Lost the will to sieve : (

hex2

Sympathy here too. Mine are 4 and 3, tons easier now the big one has started school but it used to be awful with tedious regularity. DS1 was the first baby I held, and to be honest it took me a long time to like him. He got significantly more challenging when ds2 came along.

I am typing this as they are rolling round the floor fighting. Sometimes when they are both crying I just want to join in. I would like to go through one day without once having to say stop it. The humerous value of shouting 'stop shouting' is not lost on me! DS1 has just gone away to write a 'naughty mummy' letter to give to daddy when he gets home because I told him off for strangling his little brother. Laugh or cry?

Remember any one who thinks you are doing a bad job probably hasn't got children themselves. Any one who has or has had littles will understand even if they don't always show it.

You are not alone. I got more support from here than I did from Mums and tods, and most benefit of all from going back to work two days a week. At least there no one whinges at me and I think I am tons better with the boys for having a break from their constant bickering. DS1 still struggles to settle with other people but I refuse to let him dictate any more.

Just a thought but do you have them in some sort of a routine yet? Mine go to bed at 7pm, means they got up at 6am but I at least get some time with OH on my own or just to myself.

Be realistic about what you can expect to achieve in a day. Don't beat yourself up about what you haven't done.

Don't ever let OH refer to you as Mummy once the children have gone to bed! Sometimes you need to forget.

It does get better. Sometimes you just have to console yourself with that.

HTH.

Lizbetty

hex2 wrote: »

Sympathy here too. Mine are 4 and 3, tons easier now the big one has started school but it used to be awful with tedious regularity. DS1 was the first baby I held, and to be honest it took me a long time to like him. He got significantly more challenging when ds2 came along.

I am typing this as they are rolling round the floor fighting. Sometimes when they are both crying I just want to join in. I would like to go through one day without once having to say stop it. The humerous value of shouting 'stop shouting' is not lost on me! DS1 has just gone away to write a 'naughty mummy' letter to give to daddy when he gets home because I told him off for strangling his little brother. Laugh or cry?

Remember any one who thinks you are doing a bad job probably hasn't got children themselves. Any one who has or has had littles will understand even if they don't always show it.

You are not alone. I got more support from here than I did from Mums and tods, and most benefit of all from going back to work two days a week. At least there no one whinges at me and I think I am tons better with the boys for having a break from their constant bickering. DS1 still struggles to settle with other people but I refuse to let him dictate any more.

Just a thought but do you have them in some sort of a routine yet? Mine go to bed at 7pm, means they got up at 6am but I at least get some time with OH on my own or just to myself.

Be realistic about what you can expect to achieve in a day. Don't beat yourself up about what you haven't done.

Don't ever let OH refer to you as Mummy once the children have gone to bed! Sometimes you need to forget.

It does get better. Sometimes you just have to console yourself with that.

HTH.

That all sounds so familiar, I could have written that meself! (((hugs)))

We do have a routine, Daisy's in bed for 7.30pm after a bath, Lilian is usually the one who falls asleep on OH while she's waiting for me to feed her to get her in bed, and she's usually in bed by 9pm after I've had a bath and washed up etc. I've been falling asleep with her tbh. We need to get a bit stricter though with Lilian, I know

Noone can ever tell you how difficult having kids is, can they?! Just as well, we'd be a dying breed if that were the case, I'm sure! I think maybe if I thought less about it and chilled out somehow it might be easier. Had wondered about buddhism, but I thought I'd be wound too tightly to get it!

Quackers

Lucyeff wrote: »

I wonder if anyone else has taken/is taking antidepressants? I find that I go from having (rare) full days of astonishing capability and enthusiasm, to days of hopelessness. I'm on 50mg of nortriptyline a day (supposed to be ok to take when bf), if I take them late I go a bit wobbly and end up feeling exhausted in a really strange (early pregnancy type tired) way. I have been on pills in the past (the -ertralines and one called Lustral made by Pfizer which was a real happy pill!) but I don't want to take them too long and get reliant on them.
...

Hi Lucy,

I just wanted to stay please dont get hung up on being on anti-depressants.

Its such a shame that there is such a stigma attatched to them. If they do the job they are there to do then that really is all that matters. It doesn't matter how long you are on them if they work for you and help you through a bad patch.

You sound like you are doing a great job & should be proud.

I have days like you described. Sometimes I do so much that I look around with a big fat on my face. Other days I sit and do nothing. Really do nothing. My girls are both at school and sometimes I wonder where the day has gone as I literally do sit and do absolutely nothing at all But at the end of the day - it doesn't matter. You have to do what works for you

Take care

thriftmonster

I was going to do this great post but then Quackers put it so well. My kids are 11 and 8 and I'm at home and I still have days where it's all too much as well. Babysteps are the way to go - and I swear by lists. I generally make them half way through the morning so I can put on the things I've done already (it makes me feel better). I hate making phone calls so I list those and schedule a time to do them eg 11am and promise myself 15 mins on MSE if I do them.

