Money moral family issue - what to do?

DairyQueen

I think maintaining a good relationship with your in-laws should take priority. In a few years from now the money will seem unimportant in the overall scheme.

I believe this one needs to be put down to experience as the time for resolving it diplomatically (before/during their trip) has passed. It sounds like they believe they have given you sufficient to meet the costs and will be mortified to discover the truth. Such misunderstandings can cause awkwardness, embarrassment and resentment.

When they next visit you will be able to deal with money issues much more diplomatically. i.e. check the costs you are incurring of their behalf with them before you commit (something like: "X will cost £80 each. Does that fit with your budget?").

I would also suggest that all incidentals on joint trips are financed by a 'kitty'. My family has always followed this principle and it works really well. Each person contributes 'X' amount in cash into a 'kitty wallet' and all joint expenses (meals, drinks, shopping) are funded from that. Once the funds run-down every one divvys an extra X. At the end of the trip any balance is split between the parties.

System

You paid for smartwatches that they requested???

Had they asked for a Ferrari too would you have purchased that?

Why on earth would you need to buy someone visiting for 3 days a smart watch? And why didnt you say no?Or memory cards. Or even a mobile phone. Surely they have a device that can pick up Wi-Fi for watsapp calls or fb calls.

It sounds more like they took you for a mug and said we will get the most we can pay for nothing. And you duly accepted. Food,transport essentials I get. Smartwatches I don't.

silvercar

This is family.

By accident of birth, you live in a place where the average annual salary is 4 times that of the family's home. So the £800 overspend would be worth 4 times as much in purchasing power to them.
How would you feel if you spent a lot of money on a holiday and then your hosts tell you that you cost them an extra £3200 and could you pay up?

silvercar

You paid for smartwatches that they requested???

Possibly they thought the money they paid over was for the goods they bought to take home and the trips/ hotels etc were paid for by their hosts.

PeacefulWaters

How much out of pocket were they rebooking flights back to Brazil after the Ryanair mixup?

Cheeky_Monkey

That was the OP's family (his cousins) not his wife's

shapala

cjdavies wrote: »

Did you/your wife inform of them anytime how much they were costing before you booked?

Did you give them a price of your services for bookings?

Yes, we sent all invoices by email for all the things we booked in advance to them. However, the many other costs such as restaurants when their cards didn't work, memory cards, taxis etc which were not gifts were not even considered.

This is now the third time we've been out of pocket when they visit. When we visit them we pay our way. My wife is never bothered by it but this will be the last time. Especially since they are all retired and no issues money-wise. The thing that bothers my wife is they don't learn any English, hence have no confidence going anywhere outside of Brazil, thus wherever we go in Europe, we have to take their hand and take them around (wife and I both speak Spanish and Italian but pretty much everywhere in Europe people speak English - even if they don't, you point and shoot at a menu for example :T).

They want to meet in Italy next year. I'll be telling them they can book everything (there is expedia, airbnb, google in Brazil etc so they can see everything in Portuguese) and pay for that and we'll pay our way for transport, hotels/airbnb's etc. For restaurants and taxi's, I'll be making sure we are repaid what's due. When in the UK with them, if they want any gadgets I'll take them to Currys or Argos and they can pay there and then - if it's too expensive then it's not my issue. As an example, for the things I bought for them on Amazon they could see the cost and obviously not repaid.

I'm just going to put this under the carpet and try and not get bitter about it. If that's possible :rotfl:

shapala

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

How much out of pocket were they rebooking flights back to Brazil after the Ryanair mixup?

Their new EJ flights were £420 (hold luggage included). We used points to get them their hotel in Lisbon. I've told them to get in touch with their travel insurance company in the hope they may get something back. They were due to be in Portugal a few days thankfully so they didn't need to rebook a flight back to Rio.

This actually happened to me recently when I couldn't get to the airport due to the snow and ice we had where we live. I then had to rebook the following day. I phoned my travel insurance company (without much hope) and they repaid for the cost of the new flight which amazed me. Hopefully their travel insurance will cover them for the new EJ flight but it will depend on what their policy is.