Unconditional Love

POPPYOSCAR

AubreyMac wrote: »

I was discussing this with a friend yesterday. My friend believes you can only have unconditional love for your kids and parents and not anyone else. I believe all love has conditions – if someone treats you bad enough for long enough, then your love for them can eventually die, even if that person is your child or parent.


I love some relatives whole heartedly, but they’ve never treated me badly long term so I’ve yet to prove my own theory that my love could die for them.

My friend is divorced and she was hurt very badly so I think it’s made her resistant to love again in a relationship. Therefore she channels her love to her kids as it’s a safer bet. Me – I’ve experience not attaching to and disassociating from relatives that I ‘should’ love such as a parent or sibling (without going into detail). Therefore I can, if I choose to, love someone whole heartedly even a partner.


So, what are your views on ‘unconditional’ love?

I agree with this.

AubreyMac

Some very moving stories here, thanks for sharing.


It is great when you can feel......apathetic I guess is the right word, feel nothing about the people who've wronged you. I goes to show you're passed the anger and have forgiven so that you can move forward. It's when you antagonise each other that shows they have a significant hold on your life.

badmemory

I love my son absolutely & unconditionally & know that he could never ever do anything which would even come close to even embarrassing me. However, my parents never loved me/us & that is damaging. They fulfilled their "duty" to us. Certainly brought us up to know right from wrong without too much physical punishment (it was totally acceptable at the time). But that lack of love/affection does do damage. I went through both their funerals and could not even raise a single tear. So am I a bad daughter, well maybe I am, but of one thing I am certain, I may not be the best parent in the world (in fact I am sure I am not) but I am a better one than they were. Unfortunately, a lot of the time I still love them, whilst also often hating them - I obviously need help - which I got - which is why I can actually talk about it.

So yes if someone is bad enough to you for long enough it becomes normal even "acceptable", except it really isn't. They don't even stop when you become an "adult". It damages your whole life, until you realise that your whole life has been at their command. Even when they are dead they still hold sway over you. They are still messing with your life.

mikeeboy

What is unconditional love?

Would you give up your life for theirs? (Assuming you're not a pensioner when the decision would be easier)

mikeeboy

Cheeky_Monkey wrote: »

I think that you only get unconditional love from a dog :j

I recently had a conversation with a lady that loved her dogs, and I gave the reason that dogs give you the love back unconditionally.

You can't get that from partners.

Between mum and kids maybe, but in adulthood you don't live with your mum (some do I know)

Fireflyaway

I do think you could forgive your kids and love them to a greater degree than anyone else. There is a special bond I think. Not unconditionally though. Some things to my mind are just unforgivable and would get in the way of any feelings of love! Abusing a child, murdering or torturing someone, rape, kidnap to name a few. I just don't see how I could love anyone who did that stuff.

seven-day-weekend

Judi wrote: »

Well i'm not in that position but i know this.

Could i forget the day i held them in my arms for the first time?

Could i forget the day they took their first steps in real life?

Could i forget the first day they went to nursery/school?

All these things amongst others i cherish in my heart. It would be impossible to erase them from my memory.

Could i hate what they have done enough to banish them from my life completely? Yes i could, but you couldnt stop me loving them.

My husband and I were talking about this the other day, and came to the same conclusion as you.

Nothing would stop us loving our son, even if he were someone like Ian Brady. We may hate what he did, we may never have him in our presence again because of it, but we would never stop loving him and praying for him to see a better way.

However, I think a parent or other care-giver abusing you when you are their child is a totally different kettle of fish because they are supposed to love, cherish and protect you and I think love can be killed under these circumstances.

JayJay100

I was talking to my auntie about this, the other day. She has three grown up children, one fantastic one, one okay one and one dreadful one. The dreadful one has been an utter swine for the whole of his life; he has a gambling habit, and has been bailed out by his parents on numerous occasions. He won't think twice about stealing from friends and family. and he's also a habitual liar. He's lost his wife, and, when they were younger, he could only see his children on supervised contact, as he even stole from them. Eventually, my uncle refused to bail him out any more, and there was a breakdown in their relationship, although my auntie was still helping out on the quiet. The breaking point for my auntie came at my uncle's funeral; their son heckled the eulogy, laughed out loud at parts of it, sent vile text messages to his children during the service, and put a long rant on social media. A lot of friends and family saw the rant, and although my auntie doesn't know the exact content, she knows enough to be deeply hurt by it. My auntie immediately cut him out of her life.
We're now two years on, and she's missing him dreadfully. In our conversation, she was trying to justify his behaviour, by saying that perhaps he's mentally ill, or it would have been worse if he'd done x, y, or z. Time seems to be dulling the hurt, or the hurt of living without him, is greater than the hurt of what he's done. I think that there is unconditional love there, even when she despises his behaviour.