So many questions!

FabApocalypse

I lost my mum at the weekend; I reported my concern for her welfare when I hadn't received my usual daily call from her. The police broke in and found her on the sofa. She had already passed away, and the case has been referred to the Coroner, whose office I'm waiting to hear from with regard to certifying her death.

Mum didn't cope at all with losing dad and basically withdrew from the world and much of daily life. We weren't estranged, we spoke daily and I visited regularly but having been to the house yesterday I realise she had hidden just how very bad things were.

Paperwork-wise, she doesn't appear to have dealt with any post since about 2014, though so far I've not come across any unpaid bills. Growing up, I remember an organised smart cookie who was on top of everything, so her slow decline and what's been left behind is coming as a bit of a shock. She wouldn't engage with any sort of help, though many tried.

I've found copies of the wills and they are quite simple. My dad died in 2012, he left everything to mum and mum has now left everything to me; I'm an only child and there's no other family. I am appointed executor.

Dad had a funeral plan but mum, it seems, did not. There are funds in the estate on having a quick look at bank statements but I'm on benefits (I have MS amongst other things and haven't worked for ten years, though the DWP have lately given me zero points so I'm heading for a tribunal) and don't have any funds available now.

Am I correct in understanding that I need a grant of probate to access the funds, but I also need to work out what the estate is worth to get that? How do I do that without access to the funds? And I have to pay a fee to apply?

Also if I remember rightly - and mum's not here now to ask - the original wills (which I need to send to apply) were deposited at a solicitor's office which is no longer there. I think she had to contact the law society and arrange something with them instead? But there's no paper trail.

I'm not sure how I can arrange a funeral without funds to pay for it...

Do you have to have a 'funeral'? As in a ceremony? Because there's only me left and I would rather quietly wave her off and am sure she would rather be quietly waved off.

I know this seems a bit early to be worrying but nevertheless I am worried about dealing with officialdom when every step seems to need the input of funds I don't have. I've no idea how to value the house, which is in very poor condition, not having been looked after for some years now.

Would it be simpler for me to speak to a solicitor or similar and get them to do the work for me? Is that even allowed? Would it be very expensive?

My local CAB is frantically busy, or I'd get in touch with them; I'll be seeing them about my tribunal but the earliest appointment they had is 10th April!

Beyond sad and so confused!

nom_de_plume

Sorry to read of your sad loss.

Have a read of the sticky post at the top of the forum for lots of constructive advice and rest assured, any other questions will be answered by the great help available here.

It probably seems like you've got a mountain to climb in front of you right now but you'll get there. It's simply a case of one step at a time.

First things first is probably to make sure Mum's house is all safe and secure.

With regards to arranging a funeral you can't do that without a death certificate and you won't get that until after the inquest. As for paying, if there's sufficient funds in the bank they will be generally be released to pay for the funeral bill.

Best advice I can give right now is buy an A4 notepad and start on a few to do lists, notes, etc.

Linton

FabApocalypse wrote: »

......

Am I correct in understanding that I need a grant of probate to access the funds, but I also need to work out what the estate is worth to get that? How do I do that without access to the funds? And I have to pay a fee to apply?

.......

Each bank has its own limit as to the amount of money it will release without probate. Generally this is in the 10s of £thousands. So I guess you may be OK there. However I expect they will want to see the will, or an authorised copy, naming you as executor. You will probably also need this just to get a bank statement.

The funeral costs should be released (or paid directly) by the bank anyway. You should just need the death certificate for that.

Rubik

I'm so sorry for your loss, this must be a very difficult time for you.

I agree with the previous poster who said take it one step at a time. You might find this guide helpful - When Someone Dies. It has a useful step-by-step approach to what needs to happen and in what order.

As you are on benefits, you may be entitled to a Funeral Expenses Payment - more details from gov.uk here - https://www.gov.uk/funeral-payments

Speak to a local independent funeral director about your options for a funeral, they will have lots of experience of helping families who don't have lots of money. Some will be willing to wait for payment until after probate is granted (but not all will be!).

The first step is to register your Mum's death as you will only have 5 days from the date she passed to register. Once you've done this, then is the time to ask further questions about the next step.

geminilady

You do not have to have a funeral,I am not having one.You can just arrange a cremation if that is what you want and say goodbye to your Mum in your own way,sorry for your loss.

Keep_pedalling

Banks will pay funeral directors from the deceased persons account, so even if you can!!!8217;t get access to the money reasonable quickly any funeral expenses should be easily covered.

As has been said most bank will release quite large sums without probate. I had a meeting at Barclays last Thursday about my mothers accounts, and all her money has been transferred to me today.

Does you mum own her house?

DigForVictory

I'm sorry for your loss - we rarely think we're going to become orphans, but eventually it happens.

To find your smart cookie has been quietly going ostrich must be very uncomfortable - and also blinking inconvenient. While the Coroner sits, sort yourself a notebook so that even if you can't stand up, you can put your hands on information.

