Divorce - Custody and finance issues

findingmyownway

Toots wrote: »

Her son is not 5 until 21st of this month and her hubby had actually forgotten until she mentioned a party she was organising for him locally. He has had him for at least part of the last 3 weekends and he said he wants him on his birthday as he wants to do something else on the Saturady (day before). She has said he can have him on the Saturday and bring him back Sunday morning so that he can get ready for the party.

So they are capable of compromise then? Or has this not yet been agreed?

She'll probably tell hubby he can go (as she did on her daughter's) but he's a gutless wonder who is terrified because he thinks she has told all the other mothers his 'personal busness' (the fact that he's had an affair for years and got another child).

Surely the person who's party it is is the one who decides who 'can' and 'can't' go? I'm sure both the kids would be very pleased to have both parents make an effort to be civil at birthday party -once a year, in front of all their friends - its not much to ask!!!

Her hubby is just paranoid - but if he turns up and I'm there I'll make sure I give him a frosty reception to mak him think he's not being paranoid

Hmmm, because thats a brilliant way to help the kids enjoy their party isn't it?

Christmas is also difficult as she normally works either Christmas night or boxing night. They normally go to one set of parent for brekkie and to the other for lunch but this year she wants the children to just stay at home and be together the whole day. She is determined about that. Hopefully something may be sorted by then - otherwise I'll tell her to keep her key in the front door as he has a habit of just letting himself in.

Children stay at home all day, yes great idea. But to exclude the Dad would be appalling behaviour. This guy WANTS to see his children and maintain a strong relationship with them. Why would any mother want to deny her kids that right? If she can't welcome him into her home on xmas day to see the children then its a crying shame. I wouldn't blame him for being awkward too and demanding them for half the day etc

I really don't mean to sound harsh. But if your 'friend' could take a step back and realise that by arguing and being deliberatly awkward with the ex, she's not punishing him half as much as she is punishing her children.

vaio

Kimitatsu wrote: »

Everyone has the right to open an ISA - children have a tax free allowance too, so in thoery she could open an ISA in one of the childrens name (or all of them if she wanted) and that money would be in their names.

Because PEP's are now defunct the only way he can do anything with it is to close it and open another tax free savings product now. If he does that then the money is still his and so she has a claim to it.

With the house if he gives the house away to a relative by transferring the equity to someone else it is still taken into account as his, because he is just doing it to try to hide his assets………..

It doesn’t matter what the investment vehicle is, any renaming of assets (by either party) could well be regarded as an attempt to hide them

hobo28

findingmyownway wrote: »

Children stay at home all day, yes great idea. But to exclude the Dad would be appalling behaviour. This guy WANTS to see his children and maintain a strong relationship with them. Why would any mother want to deny her kids that right? If she can't welcome him into her home on xmas day to see the children then its a crying shame. I wouldn't blame him for being awkward too and demanding them for half the day etc.

I think the thing to bear in mind is that whilst ex has a duty to ensure that the children can see their dad enough to maintain a healthy relationship, I don't think that wanting to spend the day without ex on xmas day is unreasonable?!!?

As an ex-single parent myself, it would have been a bit awkward to have had my ex around and I suspect she'd have felt the same. The reality is that the parents have split. Putting them together in the same room this soon is more than likely going to lead to argung and a bad atmosphere.

For us, on xmas my ex & I share the kids. For her its important for her to see the kids open the presents in the morning. For me the important thing is the family meal so it worked out quite well. She has them xmas eve and returns them after lunch so they can have xmas dinner. A compromise like that is probably best all round than having ex sat in her home on xmas day.

kittiej

This all seems to be getting too complicated now!

Why does your friend allow this man to be around her children and herself if he he is always "ranting and raving" and playing mind games?

These are forms of abuse surely?

She needs to wise up and realise that she must get tough. She needs to find a good solicitor and forget mediation. If she tells her solicitor that he could not control himself at the last meeting and to save herself from further abuse she would rather not go down the mediation route.

She needs to contact the CSA, they are there for a reason.

As for him wanting access for half of the week I cannot see the courts going for this idea as it could be too disruptive for the children. She needs to think about that one!

Unfortunately she has to be independent and sort out her own childcare arrangements and not rely upon him to help out whilst she goes to work. What if he doesn't turn up when he should and she has to miss work shifts?

Let a solicitor sort out the financial details etc., [EMAIL="that@s"]that's[/EMAIL] what they get paid for
and should he ever become overbearing she should not hesitate to contact the Police.

Kimitatsu

If she can keep it to £6K she is doing well - bear in mind though that if she divorces her husband on the grounds of adultery then she is entitles to claim costs as the breakdown of the marriage is percieved to be "his" fault.

The money invested in a solicitor though will be worth the amount of money she will be able to safeguard for her future. Many solicitors give a half hour interview for free so it may be worth exploring that route to find a solictor that she likes.

Rikki

It does cost more for a divorce on the grounds of adultery as either he has to admit it or she has to prove it.