Making All the Effort in Friendships

hazyjo

There's often a 'leader' within a bunch of friends.


In one of my groups of friends, there's four of us and one totally takes charge. We all end up waiting to hear from her as to where we're going and what we're doing. She likes it, and we don't really have the time nor inclination to sort something 'special' out. Maybe you're just good at the organising bit and they have come to rely on you!


We all do birthdays (meeting up and cards/presents, etc), but not sure what you mean by 'special occasions'. We do Christmas presents but not many send cards. Nobody I know still sends anniversary cards or anything like that. None of us ring each other any more (well, rarely) - it's all done by email or phone apps/texts. We chat when we see each other.


I also have a couple of friends where we don't speak for months/years even, but pick up where we left off every so often. I don't take it personally (nor do they).


I only feel like you do if I'm single. When I'm in a relationship, it's different.

theoretica

I don't think that stopping making such an effort necessarily means dropping the friendship, just perhaps changing how active it is. I have several very good friends I can go many months without any contact, but we both class the other as a friend. Admittedly moves and living a long way away are mostly behind this.

FBaby

It depends. I have friends when I am more likely to be the one making efforts and others when it's the opposite. It is not a reflection of who I like most but mainly a question of habit. I don't mind either way, although I would never forget a birthday or special occasions and if the friend who made more effort expressed some annoyance, I would apologise and be more proactive. I have one friend who used to the one to always made contact with me to go out, now it's the other way around, but we are as close as always, more like sisters really.

Chandelier.

I have friends but I also have acquaintances. I meet up with people at different aspects of our lives as we all have busy schedules that sometimes clash but thankfully it's as if things were never different.

People have been and gone at different points in my life and I've learnt to accept that. I used to find it hard to deal with but as time has gone on I've just completely let go.

I make the effort to contact and reach out at times and sometimes I feel as if it's me that makes the effort but I also understand others have things going on in their lives and I may not be their priority but I always let them know I'm there for them.