newbie,need advice please

loobyx

Hi everybody, i was hoping that some of you helpful people could give me some advice.

I am a stay at home mum (not through choice ) and i have two daughters. my partner works 42 hours a week on a low income. I cannot go back to work until next summer when my youngest starts school. we cannot afford childcare and we do not get any help financially because my partners wage is on the borderline for childcare tax credit.

My problem is how to bring more money in the household, we were basically living off my partners cc by the time we had paid all the bills, thankfully i have a great family who loaned us the money to pay most of the cc off and we now pay them the same amount each month back but without the interest. Most off my partners wage goes on general bills and when it comes to birthdays, clothes and stuff the kids need we have to use the cc. we still have one cc that we have left open for emergencies but i am using it already on winter clothes for the kids, can't have them freezing:D . I think at the end of the day i feel i do not contribute enough to the family, i have been on anti- depressants for two years and seeing a cpn who seems to think that my situation financially and how i feel personally has a lot to do with my illness. we are recieving any benefits we are entitled to and a have shopped around for the cheapest utilities, i also buy all my food from lidls but i don't know what else to do. all my kids pals at school have been to florida and such for their holidays and i feel so bad not being able to give them more. I have sold things on ebay and continue to do so but i just feel that i am not doing enough for my family even though my partner and parents tell me i don't have a choice at the moment and i am doing a great job i still feel i a not pulling my weight. All this debt we are in is my fault trying to give my kids a better life. please tell me how i can earn some money.

thanks in advance, sorry it took so long and if i have posted in the wrong place please tell me

immoral_angeluk

We're in the same boat so you have my sympathies. Firstly are you claiming everything that you should be and getting the right amount? Check out www.entitledto.co.uk to see if you should be getting more.
Also I know what you mean about the childcare.. I know it's not an easy thing to do but would an evening or weekend job to fit in around your husbands work an option? It'll get you out of the house, make you feel better in yourself and earn you some money. It should effect your tax credits etc unless you work over 16hours I think but it's worth looking. You can use that link I gave you to put in different situations and see what you'd get.

Well done for having the courage to post and please accept a big hug from me as a welcome to MSE :grouphug:

liz105

why not post an SOA so we can see if there are any other cut backs to be made.

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi Loobyx same here!!! ran up debts after having my daughter & giving up work, ended up adding debts to my morgage & then having so little money left over running more debt up, really due to the fact we had no childcare help & too expensive to pay for childcare if I worked, I later had a son, he has just started school, but now I have the problem that my husband works away so would only be able to work school hours & jobs like that are hard to find.
I too sold things on Ebay, but also did carboots every now & again when my husband was home weekends, clears the house a bit & gives you a break from the children & a few quid. Other things you can do are surveys, I don't know how old your children are, but i used to do nappy trials, ask around the other mums at preschool, there's usually someone who knows of a trial.
Lastly, I went to Florida too, but most of the holiday was paid for on credit cards & money I got for being mis-sold an endowment, which should have gone towards debt!! they are probably all in debt too, you won't be the only one.
I know you don't contribute financially to the home, but I'm sure you are doing a great job in raising your girls, hope all works out for you, you will get great advice from this site.

loobyx

Oh what a great bunch of people you are. I was sitting here getting upset typing my the thread and now after only three posts i feel better already. Even just the fact that i know that i am not alone in my situation makes me feel loads better.

My partner sometimes gets the opportunity to work late so night time work at the moment, i am afraid is not an option, he would earn more than me on overtime. weekend work is defo an option, oh plays footy on a sat but he would just have to give it up for a bit, i think money problems are a bit more important than kicking a ball about. Knowing him he would try and get the girls watched for a couple of hours by his mum which i really don't want to happen as they really don't like going to her house. I know it sounds bad but she gives them no attention and they get really upset when they go( they are 7 and 3) and i would not be able to relax at work if i was worried about them. Oh why is it so hard, i really want and need to go back to work but nobody will help me, i worked for 12 years full time straight out of school, paid tax and nat ins and now that i need a little help i am getting nothing back.:mad:

kizzykizzywizzy

It will be great if you can get your husband onboard, & I'm sure before long one of the more financially astute Mser's will ask you to post your statement of affairs (SOA) I know you think you have got everything down to the minimum, but you will be surprised what they can save you.
I understand how you feel about no help after working & contributing for all that time, I also worked fulltime from leaving school, & I know it makes you feel a lesser person when you say you are a stay at home mum, but you need to get out of that mindframe & realise you are worth so much, think of all the childcare costs you are saving & what a great start you are giving your children, this won't be forever. Perhaps, like me you could (if you don't already ) help out at the school,it's difficult with the younger one, but I often took my son along when I helped with certain things, it's a good way of getting to know the teachers & the school secretary, I've put my name down for any dinner lady vacancies & they know me now, so possibly that will stand in my favour. Going to go to bed now, as my children don't understand the words lie in!!! Hope you are feeling a bit better though:D

anniecave

I would say try and keep smiling. If you're looking after young children then that's a full time job at the moment!
As for holidays abroad, you say all the other kids are going for expensive holidays, but that's probably an exaggeration. You probably notice that more than the children do anyway, I was never bothered when I was a child that my parents didn't take us on expensive holidays, so don't feel guilty about what you can't change.
For clothes, are there any charity shops around? Sometimes they are good for a bargain. Not always, but sometimes worth a look. We used to get some hand-me-down clothes from our cousins, who were a bit older than us. Might be worth asking around in your family, or asking others to keep an eye out for you.
Have you thought about doing any college courses? If you could gain some new skills it would help your self confidence. It might not be possible for you now but there are sometimes free creche places available.

JoeHel

loobyx, if you have some spare time on the computer, try doing competitions. There is a forum section here full of them. I was doing about 3 hours per night last year of entering comps and managed to win loads of stuff. It can be quite profitable but obviously there's a lot of luck involved!

Tustastic

Hi Looby, you have come to the right place for support and advice. Sorry to hear that you are not fully well at the moment but well done for continuing to function as a mum even if you think you are not.
If you go over to the Freebies board, you will find lots of information about joining paid survey sites. There are also sites like www.pigsback.co.uk where you can earn points for clicks without paying anything at all. You exchange them for vouchers such as Boots, Kingfisher etc which will certainly help in small ways. You can also sign up to cashback sites listed on the Freebies board and earn money through free trials - as long as you remember to cancel them.
Look for posts by DFWers Chevalier and Eagerlearner - they have loads of info on the above.
It won't make you debt free but it will help here and there.
Good luck and keep posting.

loobyx

Hi anniecave, I forgot to say that i have done college courses and i got free childcare because at the time i did it my oh was on a lower income, i am still waiting on my certificates coming through( i finished them last xmas) i have also completed a few local courses, more for the fact that i felt that i was doing something than needing the qualifications. i just feel a bit lost at the moment. I feel a bit guilty for wanting my youngest to grow up quicker and go to school but i feel that it has been nearly eight years since i last "worked". I think it has a lot to do with society today that makes you feel that you are unimportant unless you are earning a fab wage, speaking from experience nobody really thinks you have anything interesting to say if you don't work and don't really want to listen to you talking about your kids all the time, or maybe thats just me.:D

Mollymop5

Hi Loobyx,
have you thought about becoming a childminder? this means you could work from home, have your children wih you and earn money.You don't need to take on a housefull of children.I know childminders that either just have 1 extra child during the day or an extra one before and after school.It's not a fortune but can bring in that little bit extra and if you're going to school with your older child anyway it's not too much disruption.