we live together. Overall, it makes sense that we can continue our relationship in one property.
My fianc! only really has two main interests; money and politics. I have mentioned in the past about his slight obsession with money, or making sure he always maintains a certain amount, but he dismisses my observations.
Since the proceeds, his attitude has become more relaxed and perhaps, more like the man I met 3 yrs ago.
I have brought up marriage now and again, which he tends to sit on the wall with the conversation, but just recently, he has become more attentive and he isn't especially romantic overall.
I love him and vice versa, but we are not young kids living at home and I don't want to be in a dire financial situation, if we don't workout in the end.
I know that people shouldnt perhaps think like this, but these days are real life and sometimes you think you know someone, but find out you don't.
Im just wondering what options are out there to protect any savings, especially in this case, if we were to get married.
It may sound selfish, but I have struggled in a big chunk of my life, long before he was on the scene, so to speak and whatever savings I have are going towards my pension and health matters, as work is intermittent. He doesn't have to worry about money, as he regularly talks about inheriting what he thinks his parents will be leaving him and his brother.
I just want to be safe and sensible as no-one knows whats around the corner. I would prefer to have something in place, that doesn't involve both parties having to sign lots of paperwork, hopefully just something between my solicitor and I, if possible.
Thanks in advance.

Why did you move in with him if you want to do a secret deal with your solicitor to ensure you get to keep all of your cash?

FBaby

You need to re-read what you've written carefully and imagine that it is a stranger posting it not you. Would you wonder why oh why you would consider marrying this person?

Leaving with them because they bring some positivism in your life is fine, you might be happy to settle for a number of compromises, but why marriage? Marriages are hard enough to maintain, let alone when you go in it already seeing all your partner's faults that you suspect might cause the relationship not to last.

Stay as you are, no joint account. It's bad enough from what you are saying that you've bought a house together, don't make it worse unless you get to that point when you have no reasons to think that you might not end up together in your old age.

Concerned75

We haven't bought a house together. Im living in his flat, which he pays for bar the food and there is no joint account. Ive only recently moved in, so I wouldn't be foolish enough to venture into marriage until I see how we get on, living in a small space day to day. He has been married before for 10 yrs, so he's no stranger to living with someone.
A 'secret deal' I find very offensive as my money isn't a secret from him. I just wanted some constructive advice, so that I don't end up with nothing, as many people in relationships seem to do these days.

Concerned75

All I have said about him is just speculative. I have no proof or previous information on his past or his money.

macman

What is it exactly that you are trying to protect? He won't have access to your savings unless they are in a joint account, married or not. If he is paying all the bills, except food, then you are living rent, bill and mortgage-free. It seems to me like he is the one who is bringing everything to the table?
As a common-law partner, your rights are minimal anyway. But he would have no claim on your pension or savings unless you marry. The greatest risk you take is that he can ask you to leave, and you will be homeless, since your status is that of a lodger.
Prenups are not recognised by UK courts, although they may take wishes expressed into account. And, should you go down that road, it's a prenuptial agreement-both parties agree it. Not just you and your solicitor.

mattpaint

Concerned75 wrote: »

We haven't bought a house together. Im living in his flat, which he pays for bar the food and there is no joint account. Ive only recently moved in, so I wouldn't be foolish enough to venture into marriage until I see how we get on, living in a small space day to day. He has been married before for 10 yrs, so he's no stranger to living with someone.
A 'secret deal' I find very offensive as my money isn't a secret from him. I just wanted some constructive advice, so that I don't end up with nothing, as many people in relationships seem to do these days.

What is this if not a secret deal?

I would prefer to have something in place, that doesn't involve both parties having to sign lots of paperwork, hopefully just something between my solicitor and I, if possible.

PasturesNew

So he's 2nd hand, won't marry you, was moody until the cash came through ..... pfft, s0d that.

You two are a disaster looking for somewhere to happen. Get off the ship now.

hollydays

What do you love about him?
Concerns me when people talk about how they'll be ok when their parents die.
It's never occured to me.
Why wouldn't you be better living alone?

I recently was really shocked when a 'friend 'told me he wanted to get engaged to his girlfriend, but told her he didn't want to marry her?! !!!!!!

trailingspouse

I think the OP is quite right to think seriously about what is, after all, her money. She's in a relationship, but she's old enough and wise enough to not see him through rose-coloured glasses. We all have faults, and she knows what his are. And we know that not all relationships last - happily ever after is OK in a Disney film, but not in the real world.



I firmly believe that everyone should be able to stand on their own two feet if they find themselves on their own - well done Concerned.