Fell off the wagon, help please UPDATED

biglad

Not sure this is the right place to post but had lots of help from here in the past. long winded a little but please help

i used to bet a lot and this was the thing that partly got me into debt, however stopped and did get it under control. My main problem is i would win decent money on tennis betting and poker, but then get bored and lose it on ice hockey or summin stupid cos there was nout else to bet on.

however i started taking money i never had (long story but wasnt on cards) and my girlfriend found out. she wasnt happy to say the least which is understandable and then i lied to her where i got the money from. it was at this time i needed to admit i have an addiction, which was very hard. i told her and she has agreed to help me.

i feel real stupid as i done so well paying off my debts through DMP with payplan but things just got to me and i started betting money i never had. I think betting is a worse addiction than drinking as it is a lot more easy to hide.

Now for the main quesition i wanted to ask. do you think its possible to still play poker. Online free tournaments and games around friends house as this is an enjoyment for me. I will only be allowed to take a little money. I have realised if i bet on sport or anything again it will be the end of my relationship and that is what i have told my girlfriend. when something hits me like that i will do it, i havent drunk for over 6 years cos was drinking far too much then saw my best friend die. I very nearly lost my lovely girlfriend the other day and that would kill me, its put things in perspective that some things are more important in life.

My girlfriend is being a great help. she is taking all my cards and giving me £10 a week spending money and going to change my paypal password so i can still buy off ebay but only she knows the password as that is how i was funding my betting.

I know its easy to say install gamcare which blocks all betting sites, but i enjoying readying the forums and also watch poker tournaments online which it would then stop these. The reason i havent drunk for over 6 years is cos i know i will not be able to stop and i nearly died, and that is why i know i will not bet again.

thanks for reading if your still here by now, sounds all a bit over the top for a 24 year old lol

thanks again

KittyKate

No, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be playing poker. How long would it be before you make a friendly bet of £1 or a favour/pint, then it gives you a gradual path back to the big betting.

You need to go cold turkey. You need to stay away from 'trigger material'. A common trait of an addict is to fool themselves into self control - yes, you were an alcoholic - if you knew addictive behaviour, WHY did you become a gambling addict? It's not as simple as that. I'm sure you are a very strong person but why make it harder for yourself. How would your gf feel, helping you sort out your life, yet you still won't fully let go.

I might sound like I am being harsh but I think you need to invest your time in more worthwhile pursuits - this forum for example is brilliant - why not see how much money you can make, and treat your gf, or take a holiday?
Wishing you the best of luck & well done for 'coming out the other side'.

biglad

thanks a lot for your reply. it is quite hard for me. i think i am going to get back into playing my wii. I have known i have had a problem for a long time, but not had the inclination to stop.

due to being on a dmp i have no access to funds i dont have, and my girlfriend is going to control my money from now on. i stopped the drinking and think i can stop this. I might have to try and just go cold turkey for a few months at least, then maybe i can just play poker for leisure. it is mad, whenever i went the casino i took £20 and no cards, never got tempted with blackjack, roulette etc, just play poker tournies.

im undecided, i know i do poker for pleasure, and i never hide the fact i play. my problem is when i start hiding the fact, like i would bet when she left the room quickly, and it effected my mood.

ahhh i dont know what to do as i really enjoy poker and know (well hopefully i do) that i will never bet again.

the reason i got into gambling was an old friend and yes i have an addictive personalitly.

ive had a lot of bad times and childhood during my life, and my gf is the one thing that i never thought i would have and be so happy, so this to me is enough to stop me gambling

i think ive contradicted myself bout 4 times in this post lol, ah well

thanks for reading

carrliadiere

With poker, I would advise going for knockout tournaments rather than cash tables. No rebuys and no add-ons, and you can find them online for as little as $1. If you can limit yourself to that (and put up with playing with people who know little or nothing about poker), then you can still play for recreation and no risk your cash or becoming addicted.

That said, I have not had an addiction before, so I can't really comment. I would also advise phoning a gambling help line for more professional advice.

As long as you set yourself a limit and do not exceed it, I cannot see how that could hurt. I think it would also make you a better poker player! Nothing stops you saying 'all in' as much as knowing that that's really all you have...

Shineyhappy

I agree with Kitty, you need to stay away from any form of gambling and try and find some other hobby to keep your mind off it.

Why not take up a money making challenge to get the debt paid off quicker or something with your girlfriend?

