Lazy and Hypocritical Ex-friend/New Manager

Mika134

Sorry for this it's going to be a bit of a rant. I'm doing everything I can to get away from this job and this person now, and got tons of interviews lined up so please keep that in mind.

So I worked with this girl for two years and we became fast friends. She was super nice and we were very close. I liked her a lot and the only thing I didn't like about her was that she was a bit two-faced. She would talk about people behind their backs, then, be super nice to their faces, but other than that she was great. She also liked to come across as being a "tough nut" and would tell stories about herself that weren't true, about how she stood up to people and would tell people where to go if they upset her. But in all my time working with her, if we had any difficult customers she would be as soft and none-confrontational as possible. But whatever, we all have our flaws and I still liked her despite this.

One day she asked me to run a coffee shop with her and I was delighted. The shop owner was from Iran, barely spoke english, and didn't have time to run the shop himself, but needed it while he was sorting out his work Visa to stay in the country, so it was just me and her working there. She was the manager and would sort out the stock and the wages, but other than that I did pretty much everything she did. It was great for the first 6 months. The shop was relatively quiet compared to what we were used to, and it was the easiest job I had ever had. It was also decent pay, and not far to travel to, so I thought it was perfect.

After about 6 months though, my friend/manager really stopped caring. The shop owner never visited the store, so she sort of knew she could get away with going in late and leaving early every single shift. I never did this, and got quite pally with the other shop owners and customers and almost every other day they would ask me "how come *other girl* wasn't in yesterday? Why was the shop closed at this time? Etc.

So I started going into town and "passing" the shop, and sure enough, she wasn't there. I called to ask why she wasn't and she said she had a "doctors appointment." So I waited 3 days and did the same thing again, this time she had "gone home ill." However she stopped and the next few times I did this she was in the shop - GOOD. I wasn't going to hang around though or waste my out-of-work time.

The shop owner was completely unresponsive to us and spent a lot of time in Iran. He didn't care about the shop, and was going to close it once his visa was sorted out. It would take him like, 2 weeks to reply to an email and then you can bet it would be incredibly short.

After realising she wasn't going to get away with just "Not turning up and closing the shop" my friend/manager started calling in sick A LOT. Our shop opened at 8am, we took it in turns to do morning shift or the afternoon shift. When it was her turn to do the mornings, at literally 7am she would text/call me to say she wasn't going to be in and asking me to cover for her. This happened like twice per week. Which meant I ended up doing 12 hour days ALL THE TIME. But I was used to working long shifts in a busy pub, so this was nothing in comparison. The extra money would have been great. There were a few occasions I had made plans and couldn't cover for her, but on that short notice the amount I actually did rush into work in less than an hour was pretty good.

But guess what. I didn't get the extra money, do you know why? Because instead of putting down the 12 hours shifts I worked, this girl would put down that she had gone in as normal. I calculated the hours I had done and told her my wages were wrong, and instead of apologising, she questioned me like I was trying to get extra money off her. "No I was in that day" "No you couldn't cover that day remember?" We literally had an hours long discussion before she said she would put the extra time onto my hours next month.

So last month the same thing happened. She called in sick slightly less, once per week, but had 3 days off right near the end with "back pain" I covered 6 of the 7 shifts for her, expecting a big paycheck which included the hours I covered last month. And guess what happened?

This month I looked at my paycheck, and she had put the hours I covered the month before (at least, some of them) but NOT put in the 6 12 hour shifts I covered the month just gone! Not only that, but she had put that she had been in every day, and added her "sick days" onto the total as holiday pay. So we got paid the EXACT SAME even though she had literally done about 102 hours (not counting any she left early or I didn't find out about her not going in) and I had done 198!

I got in touch with her RIGHT AWAY and again she started questioning me. This time she started saying "When I called in sick on that morning, you didn't show up until 8:20 so that takes 20 minutes off." I was internally losing my !!!!, but annoyingly I really need her for a reference for most of the jobs I am going for, so I had to try and be as nice as possible. After ages of discussing she said she would put the hours onto next months. I don't buy it at all.

The final thing that tipped me over the edge, was that one of our neighbour shop owners came in and spoke to me on my shift. He said that she had asked him if I had been "leaving early" when I worked the afternoons. What the hell??? I have NEVER left early.

This whole thing has riled me up so much. I am going to tons of interviews but as I suffer with social anxiety I really struggle with them, but I am still trying. I want to get away from this ex-friend as fast as possible because I can't believe how much she is messing me around, but I do like my job and it's so nice and easy that if it wasn't for her I would stay another year or two to build up the savings. It's just painful that someone I thought was a friend would be doing this. Again, I need her for a reference so I have to be nice, it's like she has so much power. But if I do get another job, or get one that will accept my other references (most places need your last employer) then I will take a week off as holiday and then walk just to spite her.

