Separating after 26 years.

fbrander

MeenaM wrote: »

I would also add you should do wills or update your existing ones

Yes thats on the to do list.

fbrander

happyandcontented wrote: »

I understand you want to keep things amicable but you should still be able to do that and protect yourselves financially. The debt includes payments to your joint child so it seems unfair that your husband does not shoulder some of that.

Teaching until you are in your middle 60's from choice is one thing, having to do so is quite another.

Yes I agree and in my darkest moments I struggle with this. Its not the life I had planned and a stark lesson I think. OH used £45,000 of his lump sum towards the house so I will inherit that so to speak. Also, if I decide to sell in the future, I will keep the proceeds.
We thought this was fair and the least complicated.
The credit card debt was run up entirely by me so I feel responsible. I hid it from him (what an idiot but there it is)

eskbanker

fbrander wrote: »

I know you will probably think I am mad but splitting things 50/50 would involve selling our house which we dont want to do.

Surely any sort of dividing of your marital assets (and debts) involves working out valuations of these, however informal or estimated this may be? This doesn't necessarily entail selling anything, but you must have some idea of the relative values of the house and both pensions to inform your decision?

You mention that "OH used £45,000 of his lump sum towards the house" which suggests that the value of the pension is probably fairly significant, but more importantly it's a marital asset if built up during your marriage, so even though it may be that you and/or he see it as him putting his money towards your (plural) house, that's not really how it works legally, in the context of separation.

Anyway, I'll leave it at that - it's not in anyone's interests to interfere and try to force you to do anything you really don't want to do, but personally I think there's a risk that you're selling yourself short and potentially single-handedly taking on a debt that you don't really need to....

fbrander

Many thanks. I had indeed thought of it as "his pension". I will take advice. I think part of the problem is that I am shell shocked and finding day to day difficult enough and finding it hard to get my head round things.

happyandcontented

That is very understandable, a similar thing (though not amicably) has just happened out of the blue to my best friend and she is in bits.

Where will your husband live and how will he fund that? Are you aware of the detail of the marital finances?

You do need to protect your long-term interests when separating towards the end of your working life. Good luck.

fbrander

happyandcontented wrote: »

That is very understandable, a similar thing (though not amicably) has just happened out of the blue to my best friend and she is in bits.

Where will your husband live and how will he fund that? Are you aware of the detail of the marital finances?

You do need to protect your long-term interests when separating towards the end of your working life. Good luck.

Husband will be renting nearer his family. I am very aware of the finances as I have mostly dealt with them. Apart from the credit card we have no debts and very few direct debits.