Once you are allowed to register the death, do so & buy several copies of the death certificate - for some reason official copies bought at the time are cheaper than copies made later, so it's worth budgeting a bit extra there.

If you honestly can't face calling up different undertakers & asking how much for a basic funeral, or even an unattended cremation, then ask a friend to do it for you. Get them to ask if they'll wait for payment til after Probate, and to take notes on any help they signpost you towards.

(Do I need to say do not be persuaded to spend money on flowers on the coffin? My ordinarily shrewd mother in law spent £200 on flowers that were burned - when she could have asked the local florist to make a wreath or even a posy of flowers that meant something to the family for less than a third of that, but she didn't "want to seem awkward" or to have to make too many decisions. There is definitely a case for delegating some things, and not trying to do everything at once.)

Please be gentle with yourself. You will be hopping mad at times with your beloved deceased mother & that is entirely normal & reasonable - just most people will not realise & think that smashing teacups & screaming is a bit much. It isn't - you are allowed to grieve however works for you, but if you can avoid front garden meltdowns, the neighbours will appreciate it. (One glorious lass I know took a bereaved daughter out for a walk on the moors. The dog was walked, a thermos of tea was drunk, a bit of yelling and kicking of fallen trees occurred & they came home again. It's figuring out what helps & sloping off to do it.)

The very best of luck with it all.

Yorkshireman99

FabApocalypse wrote: »

I lost my mum at the weekend; I reported my concern for her welfare when I hadn't received my usual daily call from her. The police broke in and found her on the sofa. She had already passed away, and the case has been referred to the Coroner, whose office I'm waiting to hear from with regard to certifying her death.

Mum didn't cope at all with losing dad and basically withdrew from the world and much of daily life. We weren't estranged, we spoke daily and I visited regularly but having been to the house yesterday I realise she had hidden just how very bad things were.

Paperwork-wise, she doesn't appear to have dealt with any post since about 2014, though so far I've not come across any unpaid bills. Growing up, I remember an organised smart cookie who was on top of everything, so her slow decline and what's been left behind is coming as a bit of a shock. She wouldn't engage with any sort of help, though many tried.

I've found copies of the wills and they are quite simple. My dad died in 2012, he left everything to mum and mum has now left everything to me; I'm an only child and there's no other family. I am appointed executor.

Dad had a funeral plan but mum, it seems, did not. There are funds in the estate on having a quick look at bank statements but I'm on benefits (I have MS amongst other things and haven't worked for ten years, though the DWP have lately given me zero points so I'm heading for a tribunal) and don't have any funds available now.

Am I correct in understanding that I need a grant of probate to access the funds, but I also need to work out what the estate is worth to get that? How do I do that without access to the funds? And I have to pay a fee to apply?

Also if I remember rightly - and mum's not here now to ask - the original wills (which I need to send to apply) were deposited at a solicitor's office which is no longer there. I think she had to contact the law society and arrange something with them instead? But there's no paper trail.

I'm not sure how I can arrange a funeral without funds to pay for it...

Do you have to have a 'funeral'? As in a ceremony? Because there's only me left and I would rather quietly wave her off and am sure she would rather be quietly waved off.

I know this seems a bit early to be worrying but nevertheless I am worried about dealing with officialdom when every step seems to need the input of funds I don't have. I've no idea how to value the house, which is in very poor condition, not having been looked after for some years now.

Would it be simpler for me to speak to a solicitor or similar and get them to do the work for me? Is that even allowed? Would it be very expensive?

My local CAB is frantically busy, or I'd get in touch with them; I'll be seeing them about my tribunal but the earliest appointment they had is 10th April!

Beyond sad and so confused!

You don.t need to worry about paying for the funeral. You have no obligation to pay. Don.t arrange it but go to your local council who are leaglly obliged to pay. Don.t let them bully you into paying.

nom_de_plume

FabApocalypse wrote: »

I've no idea how to value the house, which is in very poor condition, not having been looked after for some years now.

Yorkshireman99 wrote: »

You don.t need to worry about paying for the funeral. You have no obligation to pay. Don.t arrange it but go to your local council who are leaglly obliged to pay. Don.t let them bully you into paying.

I doubt the council will meet the cost of a funeral here.

Flugelhorn

I arranged a "direct cremation" recently and actually googled the local funeral directors and found that several quoted a price on their websites.

Made it a lot easier as having the conversation can be so hard (I am only child too). I am arranging a memorial service (minus the coffin) as that is what I felt happier with but there is no need to do anything - treat yourself to day out, you deserve it.

Mojisola

nom_de_plume wrote: »

I doubt the council will meet the cost of a funeral here.

All councils have to arrange a funeral if no-one else is willing or able.

It's a very simple affair but still respectful and sensitive.

Family members and friends can attend as usual.