Work and depression

London_Exile

Jo,

You have my full support for what you are going through. Not only are you working but a parent as well. Depression is one of the most insidious illnesses and one thats often mocked by employers and those who have never suffered from it!

I myself was signed off in twice in 6 months in late 2006 and know from personal experience how it affects every facet of your life. My previous employer's were not very good at handling my depression - and made it worse by their clumsy efforts in asking when i would be coming back to work - I was never phoned, rather contacted through instant messaging.

I would certainly recommend that you try and get some counseling - It really worked for me, more so than any anti-antidepressant's that I was prescribed. Also, try and get some exercise - I know that just getting out of bed and getting dressed can be like climbing everest with one hand tied behind your back right now, but it does help, I found swimming was a wonderful release from feeling so awful.

It's been almost a year now since I was last signed off and although I've since been made redundant - I don't feel as bad - so although it's a bad soundbite - it does get better with time!

Terrylw1

Agree with London_Exile. I think it's so new to employers that even the good ones are just getting off the ground with it, let alone those that don't want to be bothered.

The problem with depression is that it is so complex. At least with a physical issue, you have treatable symptoms and a boundary of how far it will go. Depression can reduce you to a nervous wreck within a short period of time. You end up being unable to conquer the simplest things that you did day to day without even thinking.

So, not just employers, but people in general don't understand what it does. You can be terrified of going out, can't be bothered to even get clean when it hits you in full. Most normal people won't understand unless they've had some experience with someone who has suffered from it. So, it's hardly surprising that human employers don't either.

Good advice from London_Exile, exercise will really help as it produces chemicals to your brain which give you a lift. Exercise has been proven to have a positive effect on your serotonin levels and help balance your sleep.

In my own personal opinion, I always tell employers as little as possible. I'm cynical with employers because some will use things against you.

So, you have to question your reasons for depression.

If it's work stress, then tell them as they have a duty of care ad can maybe help you. It's also wise to disclose on the work based triggers because you would have hidden nothing from thm if anything did progress.

If it's nothing to do with work, it might be worth considering what you want to tell them. They can't help you with external factors, your GP, CPN & councillors will. Besides, does your line manager have the perfect life to even comment...not likely. So, decide if anything is just too personal to tell people outside of your friends/family etc.

Your employer may have an occupational nurse that can help you at work, but you have to think how qualified they are to address things outside of work...unless they have been a CPN/GP etc...a 1 day stress management course won't do the trick!

Try and work out what triggers your problems in and outside of work first and then you can decide what to tell them.

Anything you tell your employer is strictly confidential, however it's always wise to protect yourself as people are people...

As London_Exile says, SSRI's and councilling is best. Thats scientifically proven to help quicker and lead to a less likely relapse which would seem helpful in your case.

All the best, hope you are feeling a bit better X

Jo_R_2

Terrylw1 wrote: »

The problem with depression is that it is so complex. At least with a physical issue, you have treatable symptoms and a boundary of how far it will go. Depression can reduce you to a nervous wreck within a short period of time. You end up being unable to conquer the simplest things that you did day to day without even thinking.

How true... I had postnatal illness after DD1 was born which was horrendous and ironically one of the things which actually helped me was returning to work. Now however the prospect of going back to work is, well, scary I suppose. I've mentioned they're very understanding, certainly my area manager (who was my supervisor when I first started) is lovely and has always been supportive, I know she values that I have been loyal and stayed when a lot have gone their own way, she knows I have put a lot into the job and I htink she respects that. However I'm finding it increasingly difficult to manage my workload, the amount of paperwork is ridiculous (as per most jobs nowadays I reckon!) and I find myself continually trying to catch up with myself.

Another thing is that because I live further away than most of my colleagues, I often start by going straight to appointments and finish by going home straight from them as well, so I'm not in the office as much as the rest of the team. Because we've recently moved offices and are in an open plan area now with another part of the project, we have a lot more team things going on which I am getting missed out on - sounds silly but someone was talking about the newsletter and I was the only one who hadn't been left a copy in my in tray, and got forgotten about when it came to getting a set of keys in case everyone is out, and it's pretty disheartening.

I'm not sure what I'm saying really, sorry for rambling!

London_Exile

Jo, just want to pick up on your last paragraph about feeling like you're being missed out on. Trust me, I know what you mean - I went form working in a busy office, great social life to nothing. It does make you look inwards and speaking personally I tend to take stuff like that as a personal snub (when it's not).

