Pension upon divorce.

elsien

Relative was divorced for unreasonable behaviour. It stings, but it's a technicality. The shouting and hitting came from her side but he decided to go with it just to get shot and move on.

bouicca21

And another one for avoiding intransigence. It can be amazingly expensive. I know of one couple fighting over no more than an ordinary suburban house who ended up paying legal costs of just over £20k each. By being reasonable and working hard at putting emotions to one side, mine came in at less that £1000 between us.

One of the things you learn on this awful journey of divorce is that the adulterous partner is often depressed or in some kind of life crisis. And instead of looking for answers within themselves, they blame their spouse for making them depressed. They seriously think the grass is greener elsewhere and it takes a couple of years before they discover that the new relationship wasn't the answer.

So I'd strongly suspect that the reason the wife is being so vile is that in her head she has managed to shift all the blame onto him.

seven-day-weekend

She is now insisting that he allows HER to divorce HIM for adultery (he has had a 'friend with benefits' who he met after the split), otherwise she will make untrue accusations about his conduct towards her.

The problem is, as I see it, is that he could go along with her request and she could STILL make those accusations. There is not a lot to be done about that, is there? She can say that at any point for the rest of his life.

I think he should just do what she says and be rid. Even though it goes against the grain that she comes out of it smelling of roses when she has behaved so abominably to him.

I will advise him to see a divorce lawyer asap (he says he has already seen one about the threats). He needs to put things in motion.

What a mess

seven-day-weekend

bouicca21 wrote: »

And another one for avoiding intransigence. It can be amazingly expensive. I know of one couple fighting over no more than an ordinary suburban house who ended up paying legal costs of just over £20k each. By being reasonable and working hard at putting emotions to one side, mine came in at less that £1000 between us.

One of the things you learn on this awful journey of divorce is that the adulterous partner is often depressed or in some kind of life crisis. And instead of looking for answers within themselves, they blame their spouse for making them depressed. They seriously think the grass is greener elsewhere and it takes a couple of years before they discover that the new relationship wasn't the answer.

So I'd strongly suspect that the reason the wife is being so vile is that in her head she has managed to shift all the blame onto him.

Oh yes, she has, aided by her boyfriend, who is a nasty manipulative piece of work.

I don't usually wish ill on people, but I hope they hurt each other as much as they have hurt their respective spouses, with their lies and threats.

DairyQueen

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I think he should just do what she says and be rid. Even though it goes against the grain that she comes out of it smelling of roses when she has behaved so abominably to him.

She won't. Divorce proceedings are not in the public domain and anyone close to the couple will know the truth. As has been mentioned, the details are purely technical. It matters not a jot what is claimed/admitted in the petition. It's a means to an end. If he wants to be rid fast then let her allege adultery with person unknown. If he admits it then job done. It won't make any difference to the financial settlement.

Many people have the two things confused. The financial settlement is a separate court proceeding and no reference is made to the reasons for divorce unless (for example) something extreme and, therefore, material applies (e.g. attempted murder or permanent disablement caused by the spouse). The judge isn't interested in the reasons for the divorce. I doubt s/he even reads the petition. S/he is only interested in the couple's financial circumstances.

Divorce is 'a game' in the UK. The 'winner' (and there are no emotional winners) is the party that can disengage, stay calm, doesn't react to provocation and threats. That's a big ask but in a short time all the heat disappears from the situation, people move on, and the most important thing is the future. Spending thousands on acrimonious proceedings rarely improves the outcome. It usually just detriments the futures of both parties. The smart one understands the likely outcome and bites the bullet early-on if that's what it takes to exit with finances and dignity as intact as possible.

If your friend can possibly do so then the best weapon is to dis-arm the spouse. Admit adultery (means to an end), propose a settlement (if solicitor suggests that as a likely outcome) and stick with it. Any response to such a reasonable attitude will simply detriment her. Let her spend her money on legal fees suggesting unreasonable settlements if she chooses. Don't respond. Make that offer (if an offer is advised) and then just sit it it out until FDR.

Courts hate wasting their time on trivialities and refusing a reasonable offer will not sit well with a presiding judge.