Partners ex won't leave us alone

Birdy1

Hi all,

I'm new to all this forum writing but I need some advice!
My partner has a son with his ex. While they were together she controlled him - he had no friends, could not go out. She left him (we believe for someone else), then came back, then left him again, then tried to come back. The last time she tried to come back he was already with me (which she knew). Eventually he had to harshly tell her straight he did not want her. She harrassed us for months. She would constantly message him and phone him (nothing relating to their child) until he blocked her. She messaged me calling me names and threatening me so i blocked her. She then started phoning his workplace and going in to his workplace, shouting and swearing. She has received 2 harrasment warnings from the police. After the second warning we thought she had stopped trying to control. But she then took my partners son and said we would never see him again. Long story short we went through court and a court order has been made - we have joint custody but he lives with us and spends 3 nights a week with her. We agreed in court drop off and pick up times, and said texting was for emergencies only. My partner bought a new phone so that she could text him in case of emergency. She has already started to abuse this. She text to voice her opinion on him having a diffrent number and to ask about pick up times - which she already knows. This is how the harrasment started last time. We know from experience she will keep doing it, and it will get worse. We have been in touch with our solicitor to ask her to reiterate what was said in court.
What else can we do? She does not need to have any communication with us. She has spread lies about us, made us both ill with stress. I don't want that to happen again. At what point can you get a restraining order? And can we ever do anything seeing as theres a child involved? X

BAFE

How old is the son?

tacpot12

Some of your options are limited because you have to abide by the court order. I would suggest that your partner needs to turn his special phone off while his son is staying with you, and only turn it on after handing over the son to his ex, and turn it off when he returns. If his son is not with his ex there is no need to be available to her.

You will only be able to get a restraining order when she exhibits sufficient concern - you just being sure it harassment is going to occur is not going to satisfy any court, and I suspect you know this and are just frustrated with the situation.

Bear in mind that this person can only take as much control as you give her. If you sent reasonable boundaries and refuse to interact with her outside of the boundaries, there is not much she can do without incriminating herself. Keep a diary and what she does/says/texts, just in case.