I'm not sure I have any useful advice for you on this, being out of work and all, but all I can say is that you are not alone. And it will get better.

sjpsam

Hi :grouphug:

I too am a sufferer of depression, aniexty, insomnia and panic attacks, I have had a mental breakdown and also suffered PND. I have been under a CPN and a shrink, the shrink I won't even go into that, why she ever went into the profession is above and beyond me! but My CPN is fantastic.

I suffered PND after my first child, but it was not detected until he was 18 months old, I started on Ad's then found out I was pregnant again.... 2 weeks after my youngest was born I was back on AD's and told to stop breast feeding. Which I have to admit really did make me feel worse because it was something I really wanted to do, but now realise that at least I did it for 2 weeks and he got a decent start.

I have been under my CPN that I have now for 8 years, I did have one before him, but I did not like her much!

I used to work full time with both kids, and also got to college 2 nights a week until 9.30pm and then keep a house, husband and still try and be a daughter sister, friend etc to everyone else!

My downfall came when I thought I had flu in Jan 2003 it turned out to be hypertension as I was at risk of a stroke, due to stress of work college the kids and homelife, eventually, I my contract was terminated on medical ground ( I was put in hospital for something completely different which resulted in my having anaphlactic shock on the operating table and having to be brought back to life) . . . .

I know what you are saying about work, whilst at work, I was made to feel like an outcast, I had to take my appointments when they gave them to me, which sometimes resulted in my having to leave work to go to them, travelling 30 min to get there then 30 mins back, other narrow minded people started to complain! which made added pressure for me. One job I actually told my MD where to stick his job and I left, I then received a letter from him asking me if I meant what I;d said and would I come back. The guy made me feel like a complete and utter outcast, even the warehouse staff knew I'd had a mental breakdown after he assured me it would go no further than him!!! We had a high profile client that needed a shipment asap and the warehouse staff were playing football in the warehouse, I asled them could they get this order out, I was told they were busy, So I asked the MD to speak to them because we were at risk of losing our biggest client, they turned round and said, she's just having a bad day go tell her to take some more chill pills / meds!!!

Another job I had a simliar thing, I needed the help but was also made to feel awkward for taking it by the people at work, in the end down to my own mananger!!! Who was a women and had had kids etc....... it was soul destroying....

Depression is as someone already said a very complex thing, mine started from PND then turned into something worse, after illnesses etc.

I can totally get you on the wanting to stay in bed all day, some days I get angry when someone calls me up to say hi, because I just don't want to talk or be socialable with anyone, i just want to be left alone....

The biggest thing I miss about work, is the adult conversation and that it is not all focused on being a mum or having depression... but on the flip side, I am now a full time mum and my friends are mum's, I get that adult conversation, just sometimes not on the same intelectual level that I used to have. I am now on long term sick, I have been on the sick since jan 2003.

The thing I found hardest is people that have never experienced it, it is hard to explain or to get them to comprehend what it feels like, it isn't physical but mental. My husband even after 11 years still does not get what i mean or even tries to understand when I say to him, I need to leave here it is to crowded if we visted somewhere.....

One suggestion I can make to you and I hope you find it useful, get on the internet and find as much information on your illness, knowledge is power, and give them to your manager and say this is me, this is what I feel, this is the support I need. To an extent what is happening to you at work is a form of dicrimination.

Really I just wanted to let you know that your not on you own hun, have been through and still going through some of the same as you.

((( hugs )))

cwp500

A life long sufferer of depression myself, I can sympathise with each of the posters on this subject.

Everyone here has been very sensitive and its always good to know that you are not alone with this corrosive illness. That is what it is; an illness, always try and remember that.

Whenever you are really bad, dont say; its my fault, or I am worthless. Dont think you will never get better. Those are all thoughts that are symptomatic of depression.

Just tell yourself; its the illness talking not me. Just tell yourself that it is bad but it will improve eventually with medication, understanding and care.

It helps to have a sympathetic ear to talk to. someone who wont mind repetition and will let you talk it out at your own pace.
Like other posters, I do know what I am talking about. I view depression in the same way that I would view cold sores; i am always prone to them but they dont last forever.

Believe me, if you have read this far, you are never alone. Depressive illness does have a positive side - it makes you a better human being and helps you to understand and empathise with others.

Its black now but honestly, it does improve.

