Can a relationship work without chemistry?

System

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Isn't this "spark" just another word for good, old-fashioned, lust?

Physical attraction/lust yes but it has to be more than that..a mental and physical attraction. Well i think that anyway.

Ive only felt that once.

Gloomendoom

Judi wrote: »

Physical attraction/lust yes but it has to be more than that..a mental and physical attraction. Well i think that anyway.

Ive only felt that once.

From what (s)he has said, I think the OP has just fallen out of lust.

onomatopoeia99

A romantic relationship can work without desire, asexual people have relationships with people that aren't asexual, but it needs both people to understand it.

It sounds like that isn't you though. The question is whether or not it will work for you - do you believe you can spend your life with someone you love, but don't want to make love to? Will that fulfill you? And what does your girlfriend think about this?

svain

Im guessing the spark/chemistry OP is referring to is the physical side. Humour and personality chemistry are both equally as important. Sex is probably the easier one to work on if the other two are there

Ozzuk

As above (onomatopoeia99), it doesn't really matter what we say or think, we're not in your relationship. Talk to your partner, it won't be a fun conversation but if you are to stay together you should be open about how you feel rather than subject her to a relationship built on a lie. I'd try and find a positive angle - companionship, love etc but at least give her the choice to be in the relationship on the right terms - or the freedom to be with someone who does feel 'the spark'. Good luck!

sheramber

It sounds like the gilt has worn off the gingerbread.

I f you are looking for more from the relationship then it won't work as you will always be looking for something else.

If you are both happy with what you have then it will work.

A friend of mine eventually left an abusive marriage as he could not take the violent outbursts any longer.

He found someone else.

He admitted that the had never felt the way he did about this new person with his ex wife and now reaised he had never loved her.

He had been married for over 20 years without realising that.

suejb2

Let her know, she may not want to live as room mates.

hazyjo

Gloomendoom wrote: »

What about his?

Why would they run off with the postman?

Feel a bit guilty discussing my mate's sex life(!) but tbh he doesn't have much of a sex-drive and can't ejaculate (kids were donor babies). It all just seemed to fizzle out over the years.


Not literally the postman - was a pee-take - but I've known her well for 36-ish years. She had some wild years in her teens and 20s and I know she's not in a happy and loving relationship. She has said she'd not cope without him. She's acting older than her years in many ways. I think she'll flip and do something completely crazy sooner or later (as she was prone to in the past).

Robisere

No. But think about it this way:

Did you make love when you slept together, or did you just have sex?

If the answer is that it was just sex, no matter how satisfying that was, then it's time to be honest. Don't be squeamish, but do be sensitive.

Gloomendoom

hazyjo wrote: »

Feel a bit guilty discussing my mate's sex life(!) but tbh he doesn't have much of a sex-drive and can't ejaculate (kids were donor babies). It all just seemed to fizzle out over the years.

Sorry I asked!

Not literally the postman - was a pee-take - but I've known her well for 36-ish years. She had some wild years in her teens and 20s and I know she's not in a happy and loving relationship. She has said she'd not cope without him. She's acting older than her years in many ways. I think she'll flip and do something completely crazy sooner or later (as she was prone to in the past).

Thanks for clearing that up. I thought you meant that the children would run off with the postman when they grew up.