Why am I experiencing parent guilt?

pmartin86

gwynfil wrote: »

One thing getting older has taught me, is that you can be just as happy with egg and chips then a fancy meal

Why would you NOT be happy with egg an chips? It's the greatest meal ever!


As for OP, stop being so hard on yourself, I've had occasion where I look at my peers with "more" than me and get jelous, then I talk to them or realise that their either splashing it onto plastic or sacrificing things I would never dream of, like future planning and pension funds.


Pay your debt, plan for the future, let your son know how to do it, its the best gift you can ever give him.

Gemsy81

Please please please, don't think your children are missing out! Children don't want money, they want to run with their friends and enjoy happiness with a family they love. I guarantee if you ask any adult what their happiest childhood memory is, it will have absolutely nothing to do with money.

In fact, I think it is far better for children to grow up with less material belongings and a true sense of the value of things.

Bellisima

I grew up in a pretty poor household, but apart from not having a Tiny Tears Doll (all the rage in the 60s and 70s!) as some of my friends did, I never felt poor. We lived in a 3 bed semi without central heating, and, yes ice on the inside of the windows. I shared the biggest room with my two sisters, but I loved it as we got on so well. My parents were Italian and mum was an amazing cook. She could turn a few vegetables into a wonderful meal. We played out (anywhere in our town) until it was time for dinner. We did not have all the latest gadgets (not many in the 60s) and only had a telephone installed in 1975 and me and my brother paid for it as dad would not!

I think your thriftiness is a good thing that will be instilled in your child. I really feel people who do not have everything on a plate appreciate things more. I would not be ashamed of your council house, they are usually very well built and sturdy, and they often have spacious gardens. Sounds like you are a good parent who is teaching your child the money saving ways!

Never be ashamed and I bet those people in their big, flimsy new builds are no happier than you are.

gloriouslyhappy

So many of my friends' grandchildren have rooms full of toys that resemble toy shop warehouses yet are miserable and whinging. On the other hand, two of my friends, MSE regulars like me, have brought their children up to be thrifty so now those children are grown up, their own children have a few toys and plenty of interesting activities and are much happier than quite a few of their peers. Maybe it will change when the grandchildren become teenagers, but I doubt it as they know the value of thrift and saving up for something.

Keep going with the debt-free plan, and your children as well as you will benefit from the lower stress levels. Really, it's about what you do with your time and money, not how much you spend. We took a couple of empty tin cans and some string and made 'stilts' last time the grandchildren visited, and they spent the entire weekend clomping around laughing. Cost? next to nothing. Value? priceless!

fudgecat

Been there! When we were losing everything, back in the 90s (house, car, pensions) we moved to a modest 3 bed semi at the highest rent we could afford for a reasonable area.Cheap food, second hand everything, but the kids went to a decent school, had friends to play, did Brownies, Guides, church Easter club, trips to park with picnic, etc

We coped by turning the idea of doing without on its head - and we have continued to live this way even though the financial situation got much better. We were not buying secondhand - we were reusing and recycling. Cheap food was meat free alternatives and greener. We were not 1 degree colder - we were wasting less fuel and saving the planet.

It worked, and has influenced all our lives for the better. Sounds like you are doing a great job and will raise a healthy, well adjusted, non materialistic kid.

A freind told me I had discovered neuro-linguistic proframming for myself. Not sure about that...

Penguin8410

i completly get it.


we live in a flat which we are lucky enough to own but have been here 10 years now. all my girls, age 3 and 5, want is a garden and i feel such mum guilt for not being able to provide that for them. However it does mean that we are out a lot in the park etc and get to spend lots of time together so in that respect they are far luckier than some.


try not to be so hard on yourself. we're all trying out best and the way we get into these problems a lot of the time is by trying to keep up with the jones's. all our kids want is our time and the best thing about that is that its free!

Honeybug

Some of the best and most memorable times i have had with mine have been when we have had no money and we have 'made do'. It brings out creativity and spontaniety. I wonder what your best memories are of spending time with your ds? As i suspect he probably remembers the same

Indout96

Watch "Rich house - Poor house" on TV
The "Rich" kids by the end are normally realising what they miss out on by never seeing Mum & Dad as they are always working.
Most of the "Poor" kids are first off exited by all the money & stuff but are normally happy to get home to friends.


Always remember that unless you send them to private school then your childrens friends are from the same local area as you and therefore normally in the same position.