Work and depression

London_Exile

Just want to echo what Terry said about confidentially. The same thing happened with me - I can't really go into details, but I was so shocked that something I had said in confidence was passed around the "management" (uses that term very lightly!) where I was working. I don't think I ever really recovered from that.

bonnieheather

I think today is a good day so far, I've got to go to the doc's to get my sick note to send off and decide if I need any more time off. At this point I'm signed off until tomorrow and would go back on Monday but I'm not sure.[/quote]


Jo, if your not sure about going back to work then you really aren't ready to, don't rush it, make sure you are 100% sure or you will only end up being signed off again....... ((((())))

bonnie

Terrylw1

Jo_R wrote: »

Thanks guys :grouphug:

You know, I remember telling my area manager about not getting any set of keys, feeling like I was being ridiculous, and she took me totally seriously and said it *was* important if it was important to me. That was a positive.

It's funny, I saw my parents yesterday and when they were seeing us off, my mum gave me a hug and said how well I was doing (looking after the girls by myself, single parent) which she always says, and I said, really? She's so supportive but I can't see how I'm doing a good job when I find the prospect of spending a whole day with them terrifying, I can only just get out of bed, I want to sleep all the time, I can hardly even bathe them because it means bedtime will be later and it's less time for me to have by myself. How selfish does that sound?

I think today is a good day so far, I've got to go to the doc's to get my sick note to send off and decide if I need any more time off. At this point I'm signed off until tomorrow and would go back on Monday but I'm not sure.

Hi Jo,

If your mum says you are doing better, listen to her because when you suffer from depression other people tend to notice more than you do.

It's not really you being selfish, depression makes you avoid your friends & loved ones. You even feel afraid to see them at times which is just silly...but to a depressed person it's big deal as feels very scary at the time.

I know totally what you mean, you start to sit about and retreat. You avoid anything that takes your time up because you then feel like you've lost the time and you get down. However, doing those things will help to keep your mind occupied which is something your CPN will tell you. One told me when I started to feel down, get on with something and you will forget. It does work, but I didn't find it worked at the height of it all when medication was needed.

There is no pressure on you going back in work. If you don't feel like it, take more time. Discuss it with your GP because they never put pressure on you to return, they just want you to get better. At some point you may need to push yourself back into work to make a positive step but you will know when that time comes because you will feel much better by then and be able to recognise when you are simply avoiding something rather than being anxious about it. I know because, thats the stage I'm at now. but I certainly aint rushing back in.

I'm glad you seem to have a very understanding line manager. So, you will have support when you do get back in.

All the best X

Jo_R_2

Thanks again, I've just been debating what to do. Have been thinking if going back would be a good idea, I think I'd like the routine aspect of it but I'm thinking about cutting down my hours, and maybe doing three days instead of four. I might ask when I do go back if I could do this on a trial basis and see if it works for me. It's a hard thing to think about because my parents brought me up very much with a work ethic and it seems strange, the thought of only doing a job properly part-time. I'm also concerned about if we should need to move - I rent privately at the mo and on what I get now anyway it'd be near enough impossible to find something else bigger where we are, and I'm loathe to uproot the kids out of the area, their nursery and DD1's school as they've had enough upheaval this year with dad moving out. But the house seems to be getting smaller the older they're getting (how do we accumulate so much stuff?!) and at some point in the next year or two I would like to try and look for something with an extra bedroom.

However, my other half (not the girls' dad but a lovely guy I've been seeing for a few months) has said he'd love us all to move in together so that may be an answer... I don't want to be depending on anyone though so I need to think about dropping the hours not just from a home perspective but from a financial perspective as well.

Terrylw1

Hi Jo,

It sounds like you've got lots of very supportive people around you which is good news.

I'm sure your parents awould only be concerned with your wellbeing despite what you did with your work hours.

You have said that your manager has been very understanding so it sounds like they will be able to help you ease your way back in. At the end of the day, getting you back in even a couple of days a week for a month is better than not having you there at all.

Ask for a chat, if they say they can't - try and find another way around it if possible.

Who says you will make the change permanently. At the moment you just need to do something to help you back in work. Later you may decide that you want to do more hours again.

One thing I've found with depression is that you will make yourself worse if you consider the big picture and set yourself 1 massive goal. The best way is to set a series of smaller achievable ones so that you feel better when you achieve them. So, maybe returning on less hours for a feel of the situation could be one such lesser goal. At least then you know how you feel and cn move up a gear if need be.

All the best


Terry

loopy_lass

sorry to hear all these stories, its horrible ,.... ive been suffering with reactive depression for 27 years, ive tried working for the last 7 months and cant cope. however since starting work i have found and moved in with my partner who earns a good wage... but my question is, will i be entitled to any benefits if i cant work or will i be dependant on him?

thanks

loops

sjpsam

loopy_lass wrote: »

sorry to hear all these stories, its horrible ,.... ive been suffering with reactive depression for 27 years, ive tried working for the last 7 months and cant cope. however since starting work i have found and moved in with my partner who earns a good wage... but my question is, will i be entitled to any benefits if i cant work or will i be dependant on him?

thanks

loops

I can only speak from what I get, but as I have been signed off on the sick since 2003 I get incapacity benefit, I have to go for a yearly review with the benefits agency and then they sign me off for another year, without me having to go back to my GP for a sicknote.

I get this benefit regardless of my hubby working, although we did spend a period apart, I was told that it did not affect my benefit either way......