Thanks for reading if you did. Please share your stories below!

ohreally

Mika134 wrote: »

Please share your stories below!

Think I'll pass on that one, btw I think you need to be more assertive and stop being a doormat.

hollydays

Go easy on a newbie.

Mika134

I've confronted her about this twice, and we've spent more time arguing than actual talking. Other than "walk and be broke" I don't know what else I can do, I don't want to be jobless and am trying my best to get a new job.

But thank you for taking the time to read it because I didn't think anybody would bother lol.

nicechap

Mika134 wrote: »

Sorry for this it's going to be a bit of a rant. I'm doing everything I can to get away from this job and this person now, and got tons of interviews lined up so please keep that in mind.

So I worked with this girl for two years and we became fast friends. She was super nice and we were very close. I liked her a lot and the only thing I didn't like about her was that she was a bit two-faced. She would talk about people behind their backs, then, be super nice to their faces, but other than that she was great. She also liked to come across as being a "tough nut" and would tell stories about herself that weren't true, about how she stood up to people and would tell people where to go if they upset her. But in all my time working with her, if we had any difficult customers she would be as soft and none-confrontational as possible. But whatever, we all have our flaws and I still liked her despite this.

One day she asked me to run a coffee shop with her and I was delighted. The shop owner was from Iran, barely spoke english, and didn't have time to run the shop himself, but needed it while he was sorting out his work Visa to stay in the country, so it was just me and her working there. She was the manager and would sort out the stock and the wages, but other than that I did pretty much everything she did. It was great for the first 6 months. The shop was relatively quiet compared to what we were used to, and it was the easiest job I had ever had. It was also decent pay, and not far to travel to, so I thought it was perfect.

After about 6 months though, my friend/manager really stopped caring. The shop owner never visited the store, so she sort of knew she could get away with going in late and leaving early every single shift. I never did this, and got quite pally with the other shop owners and customers and almost every other day they would ask me "how come *other girl* wasn't in yesterday? Why was the shop closed at this time? Etc.

So I started going into town and "passing" the shop, and sure enough, she wasn't there. I called to ask why she wasn't and she said she had a "doctors appointment." So I waited 3 days and did the same thing again, this time she had "gone home ill." However she stopped and the next few times I did this she was in the shop - GOOD. I wasn't going to hang around though or waste my out-of-work time.

The shop owner was completely unresponsive to us and spent a lot of time in Iran. He didn't care about the shop, and was going to close it once his visa was sorted out. It would take him like, 2 weeks to reply to an email and then you can bet it would be incredibly short.

After realising she wasn't going to get away with just "Not turning up and closing the shop" my friend/manager started calling in sick A LOT. Our shop opened at 8am, we took it in turns to do morning shift or the afternoon shift. When it was her turn to do the mornings, at literally 7am she would text/call me to say she wasn't going to be in and asking me to cover for her. This happened like twice per week. Which meant I ended up doing 12 hour days ALL THE TIME. But I was used to working long shifts in a busy pub, so this was nothing in comparison. The extra money would have been great. There were a few occasions I had made plans and couldn't cover for her, but on that short notice the amount I actually did rush into work in less than an hour was pretty good.

But guess what. I didn't get the extra money, do you know why? Because instead of putting down the 12 hours shifts I worked, this girl would put down that she had gone in as normal. I calculated the hours I had done and told her my wages were wrong, and instead of apologising, she questioned me like I was trying to get extra money off her. "No I was in that day" "No you couldn't cover that day remember?" We literally had an hours long discussion before she said she would put the extra time onto my hours next month.

So last month the same thing happened. She called in sick slightly less, once per week, but had 3 days off right near the end with "back pain" I covered 6 of the 7 shifts for her, expecting a big paycheck which included the hours I covered last month. And guess what happened?

This month I looked at my paycheck, and she had put the hours I covered the month before (at least, some of them) but NOT put in the 6 12 hour shifts I covered the month just gone! Not only that, but she had put that she had been in every day, and added her "sick days" onto the total as holiday pay. So we got paid the EXACT SAME even though she had literally done about 102 hours (not counting any she left early or I didn't find out about her not going in) and I had done 198!

