Hen Do. Help!!

morgani

My cousin is getting married and she asked me to be her maid of honnor.

Therfore I have to organise her hen do she seems to want the world!!
e.g
Meal
Party (Ann Summers)
Stripper
Dressing up outfits
She expects to pay for nothing not even a drink. Thinks its all down to the guests.
This wouldnt be a problem if people wanted to contribute some money towards it! She wrote me a list of the people she wanted to invite and gave me there phone numbers there were about 25 on the list and the only people that said they would go were family as all the people she considders friends dont actualy seem to like her and nearly every one said they wouldnt go if they were paid. She isnt exactly liked in the family either so would only be about 10 (if that) people going, and none of them want to pay towards things for her e.g the stripper, outfits etc.
Its not that everyone is being harsh its that she is a particualy hard person to get on with she allways thiks she is right, very argmentative, agressive etc!! But she is still family and well I would still like to make her hen do good as she should only have the one. (as long as she doesnt get married again! this is her third attempt she has been weeks away from previous wedding and her fiances have pulled out last minute)

What I am realy asking is how can I make things cheep but still good(as I dont want to be footing the bill as I cant afford it). I am abit worried that if the hen do is rubbish it will fall on my head as all the relatives will say that I am rubbish at organising thigs etc.

Also there is a age range going to the hen do. my cousin is in her early 20s and the people that would be going are ageing from 20 to 50 so would have to suit all but generaly the family are up for anything.

I was thinking of ann summers party then in to town that way everyone pays for there own things but the venue for the party would be a problem as my cousin wants it at her house but the rest of the family dont want to go there as its not exactly the cleanest place! I would have it at mine but I have 2 children under 2 and everyone that I would trust to have them will be at the party and it would be to noisy for them to stay here.

Sorry about the long posting. Any help gratefully recieved.
Thank you

findingmyownway

Sounds like a nightmare!

As far as the guests go, if you've sent the invites then its up to them if they come or not. At least 10 is a more managable number than 25 - and its not your fault they don't like your cousin!

Does she really want an Ann Summers party? To my mind they are a lot of hassle and only really work if everyone gets on and trusts each other - not the situation you have described. How about arranging a nice meal somewhere (doesn't have to be expensive, tapas is good for groups) and then going round a few bars (you could get some cheap dress-up items from Claire's Accessories i f thats the kind of thing she wants. Once the cheap wine gets flowing i'm sure she'll have a nice time. You are not obliged to spend a fortune trying to buy friends for her!!

tifnstav

she sounds like a nightmare.

to be in her early twenties and be like that, she needs to lighten up! i expect to pay my way on my hen do, to expect everyone to foot the bill is just rude.

anyway, thats not very helpful for you, is it. there is a lot of pressure at the moment for people to have wild and wacky hen and stag dos that last weekends and involve going abroad and then they have another one when they come back for people who couldn't make the first! !!!!!!?!

the other suggestion about tapas is a good idea, or a chinese banquet.

i wouldn't bother with any tshirts as they are expensive and you can only wear a top saying "Becky's crazy Hen do 2007" on rare occasions!

rather than doing all the bunny ears and sashes and schoolgirl things you could do a simple theme were the ladies wear something they already have - like little black dresses (be the background band from Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love video), then people won't feel too put out in dressing up.

or its amazing what you can come up with from your own wardrobe - checked shirt (cowgirl), brown skirt (indian squaw).

if you do end up having something at your place you could insist that people bring some grub and booze to minimise costs.

Dan_Thunder

You need to explain to your cousin that as she's invited people to her hen night she can't expect them to not only pay for their accomodation, food, drink, costume etc but to also pay for her as well. She's supposed to be inviting people to celebrate her impending nuptials not to subsidise her purchase of Lambrella and dildos!

In terms of food maybe maybe you could go to an all you can eat buffet? That way people get plenty of choice of food and you don't end up with some people having cheaper options having to pay more because someone else had lobster. Alternatively, you could combine the Ann Summers thing with a big takeaway? If you get enough food and lay it out nicely it'll look fine plus it means that people can bring their own drink for this part and not have to pay city centre prices. Plus, it means that if older people don't want to go out round the town then they can at least stay for the 'party', the meal and a few drinks.

Maybe get a kissogram instead of a strippogram? I'm not sure how many people in their 50's would feel about seeing a fireman waggling his 'hose' around the place!