Hope this helps you, I could not go back to work, even though I do truely wish I could, my insomnia is the biggest factor, then the panic attacks....

don't ever fall into the trap of thinking that you are not doing "your bit" to contribute!

I fell into that trap because my husband works full time!

Sometimes people forget that just because you do not go to work, that your illness is not a factor!! they see it as you being at home all day sitting on your backside! I wish that was the case with me!!!

I held down a full time job, with 2 kids under 3, dealing with depression, keeping a household cooking cleaning etc, and going to college 2 nights a week!!!!!!

Because i did not have a broken leg arm etc, nothing physical, people just take the view that there is nothing wrong with you, ignorance is bliss in a lot of peoples cases.......

I hope you find a way to get through this, PM me if you ever need to talk, or sound off

santashelper_2

sjpsam wrote: »

I can only speak from what I get, but as I have been signed off on the sick since 2003 I get incapacity benefit, I have to go for a yearly review with the benefits agency and then they sign me off for another year, without me having to go back to my GP for a sicknote.

I get this benefit regardless of my hubby working, although we did spend a period apart, I was told that it did not affect my benefit either way......

Hope this helps you, I could not go back to work, even though I do truely wish I could, my insomnia is the biggest factor, then the panic attacks....

don't ever fall into the trap of thinking that you are not doing "your bit" to contribute!

I fell into that trap because my husband works full time!

Sometimes people forget that just because you do not go to work, that your illness is not a factor!! they see it as you being at home all day sitting on your backside! I wish that was the case with me!!!

I held down a full time job, with 2 kids under 3, dealing with depression, keeping a household cooking cleaning etc, and going to college 2 nights a week!!!!!!

Because i did not have a broken leg arm etc, nothing physical, people just take the view that there is nothing wrong with you, ignorance is bliss in a lot of peoples cases.......

I hope you find a way to get through this, PM me if you ever need to talk, or sound off

you sound so much liike me i worked full time with 2 kids was a PA to a top boss who was out the country a lot of the time ended up taking on a lot of his work didnt get a pay rise pushed myself to the limit had a confrontatinal arguement with another boss who confronted me in front of the whole office i was in the right and he walked away with his tail between his legs but a few weeks later depression hit me like a brick wall felt disorientated, distant, no energy, changed my job to what i thought was going to be a less stressful job only to find my jobshare started decreasing her hours and as i was her only counterpart was being put under pressure to increase mine to cover when she was not there

The outcome is four years on after having panic attacks, not being able to go out the house for the first year, a nervous breakdown, i am slowly improving but i would never had thought these illnesses could be so debilitating and take so long to recover.
My husband thinks i should be able to just get over it, my kids are teens and are oblivious of how much this affects me, (probably trying to do to good a job to hide it from them) my family have never been there for me so there has been no change there and throughout my life people have either abandoned me or taken advantage of my kind nature.

There are two things i have learnt one is assertiveness is my new motto and balancing my life is a must and everytime someone trys to take advantage of me now i just think how this has affected me and know i wont be letting that happen again.

I think women are put under pressures they never expected nowadays and we are not robots i have learnt a big lesson from this and am grateful its something i can recover from and once im back up and running i know who wil be coming first because i spent my whole life putting others first and during my illness those people have not even acknowledge the level of desperation i have sunk to

Good luck and hope your recovery is speedy

watchzeitgeist

Gentle excercise is probably the single most beneficial thing you can do, with a better success rate than anti-depressents.

Its probably the thing you feel least like doing, especially as its a chore to pursuade yourself to get out of bed.

BUt its not no pain no gain work up a sweat excerise (an-aerobic) its the type that makes your heart n lungs know theyre working but you're not sweating, and your not hearing your breathing louder than normal (aerobic)

so this could mean walking to the shops rather than driving, if you could aim at doing this at least 3 times a week, you would find such a difference.

Again, just to say its not the intensity, working at a rate that puts your body under stress would just add to the problem, its the duration that counts.

moderate/fast walking for 30 minutes would be excellent.

I hope this is of some help to you.

I really wish you the very best in getting well. It CAN be done!!!!!

watchzeitgeist

watchzeitgeist wrote: »

Gentle excercise is probably the single most beneficial thing you can do, with a better success rate than anti-depressents.

Its probably the thing you feel least like doing, especially as its a chore to pursuade yourself to get out of bed.

BUt its not no pain no gain work up a sweat excerise (an-aerobic) its the type that makes your heart n lungs know theyre working but you're not sweating, and your not hearing your breathing louder than normal (aerobic)

so this could mean walking to the shops rather than driving, if you could aim at doing this at least 3 times a week, you would find such a difference.

Again, just to say its not the intensity, working at a rate that puts your body under stress would just add to the problem, its the duration that counts.

moderate/fast walking for 30 minutes would be excellent.

I hope this is of some help to you.

I really wish you the very best in getting well. It CAN be done!!!!!

oh sorry, one more thing, and I apologise if i'm telling you anything youu already know, but perhaps someone else in need may not know this......

Women more than men can suffer depression due to a lack of a "brain chemical" Serotonin. You may be interested to know that Serotonin is produced at one time of day more than any other...........

When the Sun comes up! Therefore by staying in bed you quite possibly could be worsening your condition For men its more of a lack of a different "brain chemical" Dopamine, that is produced by the body more at around 10p than any other time. Men should have early nights!

anyway, good luck, ive had this on n off for 7 years so have learnt quite a lot on what works and what doesnt, for me at least so, well I just hope any of this is some use to you, there are people who care.