Making savings before it's too late

PollyWollyDoodle

I really resent the attitude of 'you can afford it' - I can afford things because I've worked hard and been frugal!

My feeling would be that you shouldn't lend it because as Kittie says, you're just reinforcing poor behaviour.

If you feel that for the sake of peace, you have no option but to lend it, then view it as a gift and accept that you'll probably never see it again. If it's going to cause (entirely justifiable) resentment in future then that could be worse than the potential disharmony caused by refusing, so it depends if you can bring yourself to take that view. I'm not sure I could.

I love maryb's suggestion of lending it to the other family member and making them responsible for repayment!

moneyistooshorttomention

Blackcatsreturns wrote: »

Spendless - I'm also working through my toiletry stash. Interesting that I'm now happier when empty bottles leave the house rather than when new bottles enter the house.
I have a dilemma and would welcome views from the wise people here.
I've been asked to lend a relative some money. They need it to repair the vehicle that is the basis of their business. Without the repair they won't be able to work. They have already borrowed some money from another family member and have now asked me to lend them £500 to complete the repair.
I have previously lent them around £700 and they have repaid the princely sum of £20!
I can afford to lend them the money without causing me too much of a hardship and they know this.
I want to say no but I feel that if I do then they will not have any chance of working and earning any money. However, I'm not sure how long the repaired vehicle will last.
There are family dynamics here and ironically I will be thought badly of if I don't lend the money rather than the individual who is asking to borrow the money. They are very, very bad at managing their money. On one occasion I was aware that they had earned £50 for a days work and they went out that evening and spent £35 on a steak dinner.
I want to say no but the repercussions of doing so are tempting me to just say yes and very reluctantly wave goodbye to the money.
I'd really welcome any views.

Looked at as a dispassionate outside observer - I'd say "No".

If they were someone that was genuinely trying to manage their money well - but (through no fault of their own) weren't able to make very much = that would be one thing.

But people who think they can blow any money they can get and don't concern themselves to repay any money they borrow asap are a different kettle of fish and it's time they "grew up and grew a pair" and learnt some lessons about self-responsibility and that they personally are the ones that are going to "take the knocks" if they mismanage their money. As it is - it sounds like he's trying to outsource the "taking the knocks" part to anyone else he can think of and you are the "Current Mug at top of Queue" for that in his mind at present.

I'd say "no" instantly to him.

I know a lot of us have occasions where we borrow money off people we know personally - and I've done so a few times myself (woman borrowing from boyfriends) - but I've always paid it back promptly and they acknowledged how responsible I was being about doing so. So - that's a very different approach to borrowing and it doesn't sound like your brother has it...

They are going to keep doing this to you at intervals (ie treating you as a Money Tree) if you don't put your foot down now. Do you really want to be viewed as a Money Tree for the rest of your life?

Sayschezza

If it was one of my children I would give it as a gift because however bad they are with money I feel what's mine is theirs to a certain extent. Anyone else then the answer is no especially if they have closer family than yourself.

Blackcatsreturns

Thank you all so much. I shall mull over your views and suggestions which will help me immensely to make my decision. It's hard when there's no one to talk to in real life but actually in this instance the input from detached "strangers" is exactly what I need. I like to reflect on things so I shall sleep on it, let my unconscious brain do some processing and make a decision and then stick to it! Thank you all, I really do appreciate your help.

caronc

Blackcatsreturns wrote: »

Thank you all so much. I shall mull over your views and suggestions which will help me immensely to make my decision. It's hard when there's no one to talk to in real life but actually in this instance the input from detached "strangers" is exactly what I need. I like to reflect on things so I shall sleep on it, let my unconscious brain do some processing and make a decision and then stick to it! Thank you all, I really do appreciate your help.

Sounds like a plan, at the end of the day go with the decision you feel most comfortable with like lots of things in life there is no "correct" solution;).

April has been a spendy, spendy month but a nice we bonus of £25 cashback for switching utility suppliers via MSE that I had completely forgotten about. It has been swiftly moved to my mortgage overpayment savings account so it doesn't get lost in general spends:).

Spendless

Blackcatsreturns - The liklihood is that you will never see the money again and since this is the second time that you will have been asked and given there's a good chance you'd be asked a third time.

Can you help in another way? For example could you help them manage their money or signpost them to somewhere that could.

[Deleted User]

2011 we went through every drawer and cupboard in the house, after seeing a very scary tv programme re house and contents insurance. We ended up doubling contents and as we have a non-standard build, hubbie did the full survey ie drawings, tree distances, the lot. We ended up having very comrehensive insurance with a specialist provider. Naturally, cost was higher and luckily I have accounted for it but it is still a shock when the actual e mail arrives. So belt is now tightened, yes I was expecting it but want to pay this from my current account in 2 weeks time. No extra savings until afterwards

redmel1621

I've been lurking and will introduce myself properly and explain why I'm here but I just needed to chip in on your dilemma.