I got in touch with her RIGHT AWAY and again she started questioning me. This time she started saying "When I called in sick on that morning, you didn't show up until 8:20 so that takes 20 minutes off." I was internally losing my !!!!, but annoyingly I really need her for a reference for most of the jobs I am going for, so I had to try and be as nice as possible. After ages of discussing she said she would put the hours onto next months. I don't buy it at all.

The final thing that tipped me over the edge, was that one of our neighbour shop owners came in and spoke to me on my shift. He said that she had asked him if I had been "leaving early" when I worked the afternoons. What the hell??? I have NEVER left early.

This whole thing has riled me up so much. I am going to tons of interviews but as I suffer with social anxiety I really struggle with them, but I am still trying. I want to get away from this ex-friend as fast as possible because I can't believe how much she is messing me around, but I do like my job and it's so nice and easy that if it wasn't for her I would stay another year or two to build up the savings. It's just painful that someone I thought was a friend would be doing this. Again, I need her for a reference so I have to be nice, it's like she has so much power. But if I do get another job, or get one that will accept my other references (most places need your last employer) then I will take a week off as holiday and then walk just to spite her.

Thanks for reading if you did. Please share your stories below!

As advised on your other thread, you'll get better emotional support if you post on the marriages & RELATIONSHIPS subforum.

I won't be sharing any stories either but in reference to the highlighted bit, that's a very bad idea, you'll be punishing the firm and other colleagues who will have to compensate for your walking out in spite (which is not an attractive quality in anyone). Plus, until you have 2 years in the new firm you have very few employment rights so might need another reference or three from them.

(D plus dilemma)

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

nicechap wrote: »

As advised on your other thread, you'll get better emotional support if you post on the marriages & RELATIONSHIPS subforum.

I won't be sharing any stories either but in reference to the highlighted bit, that's a very bad idea, you'll be punishing the firm and other colleagues who will have to compensate for your walking out in spite (which is not an attractive quality in anyone). Plus, until you have 2 years in the new firm you have very few employment rights so might need another reference or three from them.

(D plus dilemma)

Have I read the OP wrong? There is no firm. There are no other colleagues. The shop is just a front to get someone a work visa. It will soon be closed.

OP, why you are taking it on yourself to worry about whether the shop is even open if you are not there, I don't know. The owner doesn't care. The only thing you need to worry about is whether you get paid for the hours you do work - as far as your friend is concerned, if she gets paid for never going in, that's between her and the owner. Why on earth are you trying to check on her? It may well be arranged between them.

It's not a proper job, or a proper business. If you are happy to go along with it, just take the money. if you don't trust your friend to pay overtime, make sure you're never there outside your core hours.

Savvy_Sue

Get a desk diary. Leave it by the till. Write in it what time you arrive, and what time you leave. Suggest she does the same. Ask her to initial your times whenever she's in at the same time, and to sign off each week.

Then next time she says "don't you remember you couldn't cover for me that day?" it will be there in black and white.

Suggest this as something to make her life easier.

BTW we only pay 'extra' hours at the end of the month after the one in which they're worked, because until the end of the month you don't know how many that might be.

Smodlet

I'd report the owner to the immigration authorities, personally.

TELLIT01

If the other girl is officially the manager, and the owner isn't interested, there is nothing much you can do about the situation. Go to work, do your hours and go home again. It's difficult, but don't let it get to you. You need to keep her reasonably sweet if you need a reference, but don't bail her out.

z1a

Great story.

Mika134

As advised on your other thread, you'll get better emotional support if you post on the marriages & RELATIONSHIPS subforum.

I won't be sharing any stories either but in reference to the highlighted bit, that's a very bad idea, you'll be punishing the firm and other colleagues who will have to compensate for your walking out in spite (which is not an attractive quality in anyone). Plus, until you have 2 years in the new firm you have very few employment rights so might need another reference or three from them.

Thank you for your help. I thought as it was a work issue I might get better advice from those who have experience working with managers or colleagues like this. There are no others who work at our shop, just me and the other girl, and the shop is closing around July when the manager will have a permit to work in the country. He is really hard to contact and does not speak much english, he can barely read it. He phones the shop once every 2 months or so at a random time from a foreign number, and never, ever picks up his phone (he can't use it in Iran). Getting a reference from him will be near impossible which is why I need the other girl to not completely hate me.

Thanks for taking the time to read anyway, I will consider not walking purely for if I need her to be a reference again in the future. However it's becoming difficult to not be infuriated at times.

As for those who asked why I keep going in when she does not, it's because I have terrible luck and know that the day I decide to leave 20 mins early is the day the shop owner or someone who knows him will come to the shop, or walk past it, and word will get back to him.