Single, six kids and going to be debt free!

Mumoffourkids

Drawingaline wrote: »

Wow, go you for keeping paperwork that long. I am trying to remember if I had a bank account with fees for a while. However it may have been while I was an employee of said bank so I got a discounted rate, so not sure that would apply.

Thanks, not sure why I kept paperwork from that long ago but I'm sure glad I did. I'm thinking I might find even more old paperwork up in the loft!

Seasidegal58 wrote: »

Congrats on the cheque for the bank fees. And it’s always worth going for as much ppi rebates as you can. My friend’s total has hit over the £10,000 mark!

Thanks, I don't think I will get that much back but every little bit I get back all helps.i believe I will find out on 23rd February how much was refunded in actual bank fees as that is when my credit report next updates. It might clear a bit of the debt that doesn't need to be repaid. If it clears enough and there is only a little bit leftist might repay the bit just to clear it, even though the bank aren't chasing the debt.

In other news, it looks like I am nearly completely on my own when it comes to looking after my kids. The oldest five's dad only sees them every three weeks from Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon and the youngest's dad is so unreliable I just can't trust him to look after her. He wouldn't do anything to hurt her intentionally but he just doesn't think. In addition I had an argument with his parents last weekend, partly my fault which I have admitted but partly theirs which they can't see. It all could have been avoided if they had just sent a quick message but they just didn't think about that. And the last thing is I can't even ask my dad for help with the kids anymore. Brace yourselves for a long story but it's all relevant.

When I lived in France, my dad told me he was getting married. The lady he was marrying was Irish and so most of her family lived in Ireland so they were going to get married in Ireland. Fair enough but when my dad first told me he also said he would pay for the ferry for us to get to Ireland. Wellness then changed his mind and said he didn't say that. It was too much for us to afford to go over there via ferry and pay for hotels as well as originally my dad had also said that we could stay with relatives or at his place out there. Well my soon to be step mum took offence and started really having a go at me and saying that I should have asked for help. I did ask but they they chose to ignore it. Things got better over the years and things have been fine between myself and my dad and step mum since I moved back to UK. Well the start of this year, my dad came to watch my eldest play rugby. He had just left and my step mum phones me, I assume it's to ask about !y dad so I say he has just left. She then proceeds to start saying it's all over between her and my dad and when I asked why, she just said I should know as I've been through a divorce. I must admit I wasn't that sympathetic as it was Sunday evening, I had to feed kids, bath them, iron school uniforms and get everything ready for school the next day. Eventually she rang off and I text my dad to ask if he was ok, but got no reply. So I didn't phone them for help when I was really struggling as I thought they have their own problems. So my birthday comes and goes and my dad doesn't bother to ring or message me on my birthday but my step mum phones the next evening and basically had a bit of a go at me for not asking them for help.they then say they are coming down the next weekend. When they get here she is already in a strop for some reason and gets all annoyed when the kids don't say hello to her. They had been discussing and had just decided what to do to help me without asking me what I would like help with. This did annoy me a bit and I was going to speak to my dad. Anyway the rest of the weekend was fine, I asked about them possibly having the kids Sunday 18th February because my eldest has rugby trials and I wanted to go and watch her. They both said yes but my step mum mentioned that her friends were supposed to be coming down that weekend but not to worry as she would postpone them. So I think everything is ok. My step mum phones up and says yes all ok for that weekend but she won't cancel her plans again and really made me feel bad. She then started going on about feeling rejected and that my dad would see me by myself from now on. Well I didn't know what to say to that. So fast forward to yesterday and I get a phone call again from my step mum asking what time I was coming next weekend but then saying she was going out and wouldn't be there. She was really off with me and I said to my dad but he obviously couldn't talk. So then last night I start getting messages from her saying it's all over between her and my dad and that I can have him back. I ignored her as I can't be dealing with it at the moment. She just doesn't give up.so I text my dad this morning and say I won't be bringing the kids next weekend as I don't want to make things worse. My dad is fine but she just keeps going on at me. She says she wants me to leave her alone but then she messages me again.she twists everything I say and tells me my kids are lying to me.

So I guess I am on my own. I think I knew that anyway but it's nice to have a break sometimes.

Sorry for such a long post, I just wanted to get it out of my system!

Mumoffourkids

So today I have just transferred another £26 to my rugby tour fund. So that is £76 in total saved this week out of my general weekly spending of petrol, food, pocket money and general spending money. The total is £250 a week but I have over budgeted just in case. I have £100 a week for food, £60 a week for petrol, £20 a week for pocket money for the four eldest kids and £70 a week general spending. This general spending has to cover any trips out with the kids, any takeaways, any school expenses, any little things I want to buy. I hardly ever use the total each week but it is good to have as a back up. The kids always seem to have something to pay for at school and I wasn't budgeting for it before but now I am and I feel more in control.

Tomorrow starts a new week of budgeting so I will update my signature in a minute to see how far I have come. Not much has come off the debt yet this month, but my debt repayments normally come out of my wages which is this week, and out of any extra bits I can make.

f0xh0les

Oh dear! I have Irish parents and my in-laws have lived over there for 35 years - there is a point to this - I swear 98% of their problems are caused by talking to everyone else about the problem they are having with someone, but never telling the actual person that they have a problem with and then blaming other people for airing their dirty laundry if you try and help. It is totally insane. They will whine and moan and carry on, but never do the face to face thing. Then will deny all knowledge and you are just 'pot'-stirring if you say anything.

