What would you do

*max*

But what is it they FEEL you've done, to cast you out this way?

K789

Good question, I don't know

ukwmo

More about setting the record straight with the manipulator & your family at this point. And if the family then see things differently, you and they can both reach out & try to reconcile.

But before you can do that you'll need to know what's been said by whom to whom. Maybe even try to figure out why the manipulative person is behaving in such a way, why the family instinctively believe them and not you, you being a good person with high morals like you say.

If you feel so strongly on the subject, that you shouldn't have to explain yourself or take the initiative to correct the record and attempt to reconcile then take your own advice, hold your head high, stay classy and just walk.

dekaspace

Can't offer advice as much as say something similar happened to me, one of my aunts used to be on the phone to my mum all the time with various issues (my cousin was a junkie for 30 years) he was on trial a few times and one time was serious and my aunt was on the phone 10 hours straight to my mum.

Then my brother split with his fiance and was having custody problems and my aunt made it worse by telling social work my family was benefit scum, and my brother was a bad dad, we did find out years later my aunt was bi polar but she never apologised for her actions which cost my brother custody of his child, in fact she wanted an apology from everyone on my side of family, including my brother and me who kept out of the argument.

Growing up my mum always sent them christmas and birthday cards without fail and in 10 years only had 2 back both times when my dad contacted them by phone to say my mum was upset she never got any back, both times arriving 2 weeks late with the excuse of "christmas post" despite the poststamp on card being a day or two before.

Even the "nice" side of my family i.e the other aunt and cousins have never invited my side to weddings, one excuse was they knew we were poor so couldn't afford it, another was they didn't know us well enough despite being penpals with the younger cousin for years, going to visit them 3 times when I was a kid, again my mum writing them birthday and christmas cards, and we spoke often on the phone for years!

And heres the kicker, they didn't invite us but invited their parents cousins whom they had never met or spoken to before more likely as they lived nearer to them and had more money.

Sorry sorry I always write a essay on my own backstory but point is some people just don't care or think about anyone but themselves.

badmemory

Those of us who live "normal" lives are never ever going to win in this sort of situation, because frankly we aren't equiped to. We have expectations. We expect people to behave (fairly) logically. We expect that if we make absolutely no attempt at all to hurt someone then they would also feel no need to make any attempt to hurt us.

The only way out is to decide that you are not going to let the damaging relationships continue to damage your otherwise healthy relationships. As it happens no-one ever said life was going to be easy, but there is also no reason to stand there and say I must be a nasty person so please keep throwing rotten eggs at me.

The best & probably most difficult decision would be to just walk away. Let them get on with it. If you show you don't care then whoever it is will need to move on to their next victim. So treat this as a game, have you figured out who the next victim will be yet?

chesky

You specifically said that your parents weren't included in the family you are talking about. Does this mean they get on well with you and attended the occasion? If so, what is their opinion of the situation?

K789

Yes my parents have been showing a lot of love and are in love with the baby

hollydays

You say you had difficult few years. What were the difficulties.

LilElvis

K789 wrote: »

Yes my parents have been showing a lot of love and are in love with the baby

So why aren't your parents doing something to heal this rift in your family? After all those who are shunning you are their other children and grandchildren and their own siblings. If they can see this situation is upsetting you why aren't they doing something to set the record straight?

Red-Squirrel_2

Have to say, I don’t think anyone can give you any useful advice unless you tell us the actual situation.