early 40s and not fabulous at all

UncannyScot

plush wrote: »

Anyone else single on here? Where do you meet people? I'm fed up with online dating, it's soul-less and there are too many people who lie about who they are what they want.

Been there, done that... There are some VERY strange people out there.
Had a couple of experiences like yours and though !!!!!! :eek:

I'm single, at the moment I'm taking some time to myself. I was in a relationship and I love her very much... long story short, we are both "damaged goods"... we were old friends/lovers and thought we could rekindle what we once had but we are both different people from what we were then...
Both suffered loss
Both battling/ battled mental heath and depression issues...
She finished with me / cut me loose as she is still fighting her battles and she felt she was holding me back from living a better life... it still hurts...
We keep in touch... we're friends... just friends...
I'm old fashioned and believe that you never really stop loving someone if you loved them at all.
Ach, there is someone for everyone in this world and the ways we meet them are strange, to say the least...
Good luck...
:A

enthusiasticsaver

plush wrote: »

Thank you.



Sadly, the spends on non-bills are just an estimate for the future budget, not real. In reality they are much higher than what I posted. I plan to sit down with last 3 months worth of expenses... but I need to get my courage up to do that. I'm tempted to not do it at all, and just budget going forward. Not sure what's best.

The 0% deals are for 20 months - the 9K one and at 22 months - the £4.9K one. I've switched debts to 0% two months ago.

It is important that it registers how you got to £14k in debt on just general overspending so adding up what you have actually spent against what you think you have spent is crucial.

You have set quite high budgets for discretionary spends like school trips, clothes, personal expenditure. One thing I would say is kids don't get cheaper as they get older and this debt will be an obstacle for helping your child with university costs for example or driving lessons. You need to make reducing the debt as important as the other categories and minimum payments will not cut it.

plush_2

Thanks! Aren't we all "damaged goods" in some ways? :-) Hard to trust people these days. Old friends are good though. I wish mine lived closer.

plush_2

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

It is important that it registers how you got to £14k in debt on just general overspending so adding up what you have actually spent against what you think you have spent is crucial.

You have set quite high budgets for discretionary spends like school trips, clothes, personal expenditure. One thing I would say is kids don't get cheaper as they get older and this debt will be an obstacle for helping your child with university costs for example or driving lessons. You need to make reducing the debt as important as the other categories and minimum payments will not cut it.

I know I spent it on branded food, eating out, flat whites and croissants, holidays, expensive clothes, £50 moisturisers and so on. My bills are probably as low as they can get; apart from Netflix and the mobile phone when contract runs out, I don't think I can cut more.

You're right about the future, I'm not expecting things to be at all easier on the money side, I know it will be much harder. Knowing that I spent £500 on food last month and over £4000 on holidays last year won't help me, but I want to stop doing that going forward. Tracking every spend from now and sitting down and review every month will hopefully keep me on top of things. And cutting the cards. I've set myself a deadline to physically cut Barclaycard #2 no later than after 3 months of not using it (and other credit).

Maybe it's not the best approach but this is what seems to make sense for me now.

Thank you!

enthusiasticsaver

Cutting the cards definitely makes sense. You know what your areas of overspending are. It is also good to get out of the credit card mentality. Leave the card at home if you cannot bar to cut it up yet. The 2 cards you have left have relatively high balances on it so you may be reluctant to spend on those but the empty one could be a temptation to you. If you have to think before spending because you don't have an empty card to hand you may find after waiting and thinking about it that purchase is not really necessary.

A good exercise is going cold turkey. No cards, not even debit cards. One cash withdrawal a week to cover all discretionary spends including travel, children's activities, food and entertainment. Try that for a month and it really concentrates the mind on where all your money is going.

Kittychick

Just wanted to say Hi, I've subscribed and will be interested in seeing how you are doing. I think you are doing really well and I can fully understand how what's in the past can stay there but only if you can stick to the 'new you'. Keep going and try to be positive, hopefully the spend tracker will really start to make a difference and help you to stick to it once you can see it's keeping you on track, good luck x

Tea&Kittens

plush wrote: »

Anyone else single on here? Where do you meet people? I'm fed up with online dating, it's soul-less and there are too many people who lie about who they are what they want.

Hi Plush, this is me too. I've been on my own with Kitty for years. Had a couple of dates off internet dating sites but been disappointed each time. From time to time I try again but haven't found anyone that way so far!

plush_2

@enthusiastic: Thank you, the cash idea is a great one. I'm not touching the transfer cards, I've always been good about that. I do have some discipline in the chaos

These are all my cards:
Barclaycard #1 £9000 balance at 0% / £11000 limit
Sainsbury's £4900 at 0% / £7000 limit
Halifax Clarity £0 balance, 17.9% interest rate / £2000 limit - this one I've only ever used when travelling abroad and always paid in full on return, some discipline here as well. I'm hesitant to cut it because it's a very good travel card, no currency exchange fees and no cash withdrawal fees.
Barclaycard #2 £0 balance, 7.6% interest rate / £3000 limit - this is the one that I definitely plan to cut

I also have a £1000 overdraft limit on my Barclays bank account. I never used it, as this is my bills account and is always green. The Halifax bank account has a total of £1000 overdraft limit as well, and the first £300 of that is fee-free. Currently this is at £0 but I've been know to use it fully every month. The Halifax OD together with Barclaycard #2 are my challenges. If I can make it for the next couple of months w/o touching these then there's a chance for me as well.

Right, off to cooking lunch... my child's coming back from an extended b-day sleepover.

Have a beautiful day everyone!

enthusiasticsaver

The Barclaycard 2 is definitely one to cut as it is the only one charging interest. Keep th Halifax clarity one but not in your purse. Honestly though I would not do foreign holidays while you have that amount of debt.

How long ago did you take out the transfer cards and how much have you reduced them by? If the longest deal is 22 months then if you continue to pay £313 then in around 2 years time you will have paid off £7500 roughly at your current repayment rate providing you do no more transfers.

plush_2

@enthusiasticsaver: I did the transfer to 0% two months ago on both cards. Some of this debt is older, accumulated from 2013 until now. In 2012 I had no credit card debt. Since then, I probably overspent about £3K every year, and instead of paying it, I kept moving it from one card to another. Because I have good credit rating I have access to 0% at low or no transfer fees. That was a trap for me, not an advantage...

I was at ~ £11K at last Christmas, so some of the debt is from this year. I'm expecting an annual bonus in November or December this year - not sure yet how much - and I hope I can get my debt back to last year Christmas levels, if not lower.