Death of adult child (Scotland)

SevenOfNine

kremmen wrote: »

I am sorry that you have to go through this alone.
I can't help with information on Scottish law but hopefully you can get some support here:
https://www.tcf.org.uk
Paul xx

Paul has made an excellent suggestion. You'd be surprised at how much support, empathy & knowledge you will gain from the site. Every bereaved parent there will try to help you, sadly it's pretty much "been there, done/doing that".

Tragically, several parents who lost their son/daughter abroad, & those in your situation who can help direct you from their own wealth of unwelcome experience from such a terrible loss, from all over the UK. Several support groups meeting monthly all over the place in Scotland (there's a map under the 'support in your area' drop down box).

I've fine tuned Paul's link a little so that you can locate the registration more easily (not that it's hard), though you must meet the sad requirements in order to register to utilise the site, you do not have to 'join', so there is no fee, & you are not obliged to 'donate' either.

https://www.tcf.org.uk/content/online-support-forum/

I'm so sorry for your loss.

sheramber

Meanwhile we've forked out thousands to bring him home, I alone arranged the celebration of life and (separate, private) cremation

These expenses should come out of his estate before anybody inherits.

heart_broken

To SevenofNine

I've been looking at that site a lot and am in their Facebook group but never knew they had a forum, thank you!

heart_broken

So I found out today that my son's father has appointed himself as executor. I had a consultation with a lawyer who said that we really didn't need one as the estate was so small and could be dealt with quite simply.

Can I apply for executorship too? It feels like he now has all the power whereas I'm the one that's done all the work. Will his legal fees come out of the estate as that would hardly be fair.

I'm paranoid he's going to turn up with a van and remove all my son's belongings, violate his childhood home and leave me with nothing. Can he demand I hand things over or is that not how it works?

TBagpuss

I think strictly speaking he would, as executor, be entitled to your son's things (although not to have access to your home, so while you will probably have to hand your son's belogings over to him if he requests them, it's likely to be reasonable for this to be by arrangments, not for him to just show up with no warning.

I don't know whether you can apply to be made a co-executor, I think in England when you apply you have to explain why the pother people with equal rights are not applying, but I don't know whether that is the case in Scotland - if you call the solicitor you saw earlier this month they may be able to tell you without you having to make a new appointment.

Robisere

I don't know if this can help or encourage, but I had a nephew (only 5 years my junior) who lived, worked, married, divorced and died in Scotland from the age of 18. He ran a welding company with his son who was born there and was an adult when his dad died. His son was able to be executor, having lived most of his life with dad and not mum. He ran the whole funeral and wake, organised reaching all English relatives and getting accommodation for us. He was 21 at the time, so I don't believe that youth would be preventing your daughter doing the same: although you know her best of course. The key is whether your dd can talk with both her parents and come to some arrangement suitable to both. There is also the fact that you may have been regarded as Responsible Parent: was he living with you as a child after divorce?

I am not familiar with Scottish law, so may be wrong. But I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my other nephew shortly before his eldest brother and I was very close to them both, more like a big brother. Age of the deceased has no bearing upon the grief felt by those who love them.

heart_broken

He walked out on him when he was 3 (we were never married), why on earth should I have to hand my son's things over to him? He's never even been in my son's bedroom. He gave my son a Rolex which he wants back but this is going to make up a large part of the estate (and has sentimental value to me too) and he is only entitled to 1/4 of it. I've resigned myself to handing it back - the stuff that mean something to me are t-shirts, his guitar and stupid valueless little things.

I just feel so powerless.

TBagpuss wrote: »

I think strictly speaking he would, as executor, be entitled to your son's things (although not to have access to your home, so while you will probably have to hand your son's belogings over to him if he requests them, it's likely to be reasonable for this to be by arrangments, not for him to just show up with no warning.

heart_broken

His sister lives 200 miles away and she's grieving too so I'd rather not make her a middleman. She has enough to deal with and is in the position of having no-one around her that knew him to talk to. They were like twins. My son lived with me until he left for uni in 2014 but came home every weekend for work (we worked in the same place) until he started his 3rd year and it got too much to be working and studying.

He graduated at his own funeral.

Robisere wrote: »

I don't know if this can help or encourage, but I had a nephew (only 5 years my junior) who lived, worked, married, divorced and died in Scotland from the age of 18. He ran a welding company with his son who was born there and was an adult when his dad died. His son was able to be executor, having lived most of his life with dad and not mum. He ran the whole funeral and wake, organised reaching all English relatives and getting accommodation for us. He was 21 at the time, so I don't believe that youth would be preventing your daughter doing the same: although you know her best of course. The key is whether your dd can talk with both her parents and come to some arrangement suitable to both. There is also the fact that you may have been regarded as Responsible Parent: was he living with you as a child after divorce?

I am not familiar with Scottish law, so may be wrong. But I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my other nephew shortly before his eldest brother and I was very close to them both, more like a big brother. Age of the deceased has no bearing upon the grief felt by those who love them.