Debt crisis - moral support needed!

sharon2510

Hi,

I have only just registered with this forum and I am hoping to find some solace by chatting to people who are in the same boat.

My husband and I have debts of £27,000 and I am disgusted with myself for letting this happen. I am trying not to blame my husband as it would be very damaging to our relationship but the fact remains that he is useless with money and more than 50% responsible for our situation.

I became aware of our spiralling debts almost three years ago. I had bought an apartment in Turkey with my inheritance as an investment because we cannot afford a property in the UK. A few months later I had a baby and started to work part-time. After reviewing our finances i was shocked at the amount of debt on my husbands credit cards. This was on top of a long standing personal loan with Barclays. We consolidated our debts with a new loan from Barclays and ever since I have been desperately trying to stay on top of the repayments. However, unexpected costs, the rising cost of living, my reduced income, the costs of maintaining the apartment in Turkey and my husbands continued difficulty in sticking to a budget have made this an impossible task.

I have now had my second baby and I am receiving statutory maternity pay. For a number of reasons I am unable to return to work for the time being. There is no way we can now meet our debt repayments. Even if my income was not dropping I would have to accept that our debt is spiralling out of control. My apartment in Turkey has been on the market for 3 years and I have dropped the price several times to no avail.

I contacted the CCCS a few months ago and they suggested contacting my creditors and asking that the repayments be put on hold for 6 months (in the hope that my property would sell in the meantime). We decided to try and cope for a few more months before taking this course of action, but our debts have just increased in this time.

I am now wondering if bankruptcy is the only way out. If my husband were to declare Bankruptcy (the debts are in his name) would the creditors look to seize my assets? The apartment is mine alone, my husband has not contributed towards it. I am so desperate to resolve the situation that I would even consider losing my apartment. In theory it is worth £60,000 but I can't even sell it for £45,000. The apartment costs me over £100 a month which I can ill afford.

Any thoughts anybody?

JoeHel

Sharon, you are in the right place!! The first thing I'd say is don't get sidetracked and waste time thinking whose fault it all is - you and your husband now both know the situation and can work at putting it right together.

You're next step is get hold of your bank statements and debt statements and write a SOA (statement of account). List your income and all your outgoings. There are lots of fantastic people on here who can spot overspends a mile off and will be able to tell you straight away where you can cut costs and hopefully free some cash up to pay off those debts.

sharon2510

Thanks Joe,

Whilst I have been waiting for replies i have been reading about other people's situations and it is inspiring to see that there are others in the same situation who are being so positive about getting out of debt.

Just out of interest, how do you intend to win £7000?!

In_Search_Of_Me

JUst wanted to say welcome & send a hug! As OP said do an SOA and people can help cut things down. Re the winning money I suspect this is on matched betteing (thread on here) but I would suggest that for now you focus on sorting this initial stuff out (MB is complex!). Your OH really needs to get on board orthis culd have serious implications for your relationship...nothing worse tan slogging your guts out while OH goes shopping! Would he agree to just pocket money? I suggest you both do a spending diary to see exactly where your money goes each month - spendingdiary.com does an online one but an old notebook does just as well!
Big hugs for you!

Scarlett.1974

Hi Sharon and welcome :hello:

Definitely post your SOA as soon as you can and all the clever people will be along to help you, I promise.

You've come to the right place, you are not alone. This place has literally been a life saver for me this week. I couldn't do it without the people here with their fab advice and never ending support.

:grouphug:

dsljfreeman

Hi Sharon,

Welcome to MSE, I have found this site to be a lifesaver, as you can see in my sig, we have a lot of debt, I blame myself as I control the financial side and I've let it get out of control, but hubby has said that it's not ALL my fault, we are both to blame and we will both work to get ourselves out of it. Like Joehel said, please don't waste time and energy placing the blame, just work together to deal with it.

In my situation, my hubby is useless at the money aspect so thats why I deal with everything, he does not possess a bank card and if he needs something he asks me first, he's quite happy to do this and it works better for us both.

Like the others have said, post a soa, then we can help you cut back xx

JoeHel

Sharon, I do lots of competitions! I have no idea what matched betting is?

Last year I managed to win about £21k worth of stuff including a car worth £15k! I sold it for £10.5k and paid some debts off but then just ran the cards back up again I'm getting back into the comping now and am determined to get back that winning streak and hopefully get these debts down for good this time.

PS - in my experience there's usually one of the couple who holds the purse strings and buys stuff, but the other rarely complains about the amount of food or purchases there are, and is quite happy with the meals out and all that... It might come as an initial shock how much is on the credit cards, but deep down they know the money's been coming from somewhere! There's no point apportioning blame. They key is stick together and work at getting rid of it. It can only bring a couple closer - achieving that together!

sharon2510

Thank you so much everybody. I feel so much better already! I am really excited at the prospect of paying of my debt with the help of this site and other people in a similar position. Watch out for my SOE!

In_Search_Of_Me

Thats the spirit! YOu can do it - not sure how ut post your SOA & people can make suggestions. How is Oh doing in the "getting it"/lightbulb stakes?!

sharon2510

I think it is gradually dawning on my hubby that we cannot continue to spend in the same way without dire consequences. In the past he has given me his debit and credit cards and he is happy for me to take complete control of the finances. His brain unfortunately goes out of the window when he goes to the pub. However, he is in court on Tuesday for drink-driving and I think this has been a major wake up call for him. I am hoping that things can only get better!

JoeHel

Well then I think the driving expenses may go down for a little while...

I admit I am the "spender" in my relationship but I've overcome it by destroying my credit cards, working out a full SOA of what our payments are and what is going to pay off the debts and then figuring out what is left to play with. I don't have ANY cards in my purse - just my weekly cash allowance. If your hubby had the same, he would know what he's got to spend per week and that is that. It's harsh, but it works. If you use the snowball calculator to work out how quickly you can pay things off, then type in an extra £50 or £100 (which I used to fritter away every week!) you see what a difference every £1 makes. I thought it would be a nightmare but I'm actually really enjoying the challenge.

We have a weekend break that I won still to take but we need our passports renewing. I didn't budget for it, so I set myself the task to "find" that money this weekend. I've been bagging up a holdall of change we had under the bed and I've got £148 ready to pay into my account. That's the passports sorted and I'm so chuffed I've "found" the money to do it without affecting my budget!!! :j