Getting out of the house is also key even if it's only once round the block or to the local shops. If you find toddler groups hard, does your local library do a story/ rhyme session for little ones? - less sitting around with coffee etc

PS My mum and my Great aunt are called Olga - and my mother banned me from calling any of our kids that - luckily I has 2 boys!!

Quackers

thriftmonster wrote: »

I was going to do this great post but then Quackers put it so well. My kids are 11 and 8 and I'm at home and I still have days where it's all too much as well. Babysteps are the way to go - and I swear by lists. I generally make them half way through the morning so I can put on the things I've done already (it makes me feel better).

OMG - I do that too.

I write a list once I've done about 4 things just so I can cross them off :rotfl:

I do this all the time at work too and they all look at me like I am crazy.

They do have a point though

My girls are 15 & 13. I dont know who I am going to blame for the mess in a few years time when they leave home

Lizbetty

That's a great idea about writing lists and crossing off things you've already done :rotfl: It's all positive thinking though innit Seriously though, I used to write a lot of lists and I haven't been cos i was writing huge lists of things to do which would've taken me to 2012 to get done, and so I stopped. So writing smaller ones and including stuff I've already done is a fab idea. The thing is, on a good day I feel like I can tackle anything, so I plan to do loads and then when it gets to the end of the day, if I haven't managed them, I just feel a bit useless.

It's maybe a little odd, but with you mentioning you hate making phone calls thriftmonster...I've had a weird aversion to the telephone and petrol stations since I had my first bout of depression in 2000. I never answer it at home unless I know it'll be OH or my mum, or if I'm having a brilliant day I think oh what the hell. I have no idea what lead to it! I've always worked in an environment where I've been on the phone a lot speaking to all ranks, but at home I just freeze. My dd1 wil be shouting 'PHHHHOOOONNNNE MUMMEEEEEE' and I'm like, yeah, I'll get it in a minute...whoooops, it's gone into ansaphone. Never mind...

I want to try and be as normal as possible round the kids but I do have some ways which may seem odd. I still get nervous about going out (and sometimes get a weird tunnel vision thing in shops, etc) and I constantly have this conversation with myself - am I staying in cos I HAVE to or cos I don't want to go out? (Like we're potty training dd1 this week, so that's why we're in)

I'm neurotic with dd1 (2 1/2) when we're out, if we're in a car park and I'm getting the baby out of the car, etc, I just have a morbid fear of her running out and getting squashed and suchlike, and I also ALWAYS have to have her within grab range when we're out - if she's not holding my hand I panic a bit cos I think if she's not holding my hand, it's cos she's going to run off randomly. Irrational fears I think they call them..I know it's a terrible way to be, I'm constantly nagging her, at least OH lets her walk on walls and next to the fishing lake and doesn't sweat, so hopefully she'll grow up some shade of normal.. She is really sensitive as well, so if I'm having a bad day, she's chats to herself and says things like, 'I know, get a book with poems in to make mummy happy again'. How bad is THAT?!!! Poor little bugg£r.

I think I may have said a bit much, I don't like admitting that going out makes me nervous cos the HV usually slates me for it, and I always said I'd never let it keep me in when I had kids cos it's not fair, etc. I do feel ashamed and a rubbish mother. I put on about 3 stone since dd2 in January too, which would be more acceptable if I had more clothes, but we're skint so I have about 2 things I wear constantly, so I always feel such a mess. I always said too that I'd never be one of these mums that buys the kids new clothes and never buys myself any. Ho hum..

On a lighter note...I'm going to try a new bm recipe today - made pizzas yesterday. We're having the bathroom tiled (courtesy of OH's mum) and I offered him one - but I think he'd heard the potty training mid flow so to speak - the 'oh no! If you need a poo go on the potty, DON'T TOUCH IT! WHERE'S THE TOILET PAPER?' and the 'have you been touching that chicken poo?', etc so he declined. Incidentally, JUST BEFORE dd's bath time a huge tile fell off the upside of the window frame bit in the bathroom and smashed in the bath. it's chipped loads off enamel off cos it bounced (they're the huge tiles we're having up, like floor tiles and really thick) but more worrying is the fact that we were late getting the kids in the bath last night and we were rushing. It doesn't bear thinking about but it fell where our 9 month old would have been sat in the bath :mad: I think the tiler will be upset too though when OH speaks to him. But not a good thing to happen to someone who is already a bit nervous at the best of times!

Sorry for the waffle..

thriftmonster

Dh always laughs at me because I can spend an hour on the phone to my sister or Mum but hate phoning anyone I don't know.

I wouldn't worry about being paranoid about the kids getting into danger - it'a mummy thing. I was having a conversation with friends recently and our kids vary from 20 down to 3 months and we all said that you constantly think 3 steps ahead - if they do that, that might happen and then that might happen and then they might get hurt. Men just don't seem to think that way - well the ones I know don't - which is why they can let the kids do the other stuff they need to do. I think the kids need both viewpoints.

PS ignore your health visitor if she slates you - that isn't her job to put you down - and it's up to you how much you go out - I love days where I can stay in. You are doing a great job bringing up a lovely, sensitive daughter and baby - just keep telling yourself that.