I cut myself off from my parents 25 years ago - there is absolutely nothing sad about it. Some people are so toxic it is a wonderful relief just to know they are out of the picture and you will never have to bother with their home made nonsense ever again. You don't have to go that far.

You love your dad, and that is great. Keep him then. but there is no rule that says you have to like your dad's partner. Try and turn up on time, and when you go in, tell her you know she is busy so you won't keep her. Or even better, meet your dad somewhere half way between you, so the driving is halved and if there is a large park/lake/adventure playground/ forest/ beach or just a cafe, then it is a bonus. She sounds like she has issues of her own and is trying to dump them on you. Then if you can't solve them it is your fault (I mean you cope with EVERYTHING else, right? Shove another thing on your plate).

Sorry if this offends any Irish people, I hope this does not cause offense. Just my take on the situation I grew up in and was surrounded by and permanently bemused by.

Mumoffourkids

f0xh0les wrote: »

Oh dear! I have Irish parents and my in-laws have lived over there for 35 years - there is a point to this - I swear 98% of their problems are caused by talking to everyone else about the problem they are having with someone, but never telling the actual person that they have a problem with and then blaming other people for airing their dirty laundry if you try and help. It is totally insane. They will whine and moan and carry on, but never do the face to face thing. Then will deny all knowledge and you are just 'pot'-stirring if you say anything.

I cut myself off from my parents 25 years ago - there is absolutely nothing sad about it. Some people are so toxic it is a wonderful relief just to know they are out of the picture and you will never have to bother with their home made nonsense ever again. You don't have to go that far.

You love your dad, and that is great. Keep him then. but there is no rule that says you have to like your dad's partner. Try and turn up on time, and when you go in, tell her you know she is busy so you won't keep her. Or even better, meet your dad somewhere half way between you, so the driving is halved and if there is a large park/lake/adventure playground/ forest/ beach or just a cafe, then it is a bonus. She sounds like she has issues of her own and is trying to dump them on you. Then if you can't solve them it is your fault (I mean you cope with EVERYTHING else, right? Shove another thing on your plate).

Sorry if this offends any Irish people, I hope this does not cause offense. Just my take on the situation I grew up in and was surrounded by and permanently bemused by.

Thanks foxholes for your comment. I have told my dad that I will keep in contact with him and he knows that he is always welcome here. I have room for him to stay and he knows that. I think part of my step mum's problem is when I don't reply to her messages. She then just keeps going. My dad understands and I have explained to him what I have going on at the moment so I am hoping he understands why I am not going to see him at the weekend. I don't want to make things worse between him and his wife.

I have already cut my mum out of my life as she spent most of her time commenting on how hard I was making my life instead of asking how she could help. There have been other issues over the years but that was the last straw.

God that makes me sound like it is me that has the problem! I seem to have arguments with everyone! It's not really, I am just fiercely independent and feel like I have got myself into this message. I will also do anything to protect my children!

f0xh0les

Well if your problems can be summed up as getting yourself out of the mess yourself, and loving and protecting your kids, you are obviously a terrible human being. Shame on you. How do you live with yourself? And without a big strong man to make it better! Shameless hussy!

You are doing great.

System

Hi mum of four now six.

I read your diary on a regular basis , I think you are a wonderful parent , you seem to look after them singlehanded anyhow.

Does your stepmum not realise how many balls you juggle in one day , I would imagine replying to text messages is at the bottom of your list unless they are off your children. It must be a comfort to your dad to know that he can come to stay with you if needed.

I would just carry on as you are, maybe next time the children go to their dads could someone look after the youngest for you so you get a little time on your own ?

Keep in going because it's looks like you will be debt free very soon and that is something to be proud of.

The saying we can choose our friends and not our family is never truer.

charlies_tribe

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone right now. I know the feeling well. I haven't seen my mum in 2 years, she lives less than 2 miles away! I see my dad probably twice a year, he's about 10 miles away. I have DH but there is no one else we could ask to have the children for us. The little one's don't know who most family members are and my uncle walked straight past DD1 the other day as didn't recognise her.

I just try to let my children know that the door will alway's be open for them no matter what and that i will do anything i can to help them (although i may regret that with DD1 as she's planning on bringing all her washing, while she eats her dinner here, before going back to her own place, LOL).

f0xh0les

I can't really complain about my m-i-l, she did offer to babysit once ( my eldest is 16 this year:rotfl: )

JoJoC

Sorry you're having such a rotten time of it - I hope you manage to find a solution on the family front that cuts out all the drama but means you can still have a good relationship with your dad. You don't need that kind of grief in your life!

Mumoffourkids

Thanks everyone for your comments. It means so much to me that people are either in the same situation or know what it feels like.

It does feel like I am getting my life in order just by being on here and posting on my diary. I am feeling more in control and my house is slowly getting sorted out a little at a time. My loft is almost sorted with only a few bags and about three boxes to sort. The garage is slowly getting there and the kids rooms are sort of ok. I think just one more storage unit in the girls room and that should clear away a lot of the rest of the stuff. Then to attach the garage completely as I think there is probably quite a lot of stuff that can either be sold or can go to charity or be chucked in there. Then I should have a clearer garage!

In money saving news, my daughter has baked some chocolate and cream whoopie pies and is making more fudge later. I am off to the bank to pay in my cheque, then to cash 4 clothes to sell more bits. I'll time this with picking up my eldest from work as it is all in the same town. I have two items on eBay, one has a bid already and I only put it on last night. I have two people interested in bits I put on FB and I still have a load of bits to list so that will be the job for the next hour or so. I am determined to clear this house as well as my debts!