Marital Joint Account

Louten

Yes indeed. I guess I only ever thought it was fair for it to be this way but I can see from talking to people and my lack of finances at the end of the month I'm probably being too kind. Time for a change I think.

Louten

Sorry I had to have quite extensive maxillofacial work due to injury costing a few thousand so we're not talking a quick check up. I totally get what you're saying and I agree wholly. I appear to of consciously/subconsciously been taken advantage of.

trailingspouse

I'm really pleased that you're starting to see how things could/should be.

Just as an example of how daft your husband's current arrangement is - you pay for all the food. If you (individually) stopped working for any reason, would you (plural) stop buying food? Of course not. So why is it you (individually) that's footing the bill?

And he's expecting you to pay for half of a holiday when he's earning 4x what you earn???

As I said recently on another thread, differing attitudes to money is one of the hardest things to deal with as a couple - and one of the things that people rarely talk about in the run up to getting married.

A joint account isn't the right thing for everyone - my first husband complained about every penny I spent on clothes for myself, no idea why as a) I never bought anything I didn't need, b) we could afford it and c) I hated shopping anyway!! so I found it caused less drama if we had separate accounts. But I think there's a strong correlation between the strength of a marriage and how able the couple are to talk about money. With my second husband we have a joint account - every penny goes in there and every penny goes out of there, regardless of who it 'belongs' to.

cloud_dog

Xylophone mentioned pretty much what we have set up for the last.....feels like eons...

One joint account. Both salaries get paid in to it. All bills come out of this. Any savings come out of this.

Each retained their own bank account. From the joint account we pay each of ourselves an allowance each month. To do with what we choose.

Mnd

When we got together my wife was hopeless with money, she had a lot of little debts, but no idea what she owed to who..we gradually sorted 1 by 1 as they chased her.tbh I paid them .I had the cash she didn't.
This was before we were married but it was pretty clear we were together even at that stage.
When we did get our home together we were the classic spender and saver, guess which was which! and she would spend willy nilly with no thought to how much it was costing.
In the end, we set up a bank account, happened to be joint, but totally in her control, every month a sum goes in that she controls and this pays the groceries, petrol, small treats like cinema, and crucially her vital lady spends withour involving me..she has got to a stage now where she saves out of this fund for all the spending money for our holidays and forward plans.
She has got a credit card that I have no involvement with but she pays out of this money.
Also she knows that's anything bigger she needs, which card to use, but let me know..this is hopeless��
She also is very naughty and is quite content to buy my birthday and christmas presents on my card!

Flobberchops

I was about to suggest something very similar to cloud_dog. One big joint account where all the mandatory expenses come from, then you each have sole accounts for guilt-free spending money, meaning you don't ever get into the situation where you have to co-ordinate ATM withdrawals etc. Any bigger purchases get taken from the joint pot after you've discussed and come to an agreement.

On the understanding that you're contributing equally to the family (either through earnings, housework, childcare etc) I can't see how anything other than an equal control over the finances is fair.

Full disclosure: I'm the main breadwinner and actually I also tend to manage the finances, but that's through mutual agreement. I'm completely transparent about income/outgoings with my girlfriend if she ever asks and she knows that if she ever needs more money then I'll transfer it to her. A joint account may happen in the future but for now it works, plus having sole accounts allows us to divide the monthly DDs and earn double cashback!

gingercordial

My ex-husband and I had separate finances with proportions of bills calculated. He was the one reluctant to have a joint account for whatever reason even though I was the main breadwinner. It isn't why we split up, but in retrospect I think it was a symptom of us not really "sharing" in various aspects of the marriage. We were not ever really a unit.

I've married again and things are very different and much better. Salaries are paid into a joint account and bills come out of that; groceries etc are paid on a credit card which is also settled from it.

We have a set budget and that includes a monthly allowance each for fun stuff, which is paid into our personal current accounts to do what we like with, no questions asked. The allowance is the same £ amount for both of us even though I earn more - and by more, I mean my take-home is about £800/month higher than his, so I could say I am "losing out" by not having higher amounts of fun money than him but that would be ridiculous because we are married and a team. And what would be the point of me having so much extra money and being able to have a more lavish lifestyle if he was not given the same money to be able to join in?

I manage all the finances including the savings accounts, credit cards and what cash sits where for the best interest rate, but that's because I'm an accountant so this is right up my street and I am never happier than with a good spreadsheet so he leaves me to it!

I am not saying this is the one right way, but having done both I know which gives the better sense of togetherness for me.

Silvertabby

It's what works for you.

Mr S and I have always had a joint bank account. When we first got married, he earned more than me - then when he retired my salary plus RAF pension was more than just his RAF pension, then now that we have both retired, his pensions are more than mine.

It's never been 'his' and 'mine', however, it's always been 'ours'

bertiewhite

We have never had a joint account and I don't see how anyone can assume that what works for them is suitable for everyone's circumstances, especially if one of the partners isn't that great with money.

I have always been by far the highest wage earner and I am often away with work so it has always made sense for me to pay the bills and essentials that we need so that my wife doesn't have to worry about it. Also, if her income stops, we know we can still live on my wages. Any money she does earn is then spent on the nice things in life and that's worked fine for us.