Could he abuse a power of attorney?

Primrose

Incidentally I would put a temporary block on your bil,s phone number so he can,t keep ringing up your m-I-l and distressing her, and tell brother in law the phone block won,t come off until he has sought medical help for his depression and suicidal threats and stops bullying his mother IN YOUR HOME.

Take back control of your own household. This elderly lady needs to live in a calmer state and your husband, as one of her attorneys, needs to be acting in her interests by creating a calmer existence for her without this emotional pressure.

Incidentally I would ignore the suicide threats. We,ve been there with a relative of our own and its a common emotional blackmailing technique used by people for getting their own way when all else has failed..

Cottage_Economy

Ok, quick update.

We spoke to him and told him no to all money but MIL offered to help with some monthly housing costs for a short period of time if needed until he can get his health back on track and money coming in.

He has calmed down a lot now and the need for money may now not be there anymore. He has been sternly spoken to by a solicitor, his gp and a friend, who spent hours with him on the phone. He is in a much better frame of mind. The solicitor has given him much hope for the future and made him realise the future is not financially bleak, quite the opposite. I think BIL's plans were borne of desperation at the thought of being left with nothing while incapacitated.

He is still refusing medication for depression, but appears to be making much more positive plans for the future, which is a welcome sign and I hope the first step to emotionally detaching from his home situation and getting some perspective back.

Primrose

First off, yes, he is unsuitable at the moment but trying to remove him will fan the flames and deepen his depression and poor behaviour. MIL will never remove him voluntarily (he is her (man) baby), and we can't pressure/bully her into doing it.

Given the update above, I am cautiously optimistic that the immediate danger has passed. He seems to be listening to people now.

Second, we can't prevent the two of them from speaking as she phones him approx half the time they speak. We can't remove her phone or forbid her from doing it. I can sometimes intercept but her ears on on stalks for the phone. She will often sit indoors all day waiting for it to ring. She is driven by her anxiety to check in with him several times a day. I think they have an unhealthy codependent relationship to be honest. He is very much like his late father in temperament and she's drawn to that.


Bad memory

The paperwork is being held by MIL and he lives a long way away from us with no real way of getting here so hopefully that may stop him.

Primrose

Thanks for the update. Let's hope your natural anxieties are calmed by current events. A tactful word to m-I-l about your concern that she could unwittingly become influenced, to her disadvantages by her son's undue pressure whilst living in your home might not come amiss at an appropriate moment.

Cottage_Economy

Agreed Primrose, I'll be doing that over the next few days.

Thanks everyone for the help and advice.

Primrose

Does your m-I-l have a separate phone of her own? Is there any way you could sneakily turn off the ringing facility for a while to try and discourage her from sitting by it all day waiting for it to ring?


It does sound as if she and son have an unhealthy dependence on each other. Any chance of getting her out and about a little more as a distraction. I realise her age and this heat makes it a little difficult but perhaps there are local places where a short outing might distract her mind to other things?