31k debts

nkkingston

I would also have a chat with your doctor about the fact you feel the need to be 100% to leave the house, and that sometimes you work out until you're sick. With everything else going on, especially the way guilt is factoring in to your decision making, it might be worth giving your mental health the same kind of attention you give your physical health. It sounds like you've taken a lot on and you're keen to present a "having it all" persona to the world, but you're pushing yourself too hard in too many directions at once, and punishing yourself when you fail. Imagine you're helping a friend with all of this; what would you tell them is reasonable, and when would you tell them to cut themself some slack?

If logging everything is going to cause you mental strife, consider a different approach - split your money out at the beginning of the month so you have everything to cover bills in one account, everything to cover debt in another, and then what's left take out in cash so you can pay for food etc up front and see how you're doing. That way you're not putting yourself under so much pressure to log everything, and skipping logging when you feel guilty. Similarly, for food, do some big batch cooking and work your way through it, so you're not logging 50g of chicken here and 20g of skim milk there - plan it out in advance. Factor in some slack in both money and food; give yourself permission to have a McDonald's once a month without working out until you're sick.

camz2017

Supersaver88 wrote: »

Dude! There is no room for laziness so make lunches.
You need to do all you can to get in gear and hit this with all you have if you're serious about getting out of your situation.
I appreciate you have taken steps to turn it around but some of your posts are seriously frustrating as they're so blase!
You earn good money so stop with the takeaways and nights out whilst you battle the debt, sacrifices now ad you'll reap the rewards later on.
I'd be pretty scared if i were in your position, you need a rethink on your position. Harsh? maybe .... but i say what i see.
How would your parents react do you think? At least when you tell them you can explain what you're doing and that you've begun working a plan.
Good luck though and vent away.

Parents wise, I do not have a great relationship with them and honestly they would just shout at me and offer zero support. I would never live it down also. I had a bad family upbringing, social services in and out, parents with major alcohol problems, sister removed into care etc. They are the last people in the world I would confide in on this.

I get my situation is bad, but hey it's either come to terms with it, or breakdown entirely. I might be "blase" but I am dealing with it now and I will make progress.

I take your points about not going out etc and I have pulled out of multiple events out already, sucks but I feel good about it as well.

I definitely needed a re-think on my position, but right now, for the first time in years I will be more than balancing my books. No I have not reduced my spending to some ridiculously low number, but I have sat down and budgeted for absolutely everything and I have made it work in YNAB. I have been realistic in what I have budgeted for, this might not be the definition of throwing everything at it, but I know myself and I will blow it all if I go crazy and try to change my lifestyle entirely overnight. With what I have I will get out of debt and I am paying more than the minimums, whilst still being able to keep some kind of a life.

I have also attended every single YNAB seminar now, they are so useful.

camz2017

I would also have a chat with your doctor about the fact you feel the need to be 100% to leave the house,

Understood, I didn't convey that message too well, I just meant on the exterior I look like a guy with my stuff together, perfectly shaven, dressed well, always have perfectly ironed clothes etc. I don't go out half-baked, especially to work, but I do jump out of bed and go to the supermarket / hair dressers in my joggers + a t shirt, not bothered then. I'm just on the surface very in control, which I think I am, just not with financial stuff, but hell that is about to change!!!!

and that sometimes you work out until you're sick.

Long story but I did a personal trainer qualification years ago and it stems from that, working to excess, I have a bit of a competitive streak. It's definitely bad, but it's probably got me to where I am today.

With everything else going on, especially the way guilt is factoring in to your decision making

I felt guilty at the time, don't really care now... I have a conscience which goes away real quick, maybe I'm a bit heartless at times I guess. I am not riddled with guilt anyway.

it might be worth giving your mental health the same kind of attention you give your physical health. It sounds like you've taken a lot on and you're keen to present a "having it all" persona to the world, but you're pushing yourself too hard in too many directions at once, and punishing yourself when you fail.

This is absolutely the case, and really hit the spot. From a work perspective I work crazy hours, I also host 4 events a year, I go to events, I run the sports society, lead the corporate social responsibility program, I also do a blog for our corporate page which gets issued to all our clients. Then I work anything from 8 to 12 hour days. I get up in a morning at 5am head up to the gym for 2 hours. My life is absolutely mad from that perspective, I also have pretty much always maintained a relationship, so you can imagine how much me time I get lol. At the same time I love what I do, and I am fully aware my company values me to the point I have progressed much quicker than others. I have pretty much always said failure is not an option since I failed a year in university, it was a turning point for me. I am a very harsh person from the perspective of I don't accept failure as acceptable from others or myself. I see my finances right now as a failure.

Imagine you're helping a friend with all of this; what would you tell them is reasonable, and when would you tell them to cut themself some slack?

I would never tell a friend to get involved in everything I do, but I think that is what separates me from the rest, I basically do the impossible and do it well. That sounds ridiculous I know, but somehow I always deliver on work, on extra activities, on my own fitness goals, on progression etc. It will hopefully be why I progress in business faster than most, to ultimately not end up in this kind of mess again. I am going to consider cutting some slack on the extra work things I do, so I can get some time to spend on myself. If I am honest some days I will just sit in the gym sauna for 1+ hours to get my head clear.