Terrylw1

Jo_R wrote: »

How true... I had postnatal illness after DD1 was born which was horrendous and ironically one of the things which actually helped me was returning to work. Now however the prospect of going back to work is, well, scary I suppose. I've mentioned they're very understanding, certainly my area manager (who was my supervisor when I first started) is lovely and has always been supportive, I know she values that I have been loyal and stayed when a lot have gone their own way, she knows I have put a lot into the job and I htink she respects that. However I'm finding it increasingly difficult to manage my workload, the amount of paperwork is ridiculous (as per most jobs nowadays I reckon!) and I find myself continually trying to catch up with myself.

Another thing is that because I live further away than most of my colleagues, I often start by going straight to appointments and finish by going home straight from them as well, so I'm not in the office as much as the rest of the team. Because we've recently moved offices and are in an open plan area now with another part of the project, we have a lot more team things going on which I am getting missed out on - sounds silly but someone was talking about the newsletter and I was the only one who hadn't been left a copy in my in tray, and got forgotten about when it came to getting a set of keys in case everyone is out, and it's pretty disheartening.

I'm not sure what I'm saying really, sorry for rambling!

Hi Jo,

I understand what you mean. I've been working on or managing projects the last few years and I noticed that because I was doing this in areas for other people around the company, rather than the dept I worked in, they very easily forgot about me. So, rather than getting told important things from my own line manager, I found out through friends when on lunch.

I know how that made me down, so maybe that is part of the problem? If it is, then you are lucky with having a supportive manager because maybe they can help alleviate some of your concerns.

You may find that due to how you are, they leave you to your own devices. I rarely needed a line manager in my role since I trained him before and had to advise higher management on policy. So, they just assumed I was ok all the time and it took a lot for me to ever bother with them if I wasn't.

I also had far more work than I could do and I went about 2 yeasr forever sidelining tasks and being around 6 months behind all the time on lesser projects. Whilst I was well ahead on what was expecting of me, I could never get enough done to catch up on the little tasks. What you find is that you can't get it all out of your mind and then it starts to get to you. If it's like that for you, get some help really because it's a negative state to be in.

Suggest if these issues are worrying you, write them down on a piece of paper in a "problems" column. Then brainstorm a few possible ways to change it in another column. Sometimes people find writing them down helps because they obsess over them in their mind otherwise.

Then you could speak to your manager and ask for help.

I don't want to comment on why you feel that way as everyone is different, but you do sound a bit like how I was in that respect and eventually we all hit our breaking point when it all piles up. I found that I was eating & sleeping work and found that a break managed to clear it out of my system. However, my confidence & motivation suffered big time and other things started piling up hence the need for SSRI's to give your brain a break.

As everyone says, you really are not alone. I think on top of obesity, depression will be the other big one for the modern age.

All the best X

Terrylw1

sjpsam wrote: »

Hi :grouphug:

I too am a sufferer of depression, aniexty, insomnia and panic attacks, I have had a mental breakdown and also suffered PND. I have been under a CPN and a shrink, the shrink I won't even go into that, why she ever went into the profession is above and beyond me! but My CPN is fantastic.

I suffered PND after my first child, but it was not detected until he was 18 months old, I started on Ad's then found out I was pregnant again.... 2 weeks after my youngest was born I was back on AD's and told to stop breast feeding. Which I have to admit really did make me feel worse because it was something I really wanted to do, but now realise that at least I did it for 2 weeks and he got a decent start.

I have been under my CPN that I have now for 8 years, I did have one before him, but I did not like her much!

I used to work full time with both kids, and also got to college 2 nights a week until 9.30pm and then keep a house, husband and still try and be a daughter sister, friend etc to everyone else!

My downfall came when I thought I had flu in Jan 2003 it turned out to be hypertension as I was at risk of a stroke, due to stress of work college the kids and homelife, eventually, I my contract was terminated on medical ground ( I was put in hospital for something completely different which resulted in my having anaphlactic shock on the operating table and having to be brought back to life) . . . .

I know what you are saying about work, whilst at work, I was made to feel like an outcast, I had to take my appointments when they gave them to me, which sometimes resulted in my having to leave work to go to them, travelling 30 min to get there then 30 mins back, other narrow minded people started to complain! which made added pressure for me. One job I actually told my MD where to stick his job and I left, I then received a letter from him asking me if I meant what I;d said and would I come back. The guy made me feel like a complete and utter outcast, even the warehouse staff knew I'd had a mental breakdown after he assured me it would go no further than him!!! We had a high profile client that needed a shipment asap and the warehouse staff were playing football in the warehouse, I asled them could they get this order out, I was told they were busy, So I asked the MD to speak to them because we were at risk of losing our biggest client, they turned round and said, she's just having a bad day go tell her to take some more chill pills / meds!!!

