How to tell 5 yrs old grandkids about grandad passing?

loulou41

It is such a sad subject anybody wants to share their experience about telling grandkids about grandad passing in language they understand. He has has been told he has been sick and he died. I am not sure whether he understood he is just 5 yrs. He said he will not see granddad any more and daddy has not got a dad forever. He seems to be clinging to his dad and recently he has been asking what happened to granddad. The funeral at the crematorium will be in two weeks.

thorsoak

My five-year old's take when her beloved Gramps (my OH died): "Cassy is too sad to talk about it, but we know that Gramps was ill, and went to hospital, but the doctors there couldn't make him better so now he's gone to heaven for God to make him better. And heaven is like Disneyland - and now Gramps doesn't have to queue for the best rides - and Gramps loved all the rides". I was told this, in a very matter of fact way when I was driving the two of them home from a little outing, a couple of weeks after the funeral (which they both attended, and which they wanted to attend).

How I managed to drive home through my tears, I just don't know.

Margot123

At that age, they are very matter-of-fact about things. It is a good age to be straight-talking with a child. They lack the emotional attachments older children have, and can understand when something/someone is gone, they are gone forever.
They will concoct their own little tales around where the deceased has actually gone but that is to help them understand it.
Sadly, one relative told their small child that 'Grandad was waiting for them in a better place', and this led to some awful imaginations of the deceased waiting in the park, at the seaside, etc. The poor child was forever anticipating Grandad turning up at such places.

anmarj

We told our four year old son recently about his granny, whom he was close too. We kept is simple. He knew granny had been in hospital prior to her death. We just said that doctors had tried to do everything to help granny, but she became an angel and went to be with grandpa. He had a good cry with daddy, he said the following day "did the doctors really do everything to save granny" but he has been fine since. He got a bit upset at the mention of the funeral, but we sent him to school as normal, and just explained we will do something possibly at his aunties house to celebrate granny, to which he replied "my brain is celebrating granny". He has been fine with that.

Moogles44

Thinking of you at this sad time. You have to say what you believe I think. For me I say they are just sleeping for now but one day she will wake up and they will see them again all better and healthy and throughout their lives keep that person alive e.g “ nana will probably make you lovely cakes when she sees you as that’s what she liked to do” . I get them to think of things they would like to do with them when they see them again as they will be able to keep up with them as they will be well and young again! Say what you believe .

I think communication is most important. Do stuff together, like make cakes or play games so that they can unwind and tell you their worries and thoughts.

For my child a shock death came out 10 years later . My child was jumping around at age 4 happily telling people my loved one had died and I thought she was too young to be affected badly but with severed OCD and panic attacks 8-10 years later it all came out in tears saying how much it had affected her. She’s happy and balanced now about it all and in herself but all you can do is always try to listen and spend quality time with them so they will open up. For her sibling he accepted it without these problems and is a balanced adult and not messed up at all.

She had a little counselling at school and there are books that help. Hope it goes ok x

Trina90

My dad passed away in September after a long battle with Cancer. I don't have children yet but I have a 5 year old Niece, a 2 year old Niece, and a 2 year old Nephew.

They all knew their Grandad was poorly and that he was going to die (without actually knowing what that meant), they were told he would be going to Heaven and that we wouldn't see him anymore.

My two year old Niece, kept saying "don't worry, we can go up in an aeroplane and get Grandad back down". When my dad actually passed it was tough with kids being around, as obviously we tried to 'carry on as normal' for the children. I think they got a little confused when we were all crying.

Two months on, the only child who seems to have said anything since about my Dad is my 2 year old Niece, who told my Mum that she missed Grandad.

Really sorry for your loss.

Trina90

We found a leaflet at the Funeral Directors that aimed to help explain death to children - perhaps you could find a book or leaflet like this.

Valli

Just remember NEVER tell a child that a deceased person has 'gone to sleep'...that's often too much for younger children to rationalise.

Margot123

Trina90 wrote: »

We found a leaflet at the Funeral Directors that aimed to help explain death to children - perhaps you could find a book or leaflet like this.

Most Funeral Directors will be happy to supply a copy, even if you or family aren't/weren't clients of theirs.

Ganga

thorsoak wrote: »

My five-year old's take when her beloved Gramps (my OH died): "Cassy is too sad to talk about it, but we know that Gramps was ill, and went to hospital, but the doctors there couldn't make him better so now he's gone to heaven for God to make him better. And heaven is like Disneyland - and now Gramps doesn't have to queue for the best rides - and Gramps loved all the rides". I was told this, in a very matter of fact way when I was driving the two of them home from a little outing, a couple of weeks after the funeral (which they both attended, and which they wanted to attend).

How I managed to drive home through my tears, I just don't know.

I know how you feel,i cried when i read your post,sorry for your loss.:(

jackieblack

Valli wrote: »

Just remember NEVER tell a child that a deceased person has 'gone to sleep'...

I was going to say the same.
I know a child that was told this and they were terrified every night for years that anytime they, or anyone, went to sleep that they'd never wake up again- it seriously affected them for many years afterwards