If logging everything is going to cause you mental strife, consider a different approach

It is fine as I can drag my bank statement into YNAB daily, and log receipts as I go on my phone. The guilt stuff has to go, I have been a walking joke for too long on this, time to wake up.

I'm going to start my batch cooking again on Sundays, I used to do it and get all my macros perfect.

louloubelle79

Use a budget planner to see where your money goes, be honest with yourself. I used the app Fudget. Use cash back sites for all online shopping like Quidco. Since joining 10 years ago I have received over £2000 in cash back. I only paid off all debt last year and now working on the mortgage and pension savings etc.

camz2017

se a budget planner to see where your money goes, be honest with yourself. I used the app Fudget.

That's what I did, I took all banking accounts and credit cards and imported them into YNAB for the past 3 months. It gave me a clear picture of where I am going wrong!

Use cash back sites for all online shopping like Quidco. Since joining 10 years ago I have received over £2000 in cash back. I only paid off all debt last year and now working on the mortgage and pension savings etc

I have made over £1k on Quidco I love a cashback site.

enthusiasticsaver

I am only going to focus on the finance side of your posts and it does seem to me that the soa in no way matches your actual spends. As you say you are saving £100 into an emergency fund and you quite obviously aren't and there is no way that the entertainment figure is accurate if you smoke, take protein supplements and have takeout/fast food to the degree YNAB has said. The soa needs to be something you can stick to so it might be worth rethinking it. At least now you know where your money is going though.

I would focus on the overdraft first and then the large Barclaycard. Any chance that the credit cards can be moved to 0% deals? 6.9% does not sound high but on those balances that is more than £1500 per year just on interest before you start reducing the balances.

I would start by sorting out your diet and meal planning and proper grocery shopping, taking your lunch to work with you rather than buying it. It is sheer laziness normally that people don't think ahead to do this.

HampshireH

Start cooking! We use an online butchers you can get a lot of good meat for a very reasonable price. We pay 36 a month on 6 different 1 kg meats (chicken breasts, sausages, ribs, joint for roasting, bacon they have a huge selection) for 2 we can stretch this to a month (6 is postage fee so 30 on meat)

If you batch cook you can freeze food. Just get it out in the AM to defrost and it's quick and easy to heat. It's proper meals, much cheaper than takeaway and healthier.

You can reduce your food expenses by at least half by cooking!

If You can't cook, learn. In the meantime the same type of sites often offer bulk meals (you add your rice/potatos/pasta/salad yourself) in weight so you could still feed your self on a selection of meals you can batch up and freeze.

camz2017

Agreed my SOA sucks, I have YNAB now which is much more accurate and I will be following.

I am actually a mean cook haha, I make some great stuff

Regarding the 0%, I tried but I was offered such low credit limits it was not worth it, £400 on tesco bank lol. I then got declined on another one.

My credit rating is not bad, but I have a very high debt ratio so only existing lenders are really willing to offer me anything. I am going to keep paying debts for a year, then retry, things may improve.

Busy_Mee1

Great you are tackling your debt issues.
I might be overstepping the mark here but you mentioned that your parents had major alcohol problems when you were growing up - the impacts of this can be felt right into adulthood and might account for some of your other issues. Does any of this sound familiar ?

https://www.searidgealcoholrehab.com/article-adult-children-of-alcoholics.php

It doesn't solve anything but some helpful insight into why you might think and behave in certain ways

nkkingston

This is absolutely the case, and really hit the spot. From a work perspective I work crazy hours, I also host 4 events a year, I go to events, I run the sports society, lead the corporate social responsibility program, I also do a blog for our corporate page which gets issued to all our clients. Then I work anything from 8 to 12 hour days. I get up in a morning at 5am head up to the gym for 2 hours. My life is absolutely mad from that perspective, I also have pretty much always maintained a relationship, so you can imagine how much me time I get lol. At the same time I love what I do, and I am fully aware my company values me to the point I have progressed much quicker than others. I have pretty much always said failure is not an option since I failed a year in university, it was a turning point for me. I am a very harsh person from the perspective of I don't accept failure as acceptable from others or myself. I see my finances right now as a failure.

I think you know that your lifestyle is unsustainable, and finances are where that strain has already started to show, but you'll see it in other parts of your life as well if you don't let up on yourself. You can cope with living this way now, at 25, but you need to start thinking about what life will look like when you can't physically keep up with yourself.

The attitude that failure is unacceptable is why you have such trouble when you slip up - you've already "failed" by buying something you shouldn't have, so you're a failure, so you might as well keep failing and overspending. If you accept that failure is not only perfectly normal, but an important part of developing as a person. Think about who you'd be if you haven't failed a year at uni, and you'll see that you're a better person for failing than you would have been if you'd succeeded without trying.

When calculating your budget (and your food macros) factor failure in, and it'll stop being failure. Give yourself permission to let go more often, and you'll find that your progress evens out - no more bad burgers and overworking yourself at the gym. When you stop trying to be perfect, you discover that good enough gets better results.