My husband and I have been together for 22yrs and for our first few years together we constantly borrowed money from relatives. We sometimes paid a small amount back, but often didn't. We would spend our own money going to the pub, playing snooker, on clothes or other treats and would then go cap-in-hand to family because we had no food or only had a quid left in the electric metre.
At first we were readily lent the money, but over time it became harder and harder to persuade people to 'loan' us anything.

Eventually we were completely cut off. We had to learn to prioritise what we did with our money and we had to manage. I can honestly say hand on heart that I wish it had happened years earlier. All anyone had done by continually 'helping' us out was allowed us to be rubbish with money.

It was a massive learning curve and we struggled immensely. We would moan about lack of help or how we had been abandoned by family, but it is honestly the best thing they could have done for us.

Since then (18/19yrs ago) we have maybe asked for a loan a handful of times and they know that it has been urgent/important and just as importantly, they knew they would get it back.

I am not saying don't lend them the money, after all this might be extremely important as it involves their ability to work and earn... but look at it from a distance. Is there any other way round it for them? Do they have kids (will the kids suffer)? Can they get a car/van on hp or get a loan from a bank... I know these are higher cost but it will mean they are standing on their own two feet and they will come to understand how to prioritise their money so that they have repair costs if needed instead of relying on other people to fix their vehicle so they can work. At the end of the day, if they require this vehicle in order to be able to earn money, then they need to factor this in as an essential cost and not spend £35 on steak dinners when they could have spent £10 and had a nice steak dinner at home, therefore saving the rest in case of vehicle repairs.

Sorry for the ramble and I hope I haven't overstepped the mark by jumping in here

[Deleted User]

welcome redmel and you are welcome to stay. Thank you for your honesty and personal experience, it has to help

My husband and I (I am now widowed 3 years) have always but always stood on our own two feet. We both had poor and struggling parents and we each had 6 siblings. It was always a daily feat for our parents to keep us all well fed, housed and clothed. They inspired us to have aspirations in life and to make our own way, which we did, had no choice and it started off with hand me down furniture when we got married. Life has been tough but hey what a learning curve that was and now life is very different but I look forward to a comfortable old age, all due to our own making and that is what standing on one`s own two feet means to me now

redmel1621

After jumping in with my opinions, I thought I better explain who I am and why I'm here.

I've been a member of MSE for quite some time and was firmly sitting on the oldstyle wagon. We had everything running smoothly and were managing perfectly well on a limited income. We weren't in debt, we weren't behind with bills and we could afford the occasional take away or meal out.

For the past couple of years we have had a quite substantial increase in income and with that we became stupid... We have got ourselves in a lot of debt and we have frittered away every penny on techy crap, phones, holidays and a new car.
My husband then came out of work at the end of last year, which had it's positives as well as it's negatives. Unfortunately my contract finished at the end of March and I wasn't able to secure a job for when it finished... so we are now struggling. In fact struggling is a complete understatement.

I spotted the post about going over spending for the past year and thought that was an excellent idea and something that I should definitely do. I know areas that can be quite easily fixed and some that may take a bit of time, but with perseverance it can be done. A quick fix will be completely stopping our quick trips to the local co op for things like marge £2 for 500g tub. Or the always on offer £1 bars of chocolate that mean we end up adding 2-3 pound on every time we go in there. Also stocking up on cans and bottle of drinks for the older kids to take to school/college, instead of giving them money to buy on the way or when they are there. Longer term we need to clear the 2 x catalogues, the 2 x hp items, the mobile phone contracts, the debts....

Once all these are cleared and we have our heads facing the direction of clarity and sanity again, we need to start thinking about saving. We are not getting any younger and the husband is mid 40s now with me being a nice amount of years behind, but still heading towards that 4 - 0. We have no life insurances, no pensions (well I will have mine building once I get back into work again) and we don't have wills (although have literally nothing to go in them) or any kind of plan for retirement. I want to be organised by the time I hit those aforementioned numbers.

We shop almost exclusively at Aldi, except for those pesky Co op trips, and I will continue to do that. Although we have been living hand to mouth lately and have only been able to afford a couple of days food at a time. Today will be our first big shop in the last couple of months. I think I am going to turn on our chest freezer again and fill it (as much as we can afford) from Farmfoods. I honestly don't know why we still go into the Co op these days; it is just a lazy habit from when we were earning big bucks and it didn't matter. We have an electric car, so it costs pretty much nothing to drive to town, park in the 15 minute bays and run in to Iceland/Farmfoods/Aldi for a couple of bits.

Anyway, I am going to go shopping now and then this afternoon I will sit down and try to make some kind of sense of our spending habits over the last year and what we can do to cut right back.

RM x