Another job I had a simliar thing, I needed the help but was also made to feel awkward for taking it by the people at work, in the end down to my own mananger!!! Who was a women and had had kids etc....... it was soul destroying....

Depression is as someone already said a very complex thing, mine started from PND then turned into something worse, after illnesses etc.

I can totally get you on the wanting to stay in bed all day, some days I get angry when someone calls me up to say hi, because I just don't want to talk or be socialable with anyone, i just want to be left alone....

The biggest thing I miss about work, is the adult conversation and that it is not all focused on being a mum or having depression... but on the flip side, I am now a full time mum and my friends are mum's, I get that adult conversation, just sometimes not on the same intelectual level that I used to have. I am now on long term sick, I have been on the sick since jan 2003.

The thing I found hardest is people that have never experienced it, it is hard to explain or to get them to comprehend what it feels like, it isn't physical but mental. My husband even after 11 years still does not get what i mean or even tries to understand when I say to him, I need to leave here it is to crowded if we visted somewhere.....

One suggestion I can make to you and I hope you find it useful, get on the internet and find as much information on your illness, knowledge is power, and give them to your manager and say this is me, this is what I feel, this is the support I need. To an extent what is happening to you at work is a form of dicrimination.

Really I just wanted to let you know that your not on you own hun, have been through and still going through some of the same as you.

((( hugs )))

Very well said!!!

I had a problem over confidentiality. My girlfriend worked at my company and I was due to transfer line managers due to a re-organisation that was on the cards. The new potentially line manager decided to discuss my case with my girlfriend (and god knows who else as she was a well known gossip!) and my girlfriend informed me.

I've never been a pushover at work as I do a lot of negogiations with other managers on my level so that was a big mistake by her. I contacted my current manager who was also shocked because he hadn't said much and it appeared she had made a lot of it up. Consequently, she was disciplined and I got a different line manager later.

That was my point about companies. Whilst you have confidentiality, they all go out for a beer and things slip. So, if it's not relevant sometimes it's worth not going into. Depends on your manager I think.

So, I know what you mean. Since people know I can be pretty aggressive in my work I think people more likely talk behind my back so I've been lucky not to have to put up with disgraceful conduct like you had to.

I totally agree on using the internet, it helped me even discuss things with my GP. I was lucky because my dad had it years ago so I had parents who had been through it and come out the other end.

I found that whilst you feel like you are not confident enough to talk to people, get and do it. Then once you have, you get a temporary high from it because you feel like you've taken a positive step. I also found that if you didn't keep this up, you felt down because you got disappointed in yourself. I think thats half the battle with depression/anxiety, fighting yourself until you just get past it.

I have to say I never understood how people felt and was most likely critical of other people who suffered from it. I never will be again!

All the best sjpsam & cwp500.

Hang in there Jo x

bonnieheather

hang in there Jo :grouphug:

i've been "suffering" with the big D for about 5 years, well i say 5 but its probably a lot more really but have been on Efexor XL for 5. it is so hard trying to hold on to a job and live with depression too, i myself this year had to give up a job i really loved but i feel a lot better for doing so.
i could waffle on about my illness for ages but i wont lol
just wanted to say,
hang in there we know how you feel and what you are going through
((((Jo))))

bonnie

Jo_R_2

Thanks guys :grouphug:

You know, I remember telling my area manager about not getting any set of keys, feeling like I was being ridiculous, and she took me totally seriously and said it *was* important if it was important to me. That was a positive.

It's funny, I saw my parents yesterday and when they were seeing us off, my mum gave me a hug and said how well I was doing (looking after the girls by myself, single parent) which she always says, and I said, really? She's so supportive but I can't see how I'm doing a good job when I find the prospect of spending a whole day with them terrifying, I can only just get out of bed, I want to sleep all the time, I can hardly even bathe them because it means bedtime will be later and it's less time for me to have by myself. How selfish does that sound?

I think today is a good day so far, I've got to go to the doc's to get my sick note to send off and decide if I need any more time off. At this point I'm signed off until tomorrow and would go back on Monday but I'm not sure.