Cerebral palsy

w06

First and foremost Stacey, you sound like a great Mum who wants the best for her children and who is providing a lot of good stimulation, in addition to what they're getting at school.

How about asking their Dad to pay a little more to you and arrange some learning support for him. I used to tutor and was always very reluctant to tutor such young children, but the one thing I would happily do is spend time with them exploring knowledge and helping them in learning to learn and enjoy learning, important that it's that and not 'hot house tutoring' though.

Does your lad have a community paediatrician? They'd be able to point you in the right directions and help you access services. Also worth talking to your GP about how this is affecting you as well as your boy's needs.

oh and legible handwriting is overrated, I think the legibility of mine peaked when I was about five.

Staceyjean

Mojisola wrote: »

Is this what your ex has told you?

No. It was my mum. I was in hospital when everyone else was doing gcse and she said it was pointless going back for the rests as I would fail them. I left home shortly after that. My mother was an alcohol and substance abuser and had all sorts to stay. It was difficult and I ended up living on the streets for a while. I have never touched any non prescription medication, alcohol or tobacco products as I believe addiction is in the genes. Ex was supportive actually. He was just useless. He has a lovely older family and a cultured and sophisticated wife. Why would he want someone like me?
At the moment my primary concern is to get some sort of educational support for both of my boys. In particular my son with additional needs. However, people see my situation. Lovely house. Nice car. No husband. Benefit scrounger. Worthless.
When I go into hospital I often talk to other mothers with children in similar positions and they seem to get support at school. It's just I am concerned with asking for too much in case I am labelled as an unfit mother and the children are removed. I used get taken away from my mother and taken into foster care or a children's home but as soon as I had been placed with a nice family and got settled she used to say say she wanted me back.
I like the idea of a tutor to come to the house and just talk to him and play with him. I don't really give him any formal education as I lack the skills or intelligence. It consists really only of playing, reading and taking them out and about. We live in London so there is always something.
The school someone gave me a link to sounds interesting. I am not sure that he is bad enough to warrant that and I would rather he had mainstream education. Or were you thinking it for my own intellectual deficiencies? I think I my be too old as I am 24 and although it goes up to age 25 I may have missed the boat.
I need to find out what is available before I ask for anything in case they think I am not coping.
In terms of financial support, I get maintenance through a solicitor. The money comes "the trustees of the .......... settlement" I have a nice house and the rent is paid for as are my bills and car. If I want anything extra or the allowance is insufficient they say I only have to ask. I am trying to save up to buy a house so I can break free from him. But at the moment I seem to have no option but to allow myself to degraded. I did ask for some investment advice on another thread but I just got ridiculed.
As soon as my son has his immediate needs sorted and I know they are not going to be taken into care then I will be happier.
I taught myself to speak and write arabic and I am reasonably fluent but I doubt that I would be able to do anything with that given my lack of formal qualifications.
I would have loved to study english literature but as I have not even a gcse I think it unlikely I would be accepted even on an open university course. However, for the time being I need to sort out my son's education and physical difficulties before I can even begin to think of that.
I would just like everyone who has contributed and taken the time, not only to reply, but to give me links to other sites. I am very grateful and humbled.

Mojisola

Staceyjean wrote: »

No. It was my mum. I was in hospital when everyone else was doing gcse and she said it was pointless going back for the rests as I would fail them.

My mother was an alcohol and substance abuser and had all sorts to stay.

At the moment my primary concern is to get some sort of educational support for both of my boys.

That says much more about your Mum than it does about you!

My sons missed most of secondary school through poor health but that hasn't stopped them being educated. There are so many ways now to learn and gain qualifications outside of school.

As well as following up the good leads for help with your boys, spend some time and money on yourself - get some counselling and build up your self esteem. A destructive force like your mother can have an impact on you for the rest of your life but, as you are already doing so well, with help you can move on even further.

BucksLady

Stacey, I wonder if your son might benefit from an assessment from an Educational Psychologist in the first instance. The tests would be fun (verbal/non verbal) and would give clear indication of where your son's strenghths/weaknesses lay. This report could then help you gain further help (GP/School) if needed.
With respect to helping your children, I would say at this stage, just 'follow their interests' and let them have lots of fun .One of the most important things for a child is a parent's love - and you seem to have that in abundance .
Take comfort in the fact that the way others' perceive you is not as you 'think' you are perceived. You present as a very polite, intelligent and caring lady - not as someone who is 'thick'.
I wish you all the luck in the world

Alice_Holt

BucksLady wrote: »

You present as a very polite, intelligent and caring lady - not as someone who is 'thick'.

Anyone who can teach themselves to write and speak Arabic has my admiration.

"I taught myself to speak and write Arabic and I am reasonably fluent "

Some of the most impressive people I've come across in my working career, have combined that natural intelligence, with a gift for communication and inspiring others.

From my personal experience, Stacey you may find opportunities in local voluntary organisations. I volunteered at my local advice agency - great training and a very supportive team (staff & volunteers) where people weren't judged on qualifications / etc, but appreciated for what they could bring to the organisation. It was lovely to see some colleagues grow in self-esteem and confidence as they helped provide a valued service to their local community.

RevTimms

You know you may just be worrying unnecessarily. If he is the youngest in the class, and he was premature, there will be children in that class probably around a year older than him.
I am not saying you shouldn't get him checked out, either by the GP or health visitor, it may be that physically, he is just on track. Writing is a physical skill as well as a mental skill, so it maybe because he is so young.
You also need to have a word with his teacher to see if the teacher is also worried.
I used to foster children when I was younger, and believe me, you do NOT sound like the sort of parent who I dealt with and heard about. It sounds like you are really worried the children will be taken from you, just like the experience that you had, and this is holding you back. I would not worry about that if I were you! You sound like a great mum!
Lots of useful links and advice for you here.