Non Molestation order question

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Some months ago my wife left. She did it in her usual way, full or drama and seeking all the attention she could get. To be honest I was glad to see the back of her.
The the police then turned up and arrested me and my problems really started.
She had accused me of all sorts of vile things which I wont go into here but after hearing my side the police decided no further action would be taken. I was not bailed, it was just dropped.
I guess she was annoyed by this so she applied for a Non Mol order, she got an interim order and a couple of months ago I went to court to defend myself, she had a barrister paid for by legal aid so I was well out of my depth and certainly outgunned.
However, in the end an undertaking was made (with no admission of guilt or finding of any guilt) that lasts 6 months. We can talk on the phone about the kids but we are not allowed to see each other face to face in person.
Im fine with this as I felt it would at least be a clean break.
Anyway, she has since tried to get me arrested (without success) and has not kept up her agreement to see the kids regularly or pay a penny maintenance.
As a result of her vile accusations when she left, Social services are involved. Im not too fussed about this because since she has left the house has been a much nicer place, the kids are happier, my daughters behavior, grades and attendance at school have improved out of sight. I maintain this is because my ex was a toxic influence on the household and eventually social services will have to agree and they will be gone from out lives.
The problem is, because my ex has let the kids down so often, the social worker wants a meeting at school with the ex, both kids and myself to hammer out an arrangement for when she sees them.
My problem is this, We are still not allowed to see each other face to face and I am worried that i will be breaking the court order thus leaving myself open to the ex playing her games of trying to get me in trouble. The social worker said I am ok to have the meeting but I am not so sure. I dont have a solicitor for this, I cant get legal aid, the only help I can get is from internet fora like this one.
Can anyone please advise me if I should attend this meeting or would it be a clear breach of the undertaking made with the court.
Sorry for droning on, believe me I left a lot out and tried to keep to the basics but any advice would be massively appreciated.
Thank you in advance.
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Comments

  • Sambella
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    You can get a free half hour with a solicitor in a lot of places and could use this facility to ask for advice on this.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,559 Forumite
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  • Single_Dad
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    Thank you for your reply.
    I should have elaborated in my opening post (but didnt want to done on even more than i had )
    but I had a free half hour with a solicitor about the non mol order right at the start, about 6 months or so ago. I had to sign stuff and was told by the solicitor that I was unable to get a further free half hour with them or any other solicitor about the non molestation order.
    I did ring them earlier today because i was unsure If this question would fall into a different category as its more a question about the undertaking than the non mol but they confirmed i was not eligible for advice.
  • iammumtoone
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    I don't know the legal in and outs but I would refuse to go just in case you increment yourself. saying "the social worker said it was ok" is not a defense in law.

    Why do you need to be there? Surely the social worker can still go ahead with your kids, a trusted teacher (if your kids want this) and their mother in the meeting. Social worker can make a phone call to you to check that the agreed terms are acceptable to you. As long as you are flexible with the times/dates your ex wants no need for you to be there.
  • Red-Squirrel_2
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    I wouldn't go, is there any reason why you can't be on speaker phone/skype if you need to be part of the conversation?
  • thecoffeehouse204
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    I don't know anything about these things but could you not speak to the court that issued the order or the police to clarify matters, at least they would be a more reliable source of info than the social worker,
  • phillw
    phillw Posts: 5,595 Forumite
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    edited 23 September 2017 at 9:19AM
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    Single_Dad wrote: »
    The problem is, because my ex has let the kids down so often, the social worker wants a meeting at school with the ex, both kids and myself to hammer out an arrangement for when she sees them.
    My problem is this, We are still not allowed to see each other face to face and I am worried that i will be breaking the court order thus leaving myself open to the ex playing her games of trying to get me in trouble.

    Under the circumstances I would have thought the social worker meeting your ex and then have the social worker call you and put you on speaker when they needed to talk to you would be the safest option. Make a recording of the phone call and have a witness with you.
  • CRANKY40
    CRANKY40 Posts: 5,778 Forumite
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    Wouldn't go near....too much opportunity for ex to say you are face to face with her with nobody else present such as when entering and leaving the school. If the social worker wants this meeting get it in writing then ask the court if there is scope for a variation in the non mol order that would allow for a one off meeting as per the social worker's written request. Without prior approval you are asking for trouble.
  • IAmWales
    IAmWales Posts: 2,024 Forumite
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    I don't know anything about these things but could you not speak to the court that issued the order or the police to clarify matters, at least they would be a more reliable source of info than the social worker,

    The court cannot give legal advice. The most they could do is supply a copy of the order, which I expect the OP already has. Also a NMO is a civil matter, so unless breached, the police cannot advise.

    OP please don't rely on strangers for advice, as well meaning as all posters are. If the social worker is not open to the suggestion of a conference call or similar, then you need to consult a solicitor. The cost of advice will be far less than the cost (financial and emotional) of fighting further action against you.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,559 Forumite
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    Single_Dad wrote: »
    The problem is, because my ex has let the kids down so often, the social worker wants a meeting at school with the ex, both kids and myself to hammer out an arrangement for when she sees them.

    My problem is this, We are still not allowed to see each other face to face and I am worried that i will be breaking the court order thus leaving myself open to the ex playing her games of trying to get me in trouble.

    The social worker said I am ok to have the meeting but I am not so sure.

    I would always ask for this kind of dubious advice in writing - most people will think things through more carefully if they have to put it in writing.

    I wouldn't put yourself at risk of breaking the court rules when it's so easy to conference call or Skype.

    Put in writing to the Social Worker why you won't attend so that your ex can't make out that you've been reluctant to deal with issues about the children.
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