In terms of costumes you could do what a workmate of mine did. All the girls just wore yellow tops and deely-boppers whilst the bride had a bit more to her outfit as the 'Queen Bee'. This way most people only need a cheapo top whilst the bride can have a bit more splashed out on her outfit.

Sallys_Savings

Firstly good luck and hope you have a good evening
Secondly.... I wholeheartly go for what the other posters are saying...what a cheek!!..well that doesnt help you much..sorry.

Well...I'd go for a simple theme (like the idea of the queen bee).

There are cheap bits in pound land for brides to be too (i.e. tiara with veil and sashs).

Make up your own t shirts? Use photos/wording and print up your own.(printing paper works out about £1 a sheet from stationerys) Tesco value t shirts.

pinkshoes

Yikes! She sounds like a nightmare, and too young to be getting married! (As you get older, you know who your friends are and aren't... it's quite a young attitude to think so many people like you and will spend lots of money on a night out, when in reality they won't!).

Hen nights are getting more and more extravagant nowadays, so people (including the bride) pay for themselves! I organised my best mate's hen do, and as there were just 6 of us (she only wanted her best friends and close female family members there) we had a meal at a posh restaurant (set price - so no quibbles over who pays what!), went to see a London musical, then went to a cocktail bar.

I would 100% recommend a restaurant with either an all you can eat buffet, or a set price menu!! Tell everyone to wear a black dress, then you can buy those devil horns for £1.99 (Claire's Accessories I think). Could you not then just go to a bar that has reasonably priced drinks, and then a club, so everyone can spend what they want?!?!

RoxieW

me and 13 friends went to barcelona for my hen do - i organised most of it myself as i was particular about what i wanted to do (which it sounds like your cousin is too!) and my best friend organised a theme for a night. i was very grateful that people wanted to spend their money to come and celebrate with me and would never have dreamt of asking them to even pay for a drink for me!
my point is, if she's being fussy suggests that she organises it as she knows exactly what she wants to do. or explain to her that most of her list dont want to come as its too expensive etc - she'll find out anyway and it might persuade her to downscale her plans.
most importantly, dont skint yourself by forking out for her - she sounds like an ungrateful moo!

emjem_3

Eeek, does her intended put up with this attitude? Has he got lots of friends/having a big stag do? Is that why she feels she has to have an even bigger/better hen do?

There have been some excellent suggestions so far. I would opt out of having the Anne Summers do, not a good idea unless you are all comfortable in each others company. How would you fit all this in anyway? You would have to get the Rabbits out at about 1 O'Clock in the afternoon!

Stay close to home, that way if people have had enough they don't have too far to go.

I like the idea of Tapas (all mucking in together, very sociable) and try and pick a relevant theme...even if it is just cutting out pictures from a magazine and making them into badges for everyone to wear.

Are there any other bridemaids that can help? Or her mum?

She should definately pay her own way. It ends up costing a fortune to attend a wedding after you have paid out for hen do, wedding outfit, hotel, present etc.

Have a look at the celebrations/occaisions board too - they have some fantastic ideas for celebrating on a budget.

Well done for being a nice person and wanting to do the best for your (not quite so nice) cousin!

paddy's_mum

I'm afraid that I would probably opt for some curable but temporarily crippling illness that would very effectively prevent me from being the organiser or fall guy for this scenario.

Could you not 'break' your wrist or ankle? What about developing grumbling appendix? Anything that will get you out of the financial or fraught firing line.

iskc85860506

Sorry I just noticed that I posted the original question under my husbands user name (morgani). Sorry.
So this posting is from the original opening thread!!

Yes her partner does put up with her. They have only been together a year and have had a baby in that time aswell (planned, they had been together 3 weeks and they did ovulation test so that they could help her concieve)
And yes her husband to be is very popular he doesnt have loads of friends but the people he does know think the world of him. He is allways helping people, polite etc. So everyone is wanting to give money towards his stag do so that he can have a grate time and there are loads of people going.
Just to make it worse my husband is best man!! The groom and my husband a good mates.

Thank you for your comments they have been helpfull. I am going to say to her that she will have to pay her own way and that we will have to opt for somthing abit cheaper as not everyone can afford what she wants.

I think due to the age range going we should give the stripper a miss.

Its definatly a good idear to go for a meal somewhere with a set price. I am thinking probily chinese as everyone seems to like that. Then we can go to the clubs in town. that way if people want to buy a drink for her they can but they wont feel presured in to it.