Can't Stop Spending

FingersofFish_2

Hi,

Looking for advice as me and my wife can't stop overspending.

We have always had budgets, and i'm clued up on doing them. I use the piggybank technique and have standing orders which deposit my money into separate accounts to cover different bills etc, and then attempt to live on whats left - but it doesn't work!

We are £3400 in debt currently and my fear is that will just grow, and grow and grow forever.

I know this may sound silly, but I honestly don't know how we can stop spending. Even if we have £0 in the bank, we would just stick it on a credit card, or an overdraft and the next day moan and groan about the consequences... and then do it all again the next day?

We waste/spend money in the following ways after our budget:

Kids clothes - This is not me but rather my Wife - she has an obsession with buying new clothes for our daughter (even though i don't think she needs them).

Kids activities/rewards - We try and reward the children for good behaviour through a star chart, which works well - the issue is this means we have to pay for rewards (a small toy <£5, a big toy <£10 or a trip to the play centre .. around £10.

Drinks - Cans of coke, cans of energy drink etc. whilst out and about --- I've had a 1-2 a day energy drink habit for as long as I can remember and I honestly think (no matter what the research says) that it must have some form of addictive properties - because I feel ill without it. Since meeting me my Wife has also developed similar habits.

Takeaways and Convenience food -
Our work and family life means that we often find ourselves rushing around -- Or we don't go shopping so there is nothing in the cupboards to make a home-made meal --- so what do we do -> call up the local takeaway, or nip to McDonalds.
When i am at work I try to take a packed lunch - but on days I forget (usually due to running out of ingredients in the cupboards/fridge) i end up at the sandwich shop.

Irresponsible spending -
We don't get a babysitter often, so on the odd occasion <5 times in a whole year, we like to go out as a couple .... this will usually end up as an expensive meal for two, cinema, or drinks in town that could easily be £50-£100.

My question is, when you have a serious spending habit problem - how do you force yourself to break the cycle?

What I want is someone to physically come and take all my money away and manage my finances for me - But that's not life!!!!!

Carrot007

FingersofFish wrote: »

I've had a 1-2 a day energy drink habit for as long as I can remember and I honestly think (no matter what the research says) that it must have some form of addictive properties - because I feel ill without it

The research says and has said for a long time that sugar is addictive.


Wean yourself of it! That is all things with excessive ammounts of it.


Try the non sugar varieties if you like but caffiene is not great for you either.

Carrot007

As for excessive spending.


1. Do not take cards out with you. Put them in your safe (or whatever).


2. If you must take one card out with you wrap it in a number of post it notes with a reminder you don't want to spend on it. Unwrapping it will make you think twice (works for me).

Carrot007

FingersofFish wrote: »

What I want is someone to physically come and take all my money away and manage my finances for me - But that's not life!!!!!

Or solving the situation. The sooner you don't want this and want the ability to deal with it yourselves the better.

scaredofdebt

Every time you spend ANYTHING, write it down, or use an app.

You will start to scare yourself with how much these little things add up to, ie 2 energy drinks a day could easily be around £50 a month.

Try the flavoured water instead, it's not perfect as it has sweeteners in it but no sugar and not fizzy so it is an improvement. And it's cheaper!

Get your wife to visit charity shops for the kids clothes, she will be amazed how good the quality is, often brand new and the prices are around 10-20% of the price from a high street shop.

Take the kids to the park if the weather allows, it's free!

18cc

don't worry you will be able to stop spending - sooner or later it will be forced upon you, believe me

Murmansk

Go to your local Citizens Advice

ValiantSon

Will power.

Sorry to be blunt, but you clearly know what the problem is, so it just comes down to you both exercising some self control. There is no great secret.

skinnyrascal

Try to tackle one thing at a time, it is far more achievable and once you achieve one it will help you keep momentum going for the rest. And speaking of time, have a look at how you spend your time as that appears to be a huge barrier to changing your ways so perhaps changing how you manage your time would assist you in changing your money habits.


I agree that every time you spend money, document it. One of the problems with online and card spending is there is no physical check where you watch money being given away, it is too easy so document it all.


perhaps your wife could go through all the clothes your daughter has and sort them into keep, charity/hand-me-downs and bin (if really beyond being worn). Just physically sorting them may help her see that many clothes are grown out of before they are even worn and what a waste it is.




As far as treats for the children, try treating them to your time. So perhaps they could be rewarded with time at the playpark with you both, a book being read to them by you, watching something together, making crafts together, find local free events that are on as "bigger" treats but really children crave your time the most so it doesn't need to cost. And have a think about whether the children sometimes still get what is promised even if they haven't managed to fill their star chart or if one has done well and the other not. If this is the case, then it's not working as well as costing you money. Bear in mind that if they come to expect treats to be bigger things, they are in danger of picking up your spending habits. Help them learn the value of money


Try online shopping. First set out what to make for the whole week. Try looking up meals online that only use minimal ingredients (BBC Good food is great fun, get the kids involved choosing). Then do some online shopping for the food. Planning is absolutely key.


Can you consolidate all your cards onto one and cut up the rest? Only one card may limit your temptation to use them.


But the main thing, is start somewhere, anywhere. Both choose something you will each tackle, support each other. Provide help when the other is struggling without being critical. Take it from there.

madvicker

If you know you're not going to spend the time cooking something, then buy a load of frozen meals next time you go to the shop. It will be super easy to prepare but cost you about £2 per person rather than £5-£10 per person per meal.

CityOwl

FingersofFish wrote: »

Hi,

Looking for advice as me and my wife can't stop overspending.

We have always had budgets, and i'm clued up on doing them. I use the piggybank technique and have standing orders which deposit my money into separate accounts to cover different bills etc, and then attempt to live on whats left - but it doesn't work!

We are £3400 in debt currently and my fear is that will just grow, and grow and grow forever.

I know this may sound silly, but I honestly don't know how we can stop spending. Even if we have £0 in the bank, we would just stick it on a credit card, or an overdraft and the next day moan and groan about the consequences... and then do it all again the next day?

Unless I have misunderstood, you appear to earn enough money to maintain your household and are not struggling to pay your mortgage and bills. You obviously know how to budget but are falling at the last hurdle, which is not spending money that you do not have on things that you do not need. You both need to reflect on why you do this, especially as all this spending does not appear to be making you happier and is just leading to more worry.

What are your attitudes to money? Is it easy come, easy go? Do you prefer having things to having money in the bank? Unless you understand why you do what you do, you will both continue as you are. Does your wife feel that same way as you about tackling your finances? So far you both appear to be on the same (wrong) page.

I hate paying interest on anything (even the mortgage used to annoy me), so unless the debt is at 0% your family are paying more for items than just the purchase price. Is all the stuff really worth it? I would rather have peace of mind and, as time goes on, I find that I want less and less.

Are you trying to keep up with the Jones’? There will always be someone richer, smarter, better looking, thinner, etc, than you are. Be thankful for the things you do have, the grass is hardly ever greener on the other side and is probably on HP too. Very few people lead perfect lives, but many more ruin their lives by chasing after the unobtainable.

What are your goals with regards to your financial future? Do you want early retirement, financial security or a lump sum for your child to help her in the future. Having a purpose helps, set yourself some long term and short term goals. Start considering saving as part of your household expenses and put aside a small sum every month, it can soon build up and be quite addictive

Sorry for babbling on, in short, the answer lies with you.