I think you should install anti gambling software and if you have a moment of weakness get support from us, your family or girlfriend or a proper support group.

kittyscarlett

Heh, KittyKate posted exactly what I was going to say whilst I was reading through the the post ! I agree... think about the way you tackled your drinking - you would not have suceeded if you had said " oh ok, I'll only drink alchohol if its free ( i.e someone else buying ) and that way I've given up drinking " ? which is the same thing you are asking now !

Look at your signature :" last bet 28/10/07 and I will NEVER bet again " make that happen ! Its not going to be easy but as KittyKate pointed out, there is LOTS of support available, some of it right here on MSE. You obviously need to keep yourself occupied, entertained and busy to distract yourself from wanting to gamble. Why not get into some real life sports/physical activity ? healthier and better for your bank balance maybe some stuff you and your gf can do together ? or if you have to play games on a PC, make it non gambling stuff ! and set yourself some moneymaking challenges that will hopefully substitute for some of the adrenalin rush when you win at gambling ... except this time you will be winning at LIFE.

carrliadiere

Poker is different to sports gambling, it really is. I can fully understand why someone would want to keep playing poker, and see it as totally different to gambling.
Not only is poker a game of skill, it's a really great social activity. Control it, budget it, keep it minimal, and don't ever go over your limit, and I can't see any harm in it.

The key thing is having a bankroll, so your money for life and your money for poker doesn't get mixed up. 5 pounds a month on poker, and leave it at that. If you lose the fiver, that's it for the month. You could even cut out spending 5 pounds a month on something else, and make your poker effectively free!

biglad

thanks all so much for your replies

the mad thing is i have just rejoined the gym, and i love cycling. the problem is i work in care and the shift patterns are strange and can have 2 days off in the week with not a lot to do. i cycle everywhere and i dont even want to play poker to gain profits or win, its just about fun with me and reading the game etc.

betting is where my problem is, im sorry if it sounds like im not listening to your advice, im just finding it hard atm as it IS an addiction and i really think i can just play poker for pleasure, but right now im not sure if its the gambling addiciton coming out

i have played poker with my girlfriend, and she says im good at it, i have qualified for quite a big tournie via freerolls, however i didnt do very well in the tournie, but that didnt matter to me

this may sound strange but i dont see the poker as an addiciton. when i bet id be pleased if i won, but distraught if i lost and depnding on the situation suicidal. however if i lose at poker it doesnt bother me as i play tournies, and i analyse stuff so just put it down to luck.

sorry if it feels like im not listening, but know you lot can help me a lot

kittyscarlett

Carrliadiere, I don't think you're grasping the underlying point... as you said yourself, you've never been an addict so you have limited understanding of the behaviour... if someone has an addictive personality then there IS great harm in staying near the core of the problem, whether that is betting on poker or how many hairs on a monkey's backside. Perhaps one day the OP may be able to be controlled enough to play poker in a leisure capacity, but since he has been lying, taking money and endangering his relationship I don't think that time is now. He's been brave enough to admit he has problems and needs help, what he doesn't need is to be constantly tempted day in day out to go back into old modes of behaviour.

kittyscarlett

biglad wrote: »

sorry if it feels like im not listening, but know you lot can help me a lot

Doesn't feel like that at all hon, you're having an " inside voice " conversation out loud, nowt wrong with that ! and you are trying to process your thoughts and its brave to do that on a public forum

please don't think I'm being judgemental, I'm not at all, but what you really need to tackle right now is replacing the buzz and mental challenge poker holds with other things in order to avoid the gambling situation with that and the other factors. You might one day be able to go back to playing poker purely for pleasure but you have other stuff in your life right now that has to take prececence - like dealing with your debts and working on your relationship - it doesn't have to be miserable though, you can have fun doing it !

biglad

thanks so much for all your help

i have decided im going to have at least a month of from poker, and then see if i can do it just for pleasure which i think i can. i think your completely right that i need to find other stuff do to.

im going to get my gf a ticket for lee evans who we both want to see on the money i prob would have spent on betting. plus doing lots of overtime next month so wont have a lot of spare time

another blessing is the fact that the tennis season finishes in 2 weeks and thats where i would bet and win decent money on, then lose it on other sports. i can just enjoy the tennis now and the close season will do me wonders

i am going to head off and do the housework, then get busy on my wii that we saved up pennies for.

thanks again all, i